I know this a really troublesome time and that having Graves' exasperates the experience.
I have Graves' and TED disease. I was diagnosed by my eyes meaning it had been going on for a long time and like many I was told it was everything like anxiety, which I had, early menopause etc. No one really explained anything. They looked at my eyes and told me I had a thyroid problem? No one mentioned Graves'. Was told to take carbimazole and I would be fine. I never once questioned or googled, more fool me. I took the pills and I guess I probably became hypo but never knew the term hyper and hypo nor the difference in the symptoms. Eventually switched to PTU because I said I still felt ill, they said three months on this and if doesn't work then thyroid removal was the only option. The only option because of my eyes.
Meanwhile I was seeing an opthalmologist at the same time who said he'd keep an eye on my eyes but would do nothing whilst being treated for Graves'? They looked awful. So when the PTU didn't work they wanted the thyroid out immediately.
Now this is were you should be. The endocrinologist must absolutely work the opthalmologist. I cannot stress this enough. Scream, bite, shout, whatever you had to do. I accidentally had an appointment with opthalmologist two weeks before surgery who looked shocked to hear I was having surgery in two weeks. I was immediately given IV steroids for 5 days in row prior to surgery. I was told this protects the eyes from any inflammation that may arise pre and post surgery. In an ideal world they would prefer more time to treat with a pill rather than IV as IV is more likely to cause side effects.
Having said this that was my experience but this is a really difficult disease and it varies from person to person and no one seems to have the same journey. I do know now that opthalmologist was a clever cookie and not all hospitals treat this way, but they should. My eyes got worse after surgery but probably because I was smoker and no one mentioned that until after surgery and I stopped immediately.
Although all of this hard to absorb, if I could get one thing over and that is make sure your eyes are looked after and prioritize their treatment over your thyroid. There is a great facebook page on thyroid eye disease which is closed group and it has helped me facebook.com/groups/3129984...
It does get better really but you do have to learn as much as you can about your condition.
I wish you well.