Just need to let my grief out :<

Hello everyone, I am sorry for posting but my grief feels overwhelming.......... i need to let it out.

My beautiful Josie (20 1/2 year old cat) was put to sleep, It has knocked me for six to say the least.

It feels so empty in the house, all her belongings gone, no cuddles or purring in my ear. I feel lonely - no one to love or to feel loved. She was always with me especially in her later years and i was very attached to her,to have her put down was absoutely heart wrenching, I feel gulity but her health was bad, I had know real option. (Sweet dreams Princess, you will always be in my heart)

I am so very unhappy : <

I also had a letter from the useless specialist (who promised he was going to refer me on) but said the tests were negative so nothing to be done, I am in shock because you can see with your own eyes that there is an issue - my health issues are to difficult so I get tossed out and left to fend for myself.

Does know one care anymore : <

47 Replies

  • ((( KW ))) I'm so sorry about Josie. Although it's heartbreaking, releasing Josie from pain and suffering is the most unselfish and loving act you'll ever have done for her.

  • Thank you Clutter, it doesn't feel like that, maybe in time

  • Oh (((Kitten-whiskers))).

    First time I have logged into here today and see this very sad news. Of course I remember you talking about Josie a few months ago when she was poorly. I am so very very sorry for your loss, I have been through the same pain...it's horrible.

    I hope you had a chance to take some photos of Josie recently and I know that you gave her so much love and care. Making the decision to put a much-loved little friend to sleep takes great courage but you did absolutely the right thing if she had taken a downturn.

    As time passes the pain will ease a little and the happy memories will come. Maybe you might feel the draw of getting a new little friend and I'm sure Josie would approve massively because to be alone is not what she would have wanted for her companion. :)

    Please be very gentle with yourself and do not tolerate anybody saying unkind things. You will recover in your own time. Grief from losing a pet is every bit as strong as the grief of losing a human loved one, make no mistake about that. If someone doesn't understand that then turn on your heel a walk away from them.

    Giving you a hug over cyberspace and thinking of you.....and Josie. xxxx

  • Thank you Spongecat for your kind words, they really mean a lot.

    The vet was wonderful, I took her to see him as he was the one treating her for the last five years, he was sad to, I thought he would want to say goodbye.

    I couldn't watch, I thought it best, she would realise something was wrong, me crying all over her but now I wish I had, so I could have held her one last time. The vet bought out a little tuft of fur in a tiny container for me to keep and a golden envelope with a poem inside and info on how to deal with grief.

    I feel so bad for taking her to be put to sleep and I hope she would understand that it was out of love for her that I did.

    I don't think I will get another cat, I could never replace her or her sister.

    The house feels so empty now : <

  • How kind of the vet. Sometimes I think they may be more sympathetic than human doctors.

    Maybe when you are eventually consoled you can think of getting another little kitten to be company for you. You can also console yourselves that you had your cat for all those years.

    Best wishes.

  • Thank you Shaws. The vet was brillant, he was so considerate and understanding. He was far better than any doctor I have ever seen - I remember him saying to me "it's not just about the blood test results, it's about how Josie is" No doctor would ever say that.

    The vet even sent Josie a birthday card on her 20th Birthday

  • So sorry to hear about Josie. To have her with you for so long must mean that she's left a huge gap in your life. I hope you're able to come to terms with her loss in time, but if you feel you need someone to talk to The Blue Cross run a pet bereavement help line who can offer you support. Take care.

  • Thank you Fizz70, It has left a hugh gap in my life.

    Thank you for the information about the blue cross x

  • Any.one who has loved a pet of any kind knows that it is a real loss when they are gone. I had a much loved black nutter of a cat called Pele who was a total misanthropist, refusing to let any man near him, and in fact terrorised my brother when he came to stay, stationing himself at the top of the stairs and snarling and hissing at him if he tried to go upstairs!

    Strangely when I did fall in love, so did he! He would sit and listen to my Spanish husband playing the guitar for hours on end.

    He was 17 when he became too ill and had to be put out of his suffering (Pele, not the husband). We both miss him terribly and sometimes when I am relaxing in the evening I get a strange sensation of weight in my lap, and I feel as if he is sitting there to comfort me.

