Went to a shopping mill today and had to use wheelchair, not so much because of thyroid but because of lumber disc problem causing sciatica.
Any way totally fed up, the person i was with had little time for me and i felt i was a nuisence. Plus i hated not been in control of my own life. The thyroid side is bad enough and when im out and its too busy and noisy and i seem to get more confused than ever.
Anyway great mothers day..not...yes i feel a little sorry for myself and want my old self back. The person who did her hair and makeup, the person who was interested in her appearance,the person who never gave up and loved a challenge.The person who loved to stop and chat.
The most i seem to beable to do is have clean clothes,and tie my hair back, dont look in mirrors thats not a good idea.
Boy can this disease rob us of so much.
Do you ever find that if you have a task to complete that is what you focuss on,,if for example a shop assistant or someone in the bank asks you something totally different...your at a loss..oh i didnt expect that.
Its like my body is there but my mind wont always follow...does that make sense.
One question that i cant find the answer to..is why do some people get respect no matter what....and others seem to be aplogising for everything...thats me at the moment.
Day ended in tears, helplessness and longing for change.
If you can relate to this please get in touch.
Christine
Written by
yorkshiregirl44
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Oh Christine, so sorry for your rotten day. Physically I am getting a bit better but am also dealing with a horrible family situation that is leaving me feeling very much helpless, longing for for change and utterly disrespected so I really feel for you xxx
Its a horrible feeling isnt it when your voice no longer counts, and because we dont have the energy to fight on we feel worthless. I dont know about you but im going to make small changes.
I have a friend who has always insisted on respect from everyone, she told me she has expectations of what someone should do, both in and out out of the family. The big difference in us is i will want to make sure we had enough food, that iv pais the bills and everyone around me is ok. My friend makes sure she has had her hair, nails, feet done and that someone is available to give her a lift. I remmeber a time when she met a new guy and he asked her to ring him. She said Oh i cant do that just think how much that will coat me. She never had to use her phone again. Another time i went to the shop with her,,yes she has had back sugery and wont carry a thing..she ended up handing me what shed bought eve though im also in agony with my back,whats annoying is that i didnt refuse...
Oh you sound really fed up. I used to get sciatica then I met an amazing physio who diagnosed a displaced pelvis, did a lot if pushing and shoving and a brilliant little exercise to do whenever I feel it coming back. It is the most painful thing ever and sitting in a wheelchair probably doesn't help it at all.
Your friend sounds kind if selfish to be honest. Not exactly someone to cheer you up on a down day
As for being forgetful and getting mixed up. I called our cat by the name of the cat we had about five cats ago - I could just see my husband wondering if he should worry or not. Wasn't helped by getting the wrong name for something else half an hour later. Happens to us all (I hope!)
Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day than today, buy yourself some jelly babies - choose one, name it after your friend or anyone else who gets on your nerves, hold it up then - bite its head off. Simples
Thats put a smile on my face, forgetting the cats name and the jelly babies. The friend i mentioned wasnt with me today..thats was another time....ifshe was out shopping she would have all her little helpers with her.....Jelly baby one gone
"respect" - I think not. It sounds like "expect" to me. Or wanting it all their own way. I too have met people like this and ended up thinking that we fall into one of two categories and I'm not in the one your friend is in either. I knew one woman who would have people rushing to help her every time it was needed - I think there must have been a look she had. The same people would just ignore or criticise me if I needed help or more likely wouldn't even notice!
Do sympathise with your difficult day yesterday. The hardest thing is not being the person I was before. I did so much, drove whenever and wherever I wanted, held down a mentally and physically demanding job etc. Now I rarely go anywhere other than very local, on bath days manage nothing more than that and can keep only one thing in my head at a time and have to fight to stop that escaping!
Hope the small changes work for you - keep us posted. have a good week. S.
