Anxious over uncertainty : I write on this post... - IBS Network

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Anxious over uncertainty

Roukaya profile image
25 Replies

I write on this post from time to time and yesterday I experienced discrimination at the Supermarket

I was told by an elderly lady where do you come from ? I answered I was born and educated in UK

I am the same as anyone else here

She then said but look at you

You do not look English

I again answered who are you to judge Mr

I also said your words are prejudicial and do not talk to me anymore

I now realise just how hard it is too succeed

I suffer from anxiety and depression accelerated now by the Coronvirius an elderly Mother, exam borderline failures and being unmarried at fifty

My heart breaks how people can try to tear you down

Again I am sad that we can judged and sometimes in the cruellest way

My IBS is starting again and many times as I find seeking a work experience placement near impossible to find I wonder at times why I try

I wonder if anyone given their own worries is willing and able to answer me

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Roukaya profile image
Roukaya
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25 Replies
FRreedman profile image
FRreedman

In view of the upset it causes you, it may be an idea to think of a few witty and funny answers to respond with eg. Looks can be deceiving, you don't look stupid. Just keep practicing it (you don't want to burst out laughing when you say it, but you don't want to say it incorrectly either). Keep your pecker up.

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to FRreedman

Thank you for reply

I realise she has caused me deep offence but I thank you for your advuce

IBSNetwork profile image
IBSNetworkPartnerIBS Network

Hi there,

Sorry you had this experience and that you are struggling at the moment. Please remember that we are here to help.

Find out how we can help you more here theibsnetwork.org/member-be...

Linley profile image
Linley

Hi

I am so sorry you feel you were discriminated but us elderly ladies (and I am one) don't always put things over correctly. But one thing we do that is good is that we talk to people no matter who they are. I find sometimes that younger people don't wish to talk to me in fact they ignore me which could be considered ageism. I have been reviewing your posts and feel for you so just a suggestion look up The Shaw Foundation they may be able to offer you support. Please take care

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Linley

Thank you for your reply

I am aware I have mental health issues but given the Coronavirus sweeping U.K. I doubt if anyone will listen to me

Chidacsmum profile image
Chidacsmum

I am so sorry you were upset by that persons questions Roukaya. People sometimes speak before thinking and their questions come across as rude and insensitive. Please try not to let it upset you. I suffer from anxiety and have found that relaxation exercises are really helpful.

Beezwax profile image
Beezwax in reply to Chidacsmum

Sometimes (maybe more so with the current health crisis) people are just plain racist and need to be told so in no uncertain terms - whatever their age.

Sheeniejay profile image
Sheeniejay

Hi Roukaya. I am 48 and unmarried and, to be honest, I think we're in a good place - no responsibilities, no having to think, ' oh heck, I have to pluck my eyebrows', we can wear terrible grey ' should have been thrown away years ago' loose elastic underwear, wear jim jams all day...I'm not trying to make light of your feelings - I have chronic anxiety (Generalised Anxiety Disorder) and OCD and sink into bleak pits at time, especially when I encounter people like you did - social media drags me down faster than salt passing through an egg timer. People are cruel. In the situation you describe, maybe try to turn it around. A large percentage of elderly are lonely and unhappy - in a weird way, you may have been the only contact she will have all week. I am trying to accept that people can be cruel & given that the other person won't be fretting and getting upset about it, I should try to leave it outside the mental door.

Re Corona - stay safe, stay indoors as much as possible, avoid large crowds and in the supermarket etc in the queue, stand 1.5 m away & practice that sort of social distancing. It's transmitted by coughing, sneezing, water particles etc so hence the 1.5 m distance. Wash hands frequently and, after being out & about, do not touch face, eyes, mouth, ears etc until you have washed your hands or used alcohol based hand gel/spray.

The Corona virus will be with us for some months more so you have to protect yourself as best you can.

Good luck.

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Sheeniejay

Dear Sheeniejay

I think may be you have understood my symptoms quite well

Acceptance and doing what we can within our abilities is the best we can do

Thank you for detailed reply

motorhead profile image
motorhead

Everyone preaches about respect but despite this there are an awful lot of individuals out there who do not deliver on it. These people are ignorant and whilst it's easy for me to say this you have as much right to walk the planet as anyone else. Try to rise above it and remember, no one has the right to spoil a moment of your day!