    The pain will lessen, and in its place will be memories, mostly fond, sometimes bittersweet, sometimes even after a long while there will be tears, but tears of gratitude for the companionship and joy she brought you. (((((Hugs))))).

    Marie xxxxx

  • i too lost my ephiny a black and white cat nearly 3 years ago she had cancer in the throat and we had to have her put to sleep. a few days later a stray kitten turned up. we couldnt find any-one who had lost him so i took him in. of course it wasnt a replacement but he filled the gap in our lives.

  • So sorry to hear that Joyce59, a stray kitten found a home - thats fantastic

  • he always knows when iam feeling down mainly due to my thyroid problem he comes onto my lap for a hug.

  • Bless you Marie, Pete sounded like quite a character and very well looked after, he was a lucky biy : > they have such short lives in comparison to us and their is nothing we can do to change that as much as we want to.

    It's going to take a long while but I hope the pain goes soon, i would give anything to have her back hear with me :<

    I hope the good memories are coming through for you

  • I am sorry to read your sad news K-W. Virtual hugs to you.


  • Thank you Lizzie x

  • Oh Kitten-Whiskers, I'm so sorry to read this. I've been in the same situation myself several times - it never gets any easier. It is a grieving process for sure. But you know - you must know - you've done the right thing. We've been in the position ourselves where we knew it wasn't right to allow our dear cats to suffer. It still breaks my heart thinking about them though.

    When we lost our last one 4 years ago (he had a brain tumour) I didn't think I'd be able to get another. 5 months later the house felt empty and we decided to get not one, but two precious cats - sisters from the local cat rescue. Maybe in time you'll feel the same and decide to get another companion? Not a replacement, of course, but a new furry friend.

    (((hugs))) to you

  • Thank you CarolineC57, It is really very hard at the minute and you are right - It was the right thing to do but the worst thing I have ever had to do.

    That is very sweet you got to sisters from the rescue centre : >

  • Aw Josie, my heart goes out to you. I know how much you can love pets, I was devastated when my cat had to be put to sleep a couple of years ago. He had been there for me through my divorce and bringing up 3 boys on my own and it hit me hard losing him and it felt like the end of an era, too. I now have 2 beautiful German Shepherds and I dread to think of losing them... it is certainly true that the more you see of people (especially doctors when battling with Thyroid issues and being treated like a paranoid hypochondriac), the more you like your dog/cat.

    My advice is change your GP until you find a good/helpful one. Try a different one in the same practice but don't give up if they are unsympathetic, try another then another and if all of them are not up to scratch - move to another practice. Once you get a helpful one, if they are hampered by the lab refusing to run the necessary blood tests, get them done privately by Blue Horizon and take the results to show him or her.

    Good Luck with the Thyroid and I hope you feel a bit better soon regarding you beloved cat - try to concentrate on the good times you spent together and that you spent together and that she had a good home and knew she was loved. That it so much more than most cats get xx

  • Thank you Baggibod, that is very sweet of you. It will take time, we were very close, I only had to look at her and she would start purring, such a happy girl who loved life, I always get lots of cuddles and kisses from her, when I was home she was never far from me. I hate being in the house, especially my bedroom, where she often was.

    You hit the nail on the head with the doctors, I have worked my way through all the doctors at this surgery and also one further away, now they have stopped people changing surgeries - you have now got to go to the one in your area and that is that, on that basis I have booked a phone call with him, to have it out with him once and for all.

    Best wishes


  • Well I would recommend making notes (at least he cannot see you have them over the phone!) and make sure you get all your points across. Try to stay calm, and remember he can't see you so if you go red, get tearful or your lip trembles - as has happened to me in bad in person appointments at the surgery, it won't matter. Spend plenty of time researching relevant information so you can make very valid points. The other members on this site can be really helpful, so post questions and ask for help if you need it!

    Good Luck xx

  • Thats a great idea Baggiebod, I will make notes. I have to be a bit careful as he might get the hump and stop my medication- he is like a big kid.

    I need to get it off my chest, they are simply not good enough, they don't bother or barely even look away from the computer screen.

