Hello. I am a 20 year old female struggling with a crippling fear of cancer running in my family. I spend way too much time on the internet seeking assurance but still find myself worrying about it. I'm not even worried for myself but I'm more scared for my family members having it. It makes me very anxious and depressed thinking about it but i can't stop you know, the fear and all the what ifs are just there in my mind all the time.
Would anyone be kind enough to share some tips on how to overcome this fear? I'm only 20 years old and I don't really want to waste my life away with all the worrying and fear... Thank you. I hope everyone is well. Xx
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Rain_ism
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Hi there, unfortunately these kinds of fears are difficult to stop without external help. As you will already know we Google symptoms looking for reassurance and end up worse than when we started, but we somehow keep repeating the same thing over and over again.Number 1 rule would hace to be not to Google but I hace not managed that yet.
In fact a few years ago I got rid of my smartphone and had one of those phones without internet, my health anxiety decreased to almost 0, then I had to have a smartphone for work, started Googling again for "reassurance" and I felt so ill again.
Sorry I'm not of much help really, you are so young that it would be a shame to waste your life away, I would try to get professional help x
I hope it helps if you know that the chance of cancer is only 5% hereditary and 95% due to your environment. That's what I learned in my diploma course and other research. So optimise your environment by diet, wellbeing, avoiding obvious carcinogens etc and you are doing all you can. It will never be 0% but the above odds are good.
Wow those numbers actually made me feel a bit better... I'm just constantly thinking about cancer running in my family (i don't even have a proof for this lol) and worrying that my family will suffer from pain. Thank you so much for this insight!
Try to speak with an expert in the field, an oncologist. I do understand. Both my parents are dead (unnatural causes) and I only just found out, almost 30 years later, that my father had a spleen tumour. I do have anxiety and, of course, this triggered a massive terror. I spoke to my GP. He reassured me that it is extremely rare to have just spleen tumour and actually, that should reassure me as a rare one such as spleen tumour is unlikely to be hereditary BUT he did support me by agreeing that doing some family history searching, to see if cancer was anywhere else on my father's side, was a good idea and then we could decide if I should speak with an oncololgist etc I found only a couple of cases but both relatives were in their eighties, and one a heavy smoker.Of course, I still worry but my point is to try to find a supportive doctor who can put you in touch with an expert to give you the facts and stats. Stats are something which help with my anxiety - facts help me to rationalise myself down from the ceiling.
Hello, thank you for responding. That seems like a really good idea, however, I still can't afford talking to an oncologist or any professional in that matter as I'm still a student without my own income. Let's see what I can do about this on my own... 😅
Are you not in the UK? I live in the Netherlands so I don't know if it would cost me, via insurance, to speak to an oncologist etcBut in the UK, go to your GP and explain and ask to be put in touch - it will be free. If not, find the local oncologist at hospitals in your area and email/contact them. You might find a sympathetic one who will help. Find out if just talking to a specialist, in this context, will cost beforehand. You've decided it will cost you money without checking - don't put the obstacle there before you know if it actually exists. Good luck!
Hi! Thank you for responding. I do acknowledge that I suffer from terrible health anxiety that a slight headache would mean a tumor. And I also do understand I might need professional help with that. I'm considering getting a talk with someone who can help me in that matter. However, every CBT counseling I find requires a large amount of money which I don't currently have. I guess I'm just going to find ways to make it better by myself. 😅
There is quite a lot on health anxiety and cancer on YouTube. It may help you to lesten to some of them, some of them are therapy, some are just if people in the same boat as you with the fear. But sometimes just knowing other people fear as you do can help, helps you know there is nothing abnormal about you! Good luck. x
Hi, fully understandable anxiety, have you tried mindfulness - I found a good one free through Future learn. It’s not a cure all, but can really help and often goes with CBT. It’s about treating your anxiety with gentle kind discipline. I like how they talk about training a puppy. I lost my mum when very young and had other trauma. I now am able to name my fear as anxiety, see it as most likely that, tell myself google won’t help and probably create fear and suffering inside for longer, remind myself it’s unhelpful. Helps me to calm down the anxious worry brain and gut and then distract by doing or planning something I really enjoy doing, living a life I’d like, rather than wasting it worrying, and feeling ill! If anxiety gets better of me I see GP or talk to someone who’s a good listener until brain calms down. See GP for referral to CBT counseling too if needed. Hope that helps. X
Thank you for this! I have moments when I can distract myself but every time the distraction dies down, I just feel like falling in that pit of worrying again. I'm currently trying to find ways on how to fight these toxic thoughts.
I’ve used CBT for health anxiety recently and found it helps. I kept a worry diary and found getting the fears out of my head and down onto paper made a big difference, it helps to be able to identify exactly what they are and how the same worries come up over and over again. Your GP will be able to refer you to a counsellor although will probably be online right now. I also find tapping a huge help, there’s an app called The Tapping Solution which is brilliant
Heart disease runs in my family. I always worried about it. I exercised like a loony and still ended up with 2 heart attacks. But i survived. I cant tell you what you must do, but after all my experiences my advice is. Leave the internet alone unless you are ill. Love your family as much as you can. Live your life and do everything you want and can afford to do. Because one day you wont be able to do those things, and youll regret not doing them. Trust me i know from experience. All the best.
Bless you. Worrying about others. You seem like a really nice person. I worked in cancer research for a while and I have no fear of it. Probably because I know that I have a good chance of getting it. If so, then so be it. We all have to die of something and pain control is very advanced these days. Quite a lot of cancers are curable but you will know this already.
The important thing here is obsession. If it weren’t fear of cancer it would probably be something else. When I was a child I had to touch twenty railings on the way to school and it got on my nerves. I was only seven but I resolved to kill the obsession myself. I cut it to nineteen then eighteen until I got it to zero. The sense of liberation was enormous.
I had katsaridaphobia (fear of cockroaches) and I went to a hypnotherapist and she cured me in one session.
There are myriad ways you can conquer this. You just need to be determined. You’re mind has got itself into a loop and your mind is strong enough to break the loop.
Not fearing cancer sounds like a very good thing to me. Idk if it helps but I'm trying to reconcile with the fact that everyone dies just as you said, i just don't want my family to suffer from physical or any kind of pain too much. Thank you for your response, i do know i can overcome this it's just a matter of pushing myself to do so. Wishing you well!
You are very young to be going through this. I've just gone through tests, questionnaires and telephone calls with geneticists as cancer runs through my family. Even my twin sister was affected. At 55 I was petrified. To arm myself I investigated the types, the ages diagnosed and quality of life. This is also asked of you by the geneticists. I needed to know what to expect, what could and couldn't I do. What things to put in place and spoke to family members about a possible health issue. Sounds awful but I felt relieved and was actually proud of myself. Its not ended though. I have to be tested every 3 years for the rest of my life. I can self refer without speaking to my gp If needed which I think is reassuring. I do feel looked after and noticed that my anxiety just went and I didn't notice. 😊 Do you want to give all that a try? 🤔
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