Munchkinfeet profile image
Munchkinfeet

I feel for you. Prejudice exists all over the world, not just UK. In the current climate my mind turns to a friend holidaying in Spain who has been abused by spanish locals and refused entry to local supermarket for being British "go back to your own country", etc. Dreadful.

I would advise against witty retorts, as FRreedman suggests, take strength from having dignity and say a prayer to the universe or God that the person overcomes their prejudice and learns to be kinder. Always be the better person. Flash your best smile and walk away.

Do you have friends/family to help you.

I am awaiting surgery, should've been today, but my surgeon clearly had more important things to do (coronavirus training) and I've been postponed.

Take care x

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Munchkinfeet

Thank you for reply

I expect you are disappointed as your surgery you have waited for has been postponed

It is a set back

I have no one on UK

I cared previously for my elderly Father who has died you years ago

My Mother who lives overseas due to visit today but again had had to postpone her travel plans

Since my Father died I have been trying to study for Wills and Probate and find a years work experience

But I have failed the exams on three attempts this is why I had decided to remain on UK to study and find employment

But I am very sad at being so alone

I will volunteer at Age UK this morning and give telephone advice and if I see anyone it will have to see them at a distance

I have no one in UK

Munchkinfeet profile image
Munchkinfeet in reply to Roukaya

Where do you live x

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya

I live in Derby the Midlands

Could I ask where fo you live

Munchkinfeet profile image
Munchkinfeet in reply to Roukaya

Scotland

one-n-den profile image
one-n-den

Hi Roukaya,

Very sorry to hear of your experience with this racist.

The BBC have just put up this article on their website - I felt that it articulated very well the thoughts that I’ve had on the subject for years - mainly that there never was a ‘pure English’ (or French, or Italian, or Indian) race - we’re all mongrels - in Britain’s case a blend of Romans, Vikings, Angles, Saxons, Huns etc etc.

How to argue with a racist: Five myths debunked bbc.co.uk/news/science-envi...

I like FR reedman’s idea of having a few quips up your sleeve - think them through, and be ready to walk away after having the last word!

Chin up!

Suzygirl1954 profile image
Suzygirl1954

Treat remarks like that with the contempt they deserve.

Arkus profile image
Arkus

Say to the insulting person, “That’s racist and it says more about you than me. It’s your problem not mine.

You are as worthy as anyone else and please just treat as best you can people like that with a pinch of salt. I know it's easier said that done but you can do it. I was treated like I was thick for many years, I left school with nothing and did some studying after my children were born, I'm now 60 and my education no longer bothers me. Just because people are educated up to university level doesn't mean that they are any better. Therefore, just because you maybe have a different skin colour doesn't make you any less worthy of anyone else, in fact, I would say you are better than that woman.

Please be kind to yourself.

I know go to yoga every week and you learn to like yourself and give yourself time.

Take care xx

Mum0fBoys profile image
Mum0fBoys

I sincerely hope that this was a misplaced comment, rather than racism.

I am proud of our countries diversity.

I agree with the other comments, some witty retorts at the ready!

Put it down to their ignorance!

Bejwo50 profile image
Bejwo50

Hope your feeling better... I'm in bed with a hot water bottle due to a ibs flare up. I've been having a flare up every morning for the past 3 days, and I think its anxiety related as well as food related. More anxiety. However I did have fish and chips late last night which is a trigger.

Hope your well. Take care. Stay safe sending you hugs.

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Bejwo50

It is very painful to have a flare up

I think it is essential to start to cleanse your body of foods which can act as irritants

Daily produce

Fatty foods

Are detrimental to the guy

It would be helpful to have herbal tea and try yoghurts which are good for the gut

I do know that Holland and Barry’s sells sells a powder called Arrow root , it cleanses the guy she in my view a wonder cure

See if your Gp can prescribe Mebeverine

I usually take these it helps greatly

Also stress can trigger IBS

It is very painful to suffer but your diet and stress levels work hand in hand

It is important to listen to the body and fruit and salad to provide relief for the digestive system

I can understand why you ate fish and child but it is essential you care for the gut

Bejwo50 profile image
Bejwo50

When I was first diagnosed with ibs I tried mebeverine and it didn't help,. In the past colpermin have helped. I had 1 capsule and I'm feeling better but I don't have any left. Need to pop out and get hold of some, but as I also suffer from hayfever, dont feel like getting out. Maybe I will do so later in the evening.

I may give mebeverine a try again

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya

Try what you can to feel better

Rest and reducing your anxiety levels

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