Still not sure

[Jots1234]

To be honest I'm not even sure I have a real problem, compared to others and posts I've read I eat loads. I tend to only eat low cal healthy stuff unless I binge and then go for bread and cakes and biscuits, feel guilty and purge. But I tend to have around 500 cals which seems loads now having read others posts.

For me it's control, things have got pretty overwhelming lately and out of control and it started as that dreadful twisting panic in the pit of my stomach that stopped me eating and then became a conscious decision in a way I think and now I'm torn between the sensible me that knows this isn't healthy and I should get help to the rebellious unhelpful me that has now become afraid to put any weight on yet the less I eat the less weight I seem to lose. My body image is mixed too, sometimes I can see I've lost a lot of weight but other times I still look fat and flabby and I can't gauge what size I am, wearing everything from an 8-16. I'm pretty confused its fair to say. I'm a real worrier and worry about getting ill and not being there to run the children round etc. petrified of drawing attention to myself, especially negative attention and being seen as unable to cope or just get on with things so I'm living behind this "I'm ok really" mask, scared of the stigma of being seen as having a mental illness, even though I know it's nothing to be ashamed of. I can't explain very well these mixed thoughts in my head or whether anyone can understand. Sorry for posting again, maybe hoping for some clarity x

[TPepper]

I am not an expert btw. Though I think maybe going to the gp is a good start. Even if you are not sure about whether you have an eating disorder. It allows the GP to monitor you.

I understand completely about living behind 'I'm okay really.' I am the sort of person whose always happy and if I told people I knew that I have an ED, some would be like they wold never have imagined it because I appear so happy and sorted with life. It is completely alright to not be okay. And yeah, it is scary to have a label like