Success Story

[becksread]

Hi,

I have found the knowledge and support from this site invaluable since my diagnosis in May 2015 with under-active thyroid. And wanted to now return to give hope to anyone suffering as I was. I think often, this is used as a lifeline resource and when people return to full health they quite rightly disappear to live their lives. But for those still struggling it is hard to keep hope if there are no success stories. So I wanted to return to inspire those still struggling.

It has been a long journey for me to get well but I have now been 98% well for 4 months. I wanted to post some of the diary ramblings I wrote earlier in the year - to show how lost and unwell I was. And that now my life has returned to normal. It is possible. It just takes a long journey to get the correct medication - to get that swinging pendulum to the correct place.

Diary entry from 29th March 2016:

"It is like I have been muted. My personality, ambition, energy and joie de vivre have been turned down. Like I am an empty shell. Like the dementors have sucked my soul out of me.

It feels like I am so alone. So empty, void of everything. I fill my face with constant stimuli in an attempt to feel better but it makes no difference. I feel so lost. I am in the same place I was a year ago. 1 year on and nothing has changed. I feel like I want to punish myself. I feel filled with hatred and evil. I have nothing to feel unhappy about in fact I have everything to be happy about. But I'm not. I feel numb and lifeless and scared. What if this is my life? I don't want to live like this. I feel mental. I feel completely mental.

When I feel ok it's like I can't imagine how bad it was. Like I was weak or couldn't pull myself together. That I was making up how bad it was, being over dramatic. But when I'm in it, nothing is possible. An endless numb disconnection. Like fuzzing through a haze watching time pass with no meaning - forever. It feels like you might never escape it. Time is slow and fast. Minutes go on forever then a whole day has passed in an instant which I filled with nothing except waiting for time to pass in the hope I'll feel better. In moments where I feel lighter I also feel weird like some sort of bipolar mania where I feel anything is possible from healing to telepathy to God knows what crazy sci-fi but it seems possible. Like I am connected to every atom. Like I can feel the medication regenerating the motors of my cells. This is also disconcerting. But then gets replaced with something else. Dog tiredness like not being able to lift ones head or be able to sit up or get out the bath. Like being unplugged from the mind and the body. Unable to rouse the desire to do anything or the physical energy to do it. It feels like lethargy or laziness but it is actually total inability. So isolating. So lonely. And frightening. What if this is what my life will become? What if the thyroid attack varies so that the medication amount needed is always fluctuating and unpredictable? So that the majority of the time I feel unwell and it is only infrequently that I get windows of sanity????

"

Then after that posting and with hitting the right medication level, I gradually returned to being me. I got married 8 weeks ago and had the best day of my life and felt well and happy and have felt stabilised physically and mentally for about 4 months. All symptoms are controlled the majority of the time and I can exercise and live life to the full. If you feel as I did, do persevere - you will come out the other side of this.

[sparkly]

Brilliant! So glad your finally stable and returned to normality ( well as much as you can with this dreadful condition).

It is encouraging to people who still haven't reached that point and are so poorly that wellness can be achieved hopefully.

I too will post soon on my ever going journey. Thankfully i'm back on the road to feeling good again.

Sparkly x

[Kitten1978]

Dear Becksread,

Thank you so much for posting! I found it very helpful to read entries from your diary. Thank you! I'm glad you are feeling like your old self It gives me a bit of hope that perhaps I'll get there too one day!

[spongecat]

That is such a good description.

I'm so glad you are feeling better.....it does take time to "get right" again especially if you have been ill and undiagnosed for a long time. It still shocks me that I had the classic symptoms going back years but just put up with it because I thought it was all down to getting older / perimenopause / menopause.

Oh and congratulations on your marriage!

[Northie]

I'm so very happy to read your post. I am having a bit of a struggle at the moment myself but your post cheered me up. Thank you.

Congratulations on your marriage. I wish you health, hope and happiness.

[Blue_Bee]

Okay Becksread... tears when I read this. Tonight I searched “anger” here then I searched “success” and so glad I did. When you say “Minutes go on forever then a whole day has passed in an instant which I filled with nothing except waiting“. I am WISHING for the time to pass, my days, my life, whatever time it is going to be between now and when I feel consistently well for months, years; not nanoseconds. I’m on that drugs trial treadmill. I feel like a lab rat. Horribly unwell for 98% of the last 18 months. Wondering if I will ever feel well again. Thank you for taking the time to write, and giving me hope.

[Stormx]

Oh my, this is me I feel exactly how you felt, I’m rebuilding 💪🏽💪🏽💪🏽The isolation the alone companied with the loneliness, oh the uncertainty hopelessness lack of faith. Feeling diminished and depleted always, I don’t know who I am anymore, I hate life, I used to believe 🤦🏽‍♀️

I never knew that there was something I’m your body that could rid you of all these things and more!!! Frustration from the disappointments of the trials and errors 🤦🏽‍♀️😓😓😩, no one understands!

I am so happy for you, o sincerely wish and hope you continue with the light and good health.

😊I’m so happy for you