Friends with it

[WildIris]

The thing that helped me the most was just listening to the sound that is in my head. Not that I like it objectively or would choose to have it, but its going to be there for the foreseeable future, like a scar on my hearing. So I listen to it on purpose while deep breathing and imagining pleasant things, or just when I'm idle.

[perlcoder]

I suppose that is an aspect or version of Mindfulness - which I should try to learn.

I can manage it for part of the time, particularly when relaxed and falling asleep. Most of my T sounds are tolerable in those circumstances and I can dwell on them, kind of befriend them, at such times. I can't manage it when I am trying to concentrate on some task, and the T is making that very difficult, sometimes impossible.

[happyrosie1]

that’s very helpful, thank you.

[Petra1988]

I admire you for how you cope with your t. I am stucking in such a bad/sad/frustrated feeling and a very big anxiety that this noise will last forever, it makes me crazy. I wish I could be as neutral as you are. Then my life wouldn't be that desperate as how it is at the moment. I just want my old life back.

[TinnitusUKPat Partner in reply to Petra1988]

What would your old life be like, Petra? Maybe life after experiencing tinnitus isn't the same as it was but does that mean it will be worse?

I know that you've posted before about anxiety - that the noise will last forever, and you struggle to cope with that.

If we can imagine a future version of tinnitus which isn't distressing you, which you are not paying a lot of attention to, but which is still present to some extent, is that something which you can imagine or is your view of tinnitus that it will always cause you suffering or make you crazy?

[Petra1988 in reply to TinnitusUKPat]

To be honest my hope that I can "overhear" my t. is not so big, because I am focused on it all the time. I don't know what I can do to reach the state, that I hear it, but I don't worry about it.

My life was without big sorrows before, I was able to laugh and feel just good. Now my whole day is about worrying and be sad because the noises in my two ears have my whole attention.

[TinnitusUKPat Partner in reply to Petra1988]

You're describing what a lot of people who do habituate or find some level of peace with tinnitus experience. Initially, it seems like the end of the world, and it's all we can do is pay attention to it and be fearful for the future.

Gradually, as we get to grips with tinnitus, we find that the constant attention, interruption to sleep, feelings of hopelessness and so on diminish.

Not everybody perhaps has a linear journey with tinnitus, but a surprising number of people find it can take up less and less space in their life.

What you can do is look at the things about tinnitus which worry you, try and be objective about whether they have a basis in evidence or are purely based around fear and uncertainty.

If you have a lot of worries along the lines of 'I'll never get better', 'tinnitus is always going to be like this', then I think a large part of the difficulty is anxiety and emotion-based and getting help or support with that may help you a lot with tinnitus.

[EarHealth2024]

I sometimes do that too. It familarises me with it and helps me to get things in perspective and stop me scared.

Blessings ⭐️

[marigold60]

I don't really notice my tinnitus anymore as I've habituated. What I used to do was to imagine the noise was a force field protecting me and that seemed to help.

[tinnitustamed]

Making friends with it is a wonderful step forward. I'm heading towards it becoming a guide to my stress levels. I learnt this frm a therapist in the UK, he has an email course, here is the link quietenyourtinnitus.com/

[bluebell71]

Hi

Thank you for posting how much it has helped to accept your tinnitus in a different way. It is hard when you first get tinnitus to cope and accept the noises. However, as the years go by you have to manage the noises mostly by distraction. I find your way is a good way of getting on with your tinnitus and making it your friend rather than your enemy. Thank you!!

All the best, Jean 😊

[ghlla]

Yes I find myself doing this as I continue my still somewhat new tinnitus journey. I tell myself "this is ok", "this is nothing serious", "this is my new silence". And just listen to it for a while.

[surreycccfan]

I have done a 'mindfulness' meditation routine where instead of trying to avoid it my T and listen through it, the routine encourages the listener to explore the sound of their T. I think the use of this type of routine depends on how much distress you are in with your T. I found this helpful as instead of staying in fight/flight (trying to avoid the sound of my T) the repetition of the routine encourages the listener to see the sound as not a threat, which I think for some can help on the path to habitation (as our brains no longer see it as a threat).

I know some people can get heightened when others say they make friends with it. I think it's great if you can, I approach it slightly differently in that I used to say I 'lived side by side with my T' however as I continue to live well with my T I now say my T 'is one step behind me' as I am now in control. If I was to use an analogy for my T now, I would say its like a spot on my nose, I don't particularly like it but it does not engender any negative thoughts or heighted emotional system (for full transparency when I first had T it crippled me and led to clinically severe depression but after a lot of hard work I now live very well with it and it has no control over me anymore)

Hope this helps in some small way

[Petra1988 in reply to surreycccfan]

How did you overcome your depression and the bad feelings? I would be so thankful for concrete advices. How did you become the control back?

[surreycccfan in reply to Petra1988]

CBT was the core of helping me reframe any unhelpful thoughts. (for full transparency I was on SSRIs to help give me some 'space' so I could put in place the below).

After being in considerable distress, I realised my T was controlling me and after hearing others had managed to habituate/accept to their T (I prefer live well with my T) I thought I had to put in place a plan to take back control with evidence bases strategies. This plan helped me reduce my emotional reaction (fight/flight) to my T. This doesn't have to be acceptance (but this helps) instead my goal was to be able to live well with my T. Once I could dampen my emotional reaction it was possible to live well with my T (habituation/accepted) and not to bother me.