Oh I empathise completely and feel so sorry for you ..yes mothers day? Doesn't always go to plan ? Disrespectful and disregard our feelings ? It's all an effort like you say just to turn up clean and dressed but I don't think anyone fully understands this illness unless they have had it themselves. ...it's horrible and it's like someone pulled the plug out but what can we do? Me? I hide away fed up being mocked because of my fat tummy or because I forget what I'm talking about half way through a sentence...I feel useless and my life is over and i too end up alone crying ..I'm sorry I feel so sorry for you as you too are hurting so much .....big hugs lola xx
Thanks Lola for those kind words...I also feel sad for you,its not acceptable that we should be made to feel this way. We get it frim all angles, the doctors, friends, family and society...there must be thousands of us all over the country in our own little worlds getting by the best we can.
Everyday is not like this but sometimes you get sock of putting on this brave face..dont you..xx
Your right some days are ok but to be honest .and I'm not sure if this is my Illness or ive got Depression but I'm better now left alone it's so much easier than being mocked because you Can't remember what you ve done yesterday or tutted at because your walking slowly as your so tierd...even doctors receptionist has a go at me ..yes we are all over the country living half lives because doctors don't get trained properly ..best wishes lola x
The cruel thing is that we should all be treated better by doctors and endocrinologist s....but we have to either fight hard or throw money at getting better...Some of us have no fight or Money left
Yes we should...and dont you just dred the next appointment..iv got three pending and really cant face them at the moment..zero energy
Hi christine, yep totally relate to how you are feeling! What people dont realize is the amount of effort we have to put in at times just to do normal things that others take for granted. I have a so called friend like that she talks about me behind my back and says this forum fills my head with illness ideas! I now only see her when essential.On a practical note you may have already tried it but I found pregablin(lyrica)the best med for sciatica. People on here understand. Sending hugsx
Hi Christine, A lot of us can relate to days like that ! Thyroid disease on it's own is bad enough but the spinal issues s well ! I know all about it cause I am in the exact same position. "They" tried to bully me into spinal surgery 36 years ago when I was 19 !! Struggled until I was about 30 then in desperation tried chiropractic. Was lucky, got the best chiropractor. I have lived a normal life, doing contact sport and heavy lifting. Had some bad episodes but have always recovered. Much better than I was 30 years ago ! Since this thyroid kicked in the back is worse. The nerve irritation and muscle weakening is a symptom of both under and over. I have had nearly 4 grim years of pain and poor health but am well recovered this last 2 months. I recognize everything you described.. On the 28th January this year I was just about giving up ! Was sick and had a dropped foot, no movement in left foot at all and so much pain. Leg gave out and I had to use crutches to walk. Virtually pain free now, foot moves and feels almost normal, energy is good and I am once again bright and sociable. Have lost nearly 2 stone. Don't give up hope of recovery - it can still happen.
Hi Christine - my sympathies - I know exactly how you feel. My youngest daughter invited me out for a Mothers Day lunch, just the two of us, as she knows I can no longer cope with other people. We had a lovely time, a lovely meal, and she dropped me home. I collapsed on the sofa and slept for two hours just to get over the "brave face" I had put on.
I have often wondered about the respect thing - some of us give way to people walking towards us, and some just plough on expecting people to get out of the way, and I have never understood why. I give way, but why? I tried one day not giving way and was bashed into several times! Is it an energy people give out? I know most of us on here dont have the energy to keep our eyes open, let alone part the Red Sea!
I am sitting here waiting for my leg to stop falling off so I can actually get up and do something useful, if I can remember what it was I should be doing....just another Hashi day! Hug.
I don't like reading that other people are having such a rotten time because I hate that you are feeling so dreadful, physically and mentally. However, it is "good" that it helps others feel less alone, and that we are all in the same (sinking?) boat. This site is a safe place to vent, thank goodness.
I really appreciate that I have a very supportive, understanding husband, but it is only other sufferers who truly understand.
Because we don't always look ill, maybe if we all overdosed on jelly babies and turned the colour of our favourite one, then sprouted an extra head or two, other people would realise that we are actually unwell.
If you have a bad back and are near Windsor, Guildford or Barkham I would recommend Body Realignment. (I am a BR practitioner but am not monetarially motivated as I am not in these areas and am not advertising for business.)
It can have spectacular results - I have a client who had back pain for 10 years and had 'conventional' treatments every week for 18 months - still in agony; first BR treatment (2hrs) and no pain since!
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back to square one!!!
