Do you gaslight yourself?

[nonameslob]

I've been sick for so long, it seems. I wonder if anyone else ever finds themselves contemplating whether or not they are faking their symptoms. I mean, it's obviously impossible for me to "fake" or exaggerate abnormally sky high antibody tests, and I tell myself that logically, but I'm so sick of being sick that I find myself wondering if it's even real some of the time. It's a really weird headspace to find myself in, and I wonder if I'm alone?

[teenarocks]

You are not imagining it. Honor yourself and don't let anyone try to tell you it's all in your head. Do everything you can to educate yourself and help yourself. You deserve to be well.

[Jmay88]

No you are not alone. I think when you are unwell for so long, I'm digging my way out of a hole slowly but surely since late 2007, that you do wonder how this can even be real. How can one have this kind of life where you feel so unwell for so long? I was high functioning and a competitive ice skater growing up and was reduced to someone who could barely take the trash out to the curb. I was suffering from major depression where I was watching everyone literally decorate the Christmas tree while I sat there and watched feeling stuck in my body. There was a point where I just committed to myself, I had two little girls to raise, to make whatever life I could for myself even with feeling so sick. I did not give up! The minute I felt remotely better, I ditched my husband who had become abusive and moved forward with my life. Keep researching, keep trying new things and never give up hope. As I am getting better I am now looking back and wonder, did this just the other day, was I really so ill for so long? It seems almost unreal as so much time, almost a decade, was wasted unwell (approx 39-49 now). I'm here to say there is hope for those who feel like they may never feel well again.

[SonSwinburne in reply to Jmay88]

I think the longer you have been hypo the longer it takes to get better it took me 8mths on 100mg Levo to remotely feel myself again. I am cheating a bit and on citalopram only low dose 10mg as was so stressed being hypo and hair shedding that the doctor said I needed to relax and once I feel myself again can ween off which will be after Christmas and new year. But I'm glad as they have helped a lot and I'm enjoying life again I still get tired but not Til after 10 now and I sleep well. Hope you start feeling better soon too xx

[SonSwinburne in reply to SonSwinburne]

Ps just to add once I started to relax the hair shedding stopped too xx

[SilverAvocado]

Yes, I think everyone gets this, as I have spoken to a lot of people about it. Also I think this illness is so slippery. You never can put your finger on nice clear descriptions of symptoms.

I had a chest infection earlier in the Summer, and I couldn't believe how clear cut everything was in comparison. It was just really obvious what symptoms I had. It stayed the same for days at a time, and changed in this slow, logical way (

[SilverAvocado in reply to SilverAvocado]

Oops, pressed reply too early.

It helped me to see why I always second guess myself. Because our illness isn't like that. It creeps up on you and there are things you don't even notice.