I only used trusted sources like Tinnitus UK and ATA for my evidence-based strategies (I would split them into distraction techniques which I mainly used at start and as I started to feel less distressed, I would use more psychological strategies which really helped me push on). That said, I understood I was trying to calm my nervous system and change how I perceived my T (neuroplasticity) so these strategies (in my toolkit) took time, energy and a lot of repetition. Examples are below:

• Sound therapy - I used a sound generator app to help me sleep (sound of waves and rain) plus I used positive reframing while listening to these sounds (I thought of really nice beach holidays I had spent with the family; this was not only distraction but also helped enforce positive thinking while I was anxious)

• CBT - Although I was sceptical of counselling, I found it very helpful and helped me see what types of negative thoughts I was having and how this was affecting my feelings. I found tools such as the APPLE model very helpful as allowed me to – pause, reflect, and reframe negative thoughts. CBT also helped me understand our natural negative bias and gave me tools to manage my thoughts and feelings which ultimately took a lot of power away from my T

• Exercise – Not only does this release endorphins (de-stressed me) but even if I was just going for a walk I would not only exercise but use behavioural techniques such as active listening where I would listen 'through' my T (this is where you listen for 20 seconds to something in the distance e.g. car or planes and then listen to something close up for 20 seconds e.g. your footsteps, this helped my brain to focus on something other than the sound of my T and help 'practice' listening to the world around me. I also found Swimming really useful as I could not hear my T while I was splashing up and down the swimming lane

• Progressive Muscle Relaxation and Breathing techniques - This type of mindfulness exercise was great to being me into the moment and away from negative thoughts and/or away from focusing on my T

• Video Gaming – Finding a hobby or activity that really makes you focus on something was really useful. I found online gaming really helped me as I was so engrossed in playing the game, I would have periods where I didn't 'hear' my T as my brain was focused on something I was enjoying. Most folks find hobby’s they really enjoy has this effect

• Affirmations – I had a list of sayings I would use to help me stay centred and grounded when I was struggling e.g. 'this will be pass', 'my plan is to manage my T not manage me'

• Avoid avoidance – Often we want to hide from our T and this is impossible so I made sure I lived my life by trying to avoid my T, I would use the distraction and behavioural techniques to ensure I was working a plan which would ultimately allow me to manage my T. One thing I found as I became more comfortable with my T was to say hello to my T before I went to sleep so I had acknowledged it, and this allowed my brain to 'move on' to think about something other than my T

• Don’t mourn my old life - It’s very easy for our lives to shrink when we get T and we wish for things we had in our lives before T. I found this quite negative, so I always tried to reframe my thoughts in a way where I was trying to affect the future with T rather than wishing for my life before/without T. Once I understood how T had shrunk my life, I started to healthily reintroduce things I enjoyed, this helped calm my nervous system (as I was enjoying these things) and also took my attention away from my T.

• Empathy - I attended Tinnitus UK support groups, at these groups not only did I learn more about the condition, I learnt behavioural/distraction techniques but also by sharing and listening to others with the condition I felt a great sense of empathy and support which again helped with anxiety and worry knowing I was not alone plus there was hope that I could habituate and live well with my T

• Support Network - I realised that having a good support network was important as not only did this help my stay positive but by also having folks to talk to allowed me to decompress. The Tinnitus UK virtual support groups were excellent, but I also made sure my family and closest friends understood what I was going through and this helped me feel safe and positive which encouraged me in sticking to my T management plan

• Understand that the more I give my T focus the more I am feeding the T and the anxiety - This was important as when we first get T it takes over our lives but this constant focusing on the perceived noise of our T just made me focus more on it and made me feel down. To try and arrest this focus I would ground myself that I had an evidence management plan of distraction and behavioural techniques which had worked for others, so why not me. Also, be celebrating every success however small it helped me see my progression (especially important on the bad days).

• Unshrinking my life - I was given advice by Tinnitus UK that T can shrink our lives which means we stop doing the things I enjoyed as I was in distress. All this was doing was making me spend all of my time with my T. By slowly unshrinking my life not only did it mean I was doing things I enjoyed but as I was enjoying them I was engrossed/focus on them and this slowly gave me more breaks from hearing my T. In conjunction with this I celebrated every success however small, as research tells us we all have a natural negative bias its easy to focus on what I wasn't doing instead of what I could do (being kind to myself).

• Kindness - Having T is tough and it’s not my fault you have so it BE KIND to myself, beating myself up will only feed worry and anxiety. I grounded myself when I said be kind to myself by telling myself I was following this plan of distraction and behavioural techniques which I know had worked for others with the condition so if I just stuck to the plan things would get better.

There were lots of other things but hopefully this gives you an idea

Hope this helps in some small way. Stay safe

[Petra1988 in reply to surreycccfan]

Thanks a lot for the time you took to answer!!!! 🧡💚💛

[surreycccfan in reply to Petra1988]

No problem at all. The key is if you want to make positive change you need to have belief that it will work and allow yourself time as we're calming our nervous system and changing how we perceive our T (neuroplasticity) and this takes time and repition. What underpins all of this, is being kind to ones self, if we beat ourselves we'll only stay in distress and give more focus to our T. Stay safe