    Thank you xx

  • It is devastating to lose someone who has been a close part of your life and you have my deepest sympathy. At least you know that she had a good life and if she were human, a very long life too, and well looked after. As far as the referral goes I would have thought that if your tests were coming up 'normal' and you had all the symptoms it would be a reason to investigate further. If your readings were not 'normal' then there would be no need to refer you as you would be treated, unless the treatment wasn't working. What is the matter with these doctors, are they only allowed to refer if the case is easy?

  • Good evening Lillian15,

    Thank you for your kind words, Josie did have a lovely life but didn't want to go, still so happy despite everything. 20 years is very long for a cat but it is still very short in every other way. That is nature and nothing I could have done about that but i really am hurting.

    I really dislike doctors - you can clearly see the issues, they are visable but yet the test comes back 'normal' - why not use their eyes. I am not going to let this rest, it makes me look like a liar, so I will be having words with my GP next week :<

  • K-W I am so truly sorry for the loss of your beloved friend. I know your pain and I'm sorry that I can't offer you any words of comfort other than to say my heart goes out to you. I had to have my beloved horse put to sleep a couple of weeks ago who I had owned for 28 years so I understand exactly how you are suffering. I still cry a lot. He was my best friend who I will love forever.

    I hope for both of us that time will heal and we will only remember the good times of which there will have been many, but it is all too soon at the moment isn't it?

    Take care. I will be think of you.


  • Helly Abby2003, your reply is beautiful, thank you so much. I am so sorry to hear about your horse, He was very lucky to have someone as caring as you as his best friend, time is too short for our lovely creatures. Josie was my best friend to, and it is so hard to be parted from her.

    TIme will heal us and our tears will dry up but for now we have to grief and mourn the loss and emptyness.

    I will be thinking of you Abby, Take care

    Debs x

  • I nearly lost my beautiful cat a few months ago. I remember how sad and guilty I was when his predecessor went to the rainbow bridge. I was so sure I could have looked after her better. Your Josie wouldn't want you to be sad now she's playing with all the other little cats on the other side of the bridge, free from pain. Think about giving a good home to a rescue cat in her memory.

  • Hello Angel_of_the_North,

    I am sorry I brought up bad memories for you. I am sure you couldn't have done anymore, I think it is the grieving stages. Life is over for Josie and that is hard to cope with.

    I don't think I could give another cat a home, it would feel wrong but maybe in time, its hard to say x

  • I thought that, but current moggy is so different from previous one. No one else would have kept him as he was so vicious. But 13 years later ... For me the guilt, whether deserved or not, never really goes.

    Take care; what you did was the best thing.

  • Thank you Angel_of_the-North, it's very hard but you shouldn't feel guilty, neither should I really, I gave her a great life, so hard to know her short life is over. She was spoilt rotton, in the kitchen we have a large cupboard with three deep shelves - these were always jammed packed with a hugh varity of cat foods, treats & Vitamins, she had differen't beds, an electric one, a plush fleecey one, a heat retaining one that was supportive for her arthitis and an igloo one so she could snuggle into it. She had endless love and was always taken to the vets when needed but I still feel guilty - it makes know sense. I hate being in the house without her, its so so empty : <

  • Hi Kitten, I am so so sorry to hear about Josie. But how wonderful she had such a long life. That is quite an acheivement for both of you. But must make it even harder now she's gone, I understand.

    Two years ago, almost to the day, I had to have my Sam Dog put down due to creeping parallisis of the spine. He was only ten years old, but had always had a bad back, right from a puppy. He moved in with me when he was 3 months old, and we were very close.

    Ending his life was the hardest thing I ever had to do. And I still feel guilty, and Wonder if I'd really done all I could to save him... But I think the answer to that question is : yes. There was nothing else to be done. He was suffering enormously. And I think, in the end, he understood. I stayed with him, and held his head, and gazed into his eyes until the end. And I'll never forget him, never.

    And then, a year ago, my cousin posted a photo of a dog on Facebook. She lives in Spain and is involved in the rescue of Spanish dogs and cats - who suffer terribly in Spain. This dog, Davro, had been in the shelter for 7 years, and he was only 8 years old. And had ended up feeling so insecure, he would no-longer leave his cage. He was a black dog, not very pretty, and nobody wanted him. I knew I had to have him. So, I paid for his passport, and his vaccinations, and his transport, and a lovely lady brought him to my door, all the way from Spain. And now he's my baby and my Davro Dog, and I love him, too.

