am I developing an eating disorder/anorexia?

[alexaa13]

hi there,

so this is my situation: I have always had a difficult relationship with my body due to being a chubby kid and pressure from my family to lose the extra weight from a young age. Now I'm 18 and decided a couple of months ago that I was going to start eating more consciously. I started cutting back on unhealthy foods and began to lose weight, which was great at first, but it kept getting more extreme. Now, I skip meals every day, when I eat more than one meal a day I feel extremely guilty, I can't eat big/normal portions in front of other people, the idea of going out to eat gives me extreme anxiety and just the thought of foods I used to love makes me feel sick.

I can feel myself falling into these habits deeper every day and I just can't stop it from getting worse even tho I don't wish to lose any more weight.

are these the beginning stages of an eating disorder?

if anybody has been through something similar or could give me any tips on how to overcome this, I would be so thankful if you left a comment.

[Caroline74]

I rarely reply to posts but yours hit a nerve. Please I beg you get help NOW. My problem started at aged 18 and I did exactly what you did. I had also been a chubby child. Now age 43 I am STILL in the grips of anorexia. 25 years of torture. My life has been ruined as a result - no husband, partner or children as anorexia has all consumed me. I thought it would be the answer - I'd stop being haunted by being a fat child and I'd get care love and attention. It backfired big time. I am lonely and still fighting. I've tried to end my life a few times and been hospitalised twice which was awful. I SO wish I'd got intensive help when I was 18 as maybe my life would have been very different. You won't be fat or chubby again I promise. But please be a healthy weight with a healthy mind. I don'tknow if you are in the UK or elsewhere. If you can't get help for free please see if there is any way you can go private. But get help NOW please. I am so sad that you are struggling and anorexia has already got its teeth into you but with help and determination you will be able to beat this easier than if you wa it 25 years when the grip is so much stronger.

Take care xx

[crazycrossstitcher in reply to Caroline74]

Sorry you are still struggling - can empathise with you and share your desperation - I am now 58 and still battling to try and recover - and it is still a daily battle to force myself to eat the extras the dietician has told me I need to gain the weight that will help me recover - its so hard when you know that mentally your low weight is holding you in your anorexic thinking - and only by gaining weight can you escape these thought patterns - when it is these very thoughts that control your eating - so circular - and so hard to break from this trip round in circles in your head. Hope you are getting some support.

[alexaa13 in reply to Caroline74]

Thank you so much for sharing this with me, even though I knew my situation is not healthy, I think I underestimated what harm I could be doing. This really was a wakeup call to what the consequences to my habits could be. I'm so sorry you are struggling and hope you keep on fighting. Thank you for giving me a push in the right direction.

[crazycrossstitcher]

Please do seek help NOW - I too started at 18 - being a chubby teenager - and I too started just cutting back a little here and there - lost weight and felt great. This rapidly followed the pattern you describe and developed quickly into a full blown case of anorexia - which wrecked my life. You are at the stage when you recognise you have a problem - that is the first step to recovery - so please do get to your GP - ask for specialist help - and don't let them fob you off - you need professional help as you have an illness which needs urgent treatment. Please don't wait and think you can do it alone as I did - my life was destroyed - don't let the disease do the same to you.

[alexaa13 in reply to crazycrossstitcher]

Thank you for replying, I think I just hit the point you mentioned where it switched from feeling great to never being satisfied and not being able to stop...

This really opened my eyes to the reality that if I do not take action, it will get worse and out of my control.

[crazycrossstitcher in reply to alexaa13]

Glad to help - take it from one with experience - you need to get "professional" help asap - don't think you can or have to do it alone - it is an illnessl

[lillyofthevalley37]

This is the slippery slope of anorexia, the trouble is it feels good at first but there will be a price to pay

Yet you seem to have some lucidity and this will save you if you want it to you can defy the urges it will bully you but persevere

Some people refer to their anorexia as a demon which sounds a bit spooky but I knew someone who got rid of their anorexia by their Christian faith whatever you decide to do good luck

[art62grammie]

You need to get angry for this illness taking you down this path. I just recently joined the group. How are you doing now? Yes, as a severe Anorexic since 14 and now 54 I know your struggles all to well. I have recently recovered and living free. It is not easy but I am doing it. Living without Anorexia after being controlled by it. It told me what to eat or drink. It told me how to feel. It was a life of hell and torture. The ultimate goal of this illness is to destroy your body and mind. It did that for me. I now have gained my weight and restored my mind and I love it. I face battles with it often. Recovery has given me the tools to fight this monster and the voices it says to you. My mental doctors say 'THEY ARE BITCH ASS LIES'. Yes, and I listened for forty years. I now turn off those lies and do what I want. YOU HANG IN THERE AND FIGHT. YOU CAN CONQUER THIS DEADLY MENTAL ILLNESS TOO. LOVE YOU AND THINK POSITIVE.

[art62grammie]

I will add to this. When those old voices of Anorexia talk. I don't just talk back in my mind. I talk out loud just as if it were sitting next to me. It destroyed 40 years of my life. I get pissed and talk verbally to it. That is called fighting back. I want it to know that I am mad and hate every aspect of that illness. It is deadly and I have conquered it. GOODBYE TO ANOREXIA YOU are out of my life. I don't talk to it verbally when around others. I have a conversation when alone. You are not insane. You may think you are because of how the illness attacks the mind. We are far from insane. You can ask my doctors.