Eating disorder?

[AnnaCatCountry]

I recently signed up on here with hope that I'll find something's out and what I should do. I think I have an eating disorder but I'm not skinny. I'm 5,8 and weigh 128. I'm 16 (girl) I starve myself because I want to be the thin pretty girl everyone likes. I exercise for almost 3 hours every night in my room. The lowest weight I've been is 118. I always thought to be anorexic you have to be serverly underweight and I'm not. I wish I was. Food is all I think about. I count calories and if I don't know what's in something I won't eat it. I have depression and I'm not sure what to do. No one knows but my one friend and she said I should tell someone. But I don't think anyone would take me seriously since I'm not deadly skinny.. I never eat breakfast and I weight myself over 10 times a day. I try to skip dinner everyday but I usually eat it. I hide food in napkins and throw it away when no ones looking. This has been going on for 2 years and I don't see it ending. There's more I could say but I can't think. I don't know what to do.

[Agora1]

AnnaCatCountry, Eating Disorder is not only about weight.. If you base your self-worth on weight and body size, Feeling powerful when you go w/o food or exercise, Hide your eating habits from others or you are terrified about gaining weight, then that is an ED.

Food becomes your focus in life. You fear it, you count calories, you feel guilty when eating and you become obsessed in weighing yourself constantly....

This has become the way you control your life but it's not the answer since you are depressed. I would suggest talking with your doctor who can give you some direction in getting professional counseling with an ED therapist. Food is for sustenance but is meant to be enjoyed. You are young, please don't let another day go by without getting the help you need. We are here to support you through this. Talk to a parent or guardian, someone you trust. You are not alone in this struggle. x

[crazycrossstitcher]

Suggest you talk to someone now - a GP, counsellor - its not all about weight - its about your relationship with food - skipping meals, weighing yourself all the time, calorie counting, hiding food - all symptoms - so do please seek treatment and help - ABC website and helpline might also be useful - don't wait - don't think you will be ignored - please do seek help.

[Youare]

Hi I'm also 16 and I've been in a very similar situation. Your bmi is borderline underweight (19.5). When I was referred to an ED doctor I was also borderline underweight and I also got counciling for my depression. Please please please get help for both your eating disorder and depression if you haven't already, and if you have a councillor tell them about your eating disorder, they may be linked (mine are). Its important you tell someone, a parent or close older relative and go to a doctor about it. It may not seem very serious and sometimes it will feel like its your choice to lose weight but trust me mental illness is not a choice and it needs to be dealt with, especially if it isn't getting any better. I know what its like wanting to be thin and being under pressure from other people our age to be skinny,but stay away from people who encourage you to lose weight because they are extremely stupid and dont deserve your time. You already are borderline underweight so please don't lose anymore weight. My eating disorder has made me anemic so I'm often tired, I get indigestion regularly and I genuinely often feel like crap, and it breaks my heart to think other people my age are going through this hell. I can relate to your problem of having food on my mind constantly but ive found the help from my therapists have pretty much got rid of this problem. Try to only exercise to stay healthy and happy rather than to burn calories, and try not to count calories. Its important you tell a parent as the treatment will require their input. Don't worry, they will support your family through this too, I know from my experiences. I know how hard it is, but you will get better. I wish you the best of luck xx

[Youare in reply to Youare]

Also one thing you will find as you recover is that food will be on your mind less and control you less and you will finally feel a bit more free from it so that's definitely something to look forward to

[AnnaCatCountry in reply to Youare]

Thank you, I once tried to recover, I started to eat whatever I wanted and I was happy. But when I saw that the scale went up I freaked out and started restricting again.

I have days when I binge or even eat a "normal" amount and have this overwhelming amount of guilt.. Thinking I shouldn't of ate that. And get jealous of seeing people just enjoying and eating food like it's no big deal. Wondering if I'll ever be able to do that again.

[Youare in reply to AnnaCatCountry]

I can relate. Maybe try putting the scales away somewhere or messing with the settings so you don't know how much you weigh. I haven't weighed myself in ages since they are broken and it means I'm worrying about my weight a lot less. It seems that you want to recover which is absolutely fantastic, and you will. Its important to try to eat regularly and just as much as you can, don't worry if u physically can't eat that much tho. Also it is natural for your weight to go up and down each day so don't worry about it too much. You will recover, especially with help from a doctor. Get well soon x