Do you think i have anorexia?

[Megancl]

Hi. Okay so im going to start from the beginning.

At first i stopped eating because i wanted to die.

However when i came back to eating nothing tasted nice anymore...

Then i went on holiday and saw how good my sister looked compared to me.

Right then and there all my t-shirts suddenly felt to small for me - clinging onto my stomach and made me look fat.

So after i got back i decided not to eat. Id only live of milkshakes..

However then things changed and i started binging...

Everyone thought i was only drinking milkshakes but i think they caught on.

I was eating everything from frozen food. Dried noodles and raw pizza. I would also eat butter from the pot with sugar.

Baegles. Cakes. Frozen food. Biscuits. Chocolates. Waffles. Peanutbutter from the jar. The lot.

I would go into the kitchen with my shoulder bag and hide them. Then get rid of the rubbish the next day.

Thats when i started buying sweets like mad. If go ouf with a support worker and just buy toms of food then store them all in a bag.

Around easter time i had eaten like ten easter eggs secretly.

Then one of my support workers said "youve gained weight. No offence" also i got told "eat something or you will be diagnosed with an eating disorder that you dont have" i was also told that if i wasnt careful id end up in a mental health place on a tube. (I had no idea what an eating disorder was so it made me look up on youtube and that became a regular thing)

I would eat sweets and then try to purge but failed every time apart from once and it became addictive.

This went on for months but then i moved out. I was determined to stol binging... so at first i was buying pringles and eating them by the tube and drinking lots of otange juice.

Then somehow buying sweets stopped and thats when i was having nothing...

People would try to get me to eat but they couldnt...

This still goes on.

I started drinking water with powdered flavours in for ages. However thays when i got into purging. Id force a whole bottle down and then make myself sick. Id purge 6-12? (Cant actually remember) a day every day and it got addictive.

At first id buy chocolates and purge but it just became my flavoured water.

Then after months of doing it i physically couldnt do it anymore.

I then went onto having a smoothie amd a milkshake on Saturdays - sundays... and would run on the treadmill for half an hour. Then it still didnt feel enough...

Then i stopped that.

However one time i refused to drink so was sent to hospital for five weeks. Then tube fed too. I HATED it!!

Long story short - now i obsessively weigh myself every day and now even do it at 1 in the morning. Sometimes latet sometimes earlier...

I weigh myself more than once every day and am always scared if i gain just a pound.

I havent eaten in months but my parents were making me drink milk. That went on for months and i hated it because i would always gain weight.

I then moved onto orange juice but that didnt last long as i was still gaining weight. My oarents didnt like that i moved onto that anyway.

One week i got up to 7 stone and it crushef me so i stopped talking...

Now i weigh myself every day. Count every single calorie and weigh 5 stone 9. Im 4 foot 9 so im underweight. I love it!

However now im even scared to drink water as it will cause weight gain so i only drink a sip for my medication. Even then i get scared still.

Ive been threatened to be sent back to hospital but i dont want to!

My parents make me drink milky coffee and stuff like that and i feel horrible!!

They say i look like a skeleton but i think they are lying because my bones dont show and im FAT!

My parents really piss me off.

So do you think i have anorexia. Sorry for rambling on!!!

[Megancl]

I purged 12-13 times

[Megancl]

All i can think of is food, drink and calories along with weight. Its hell!!

[crazycrossstitcher]

Take note of your parents - you've clearly got issues around food and body image - and your description of symptoms suggests that you need to get help - which I know you feel you don't want - but you have an illness and this needs treatment - please do see a GP a nurse - or ring ABC - but do talk to someone and seek some advice from professionals. EDs take hold rapidly and distort thinking causing us to feel fine and great when we are slowly killing ourselves - so don't let it carry on and take action - do seek help - call the ABC confidential helpline and chat to them - sharing your thoughts and feelings will perhaps help you sort out what to do next for the best.

[Megancl]

Hi thanks for replying..

How do you seek help when the ed team have said that i dont have one and its just my bpd. Total CRAP!! They havent seen me when im underweight though - like i am...

My dad said that he wont sit down and watch me slowly killing myself.

How can i be killing mystery as im fat.. 😐

I live in the uk so i doubt abc will work as ive never heard of it.

Thanks though!

[Megancl]

My size twelve (kids size) pare of jeans are even to big on me.. im 23...