Today I went to see my Disability Employment Advisor down at the Jobcentre. In an ideal world I’d be in my dream job, earning some money, I’m not after megabucks, but enough to live off, maybe go on holiday. It’s not just the money I’m after it’s a sense of belonging and purpose, that’s what I miss about not being in work, even when I’ve been doing menial low-wage jobs, if you like your colleagues it makes a bad job seem so much better. What I’m also missing is a sense of purpose, teaching was definitely a job with a sense of purpose, it meant a lot to me that on my last day at the pupil referral unit where I worked a student came to talk to me and show him around a bass guitar unaware that was my last day said to me “Miss, you’re sound you are!” cool! That made my day.
I have been making an effort to try to get myself back into work, I’ve been applying for allsorts, care work, warehouse, admin, you name I’ll be there ( except in an abattoir ). I booked this appointment a while ago to see my DEA after a friend told me that I should get him to refer me to the Shaw Trust where I’d have a job broker who will approach prospective employers on behalf, which sounds a good idea considering when I’ve been phoning around recruitment agencies at times the person on the other end has hung up on me and if they do stay to listen to me decide in their minds to throw my application form or CV in the bin as soon as it arrives.
However considering recent events and my general mental health the CPN that I saw last Friday thought it might be a good idea to go onto ESA (Employment and Support Allowance) for a while until I’m feeling better. My DEA agreed with this because as from the end of this month anybody that’s been on JSA (Jobseeker’s Allowance) for a year or longer, like me, will be transferred to a training provider for 2 years (rather like my stint at Pertemps) that isn’t Pertemps. My DEA didn’t know much about the details of this as the DWP hasn’t thought to tell the JCP staff yet., but his concerns were that this provider may not be particularly well geared up for the needs of disabled Jobseekers or particularly open minded as Pertemps were when it comes to dealing with me and if I’m particularly fragile it could make matters much worse. I.e. push me over the edge. So I’m going on to ESA. Wish me luck, at some point I’ll have to deal with the dreaded ATOS.