    I've never forgotten Sam, he'll always be in my heart, but Davro needs me, and I can make his life Worth living for the rest of his days. And that's Worth doing. In memory of Sam.

    And now I'm crying, too.

  • Greygoose that is beautiful, how wonderful of you to do that - Darvo does need you, I am so glad he has found a loving home - that is special.

    That is very brave of you to go in while he was being put to sleep and would have meant so much to Sam, I am afraid that is where I did let Josie down because I could not watch, she would have known something was wrong because my tears would have been failing all over her and i didn't want that - I took her home to bury her near her beatiful sister, the vet said she went peacefully but when I looked at her, it didn't look that way.

    It's all so raw at the minute, so so near my birthday too :<

  • Yes, I know what you mean. And I envy you being able to bring her home to bury. We're not allowed to do that in France, and walking out without him was so hard. Thank goodness I had my son with me to catch me when I fell.

    I'm sure she did go peacefully. It isn't a stressful procedure. Just an injection to make them go to sleep. Sam wasn't the first one, because I've always had cats and dogs. And, unfortunately, they have very short lives. It was just that Sam was the only one I'd had from a puppy. So, he was special.

    Take care, Kitten, and know that you were loved. And will be again one day, I'm sure. xxx

  • Bless you Greygoose, thank you xx

  • Oh, kitten-whiskers- I am so, so very sorry for your loss. 😢 I remember your writing about Josie and that you felt in your heart that it just wasn't time to put her to sleep (then). I think you were right in trusting your gut instincts as you had this extra time with her - that is so, so precious. I know you did everything you could for her and when she needed you most, you came through and did the right thing. She is at peace.

    Hubby and I went thru the same thing in May. We were there at the end for our Cleo, holding her and loving her as she crossed the rainbow bridge. My heart still (and always will) aches for her. We had her for 20 years, so I truly understand the level of grief you are feeling.

    Do not let anyone belittle your grief - your love for Josie was/is real and this kind of loss is devastating beyond belief. I don't think I will ever get over it.

    However, with that said, I thought I would never EVER have another cat but I just couldn't bear an empty house. Merely two weeks after losing Cleo, we became the proud parents of two rescue kitties, from two completely different shelters. We adopted Otis, a 1 1/2 year old male Seal-point Siamese and Ziva, a 1 year old female Seal-point Snowshoe Siamese (she looks so very much like Cleo that in the beginning, I would cry just looking at her).

    It has been an emotional roller coaster these past 4 months that's for sure but these two furbabies are actually instrumental in helping to heal our broken hearts. Both Otis and Ziva came from such bad situations and together, we are all becoming a family. I couldn't imagine life without them.

    I truly believe that Cleo would approve and is happy that we've opened up our home and our hearts, and are learning to love again.

    Kitten-whiskers, the days ahead are difficult ones. Remember to breathe. Allow yourself to cry and surround yourself with people who care and support you. Most of all, forgive yourself. You were the BEST mom for Josie. She lived a good, full life because of YOU and your love for her. No one could ask for better. You WILL get through this, I promise. <3



  • Good evening Milkwoman,

    Thank you so much for your kind words, they mean so much.

    We did share those extra couple of months and I feel that was right, after all they are only here a short while so any extra time is worth fighting for.

    I know in my heart that Wednesday was her time to go to heaven but it was the hardest thing I have ever done, I would give anything to have her back with me now.

    i can understand why people get kittens/cats quickly, the house is empty and no loving companion to greet you but I know I would feel guilty if i done that, many years would have to pass, I realise some people would think I was selfish as there are so many cats needing homes but i really can't

    Your kittens sound adorable, It must have been difficult with one looking like Clio. I am so glad they are helping you move on

    Best wishes

    Debs x

  • Dear Kitten-whiskers I am so sorry and sad for you, your Josie was obviously very special.

    Then to hear of your specialist not helping must have been a huge shock.

    Wish I could give you a hug, wrap you in a warm blanket and offer some care and comfort.

    With love and sympathy xx

  • Thank you Thyr01d, Josie was very special. Your kind words make all the difference xx

  • You set her free from pain,and now she is playing in the Rainbow Bridge garden chasing butterflies,she has left paws prints on your heart so she will always be with you, run free little puss cat,have fun at the bridge.

  • Thank you Redted x

  • Losing a much-loved pet is awful, I’m so sorry. I lost one of my cats a few months ago, and I really was inconsolable. I’ve lost cats before, but this one was extra special (he was hand-reared, and the naughtiest cat on the planet, but my constant companion during some dark times for me health-wise). I still shed a few tears, but I still love looking at old photos of him. I empathise with the guilt trip you are doing, it is hard to shake off that guilt, but you really did do the right thing.

    I vowed that it would be the last time I ever got a cat again, because I couldn’t bear the thought of “replacing” the lost one, or that I would then have to endure that level of grief again. However, our remaining old cat was pining dreadfully (not eating, not playing, generally “off”) and, many months later, I rescued a small kitten.

    You never ever forget the one that you lost, and my new kitten certainly wasn’t any kind of replacement, but my old cat has a new lease of life and I love seeing them running around the house and playing together. She has brought some joy back into my life.

    I have also long thought that vets should be our first port of call to sort out our health too.

  • Good evening Beansmummy, So sorry to hear of your lose, I can imagine how hard that must have been for you, hand rearing him as well, bless.

    your right it is so hard, although I know I done the right thing, that guilt doesn't go away, in time when the pain eases. I miss her terribley

    I couldn't agree more, I aways wished the vet would treat me, he treated Josie so well and he always done his best for her, he certainly prolonged her life, it's the opposite with doctors : <

  • Yes..i care!!! I have lost my dear Oscar to cancer..spent thousands of dollars, trying to pull him thru..what a mistake. That was 2 years ago in December. Then my daughter starts dating this guy and suddenly moves out. My hashimotos went into full gear. My brain fog, swelling, vision issues, everything, had gotten terrible . My next oldest kitty Buddy, suddenly had his Kidneys fail and i had to put him to sleep in July..my poor little babies! I have never recovered. I am now seeing a functional medicine doctor for help. I am crying as i type this..i miss them so and feel so helpless, guilty..all of it. They are so sweet and soft. I really would be lsot if i didn't have my little girl KiKi Scarlet left and Willie ..but K. Scarlet is so funny, but the house is very empty.

  • Hello Faith63, I am so sorry to hear of your loses, I completely understand how you feel, Kidneys were what took my Josie and a Tumour took her sister Jessie five years ago. My heart broke and never repaired - they were the most beautiful little girls, my dad said I should celebrate their life, which in theory is very true but it isn't so simple is it........... They are part of the family.

    I am sure you done everything you could and they had great lives because of you - we need to focus on all the good things we done and not blame ourselves for the things we have no control over - as difficult as it is.

    I hope your doctor is helping and that your daughter is to

    Best wishes

    Debs x

  • I had my cat for 20 years and had to put her down last year; I think that I cried for a month. It is a difficult decision to make but one can't keep them going when their health deteriorates. I think of all the joy she gave me and the love when I was living alone. We waited a while and now have two kittens. They are different but equally entrancing. If they both live until they are twenty I will be an old woman then. Having had cats and dogs all my life I accept that they don't live as long as us but it is still hard.

  • Hello Penny,

    Sorry to hear about your lose, it is hard to accept that they have short lives and it is good you have been able to give a loving home to two beatiful kittens

    Best wishes


  • I'm sending you big hugs. The memory of how you feel is still with me although it's nearly 14yrs ago I had to put my little one down. She was in pain and suffering and was only going to get worse so like you there's no choice, we had to be strong. She got me through an awful divorce and sadly having no children was like my baby. Still the hardest thing I've ever done but the vet was lovely. And no, many people didn't understand but luckily my new boyfriend (now hubby!) did .Take care and in time maybe rescue a cat from a home, you obviously have a lot of love to give.

  • Hello mrsm49,

    sorry to bring back such sad memories. It was the hardest think I had to do as well, I did leave it as long as I could but I can't help but feel guilty.

    She has been in my life since i was 14, got me through somre really horrible times and like you, I have no children.

    The house is so empty, her favourite spots in the house are bare and my heart is full of sorrow. I am glad you found an understanding hubby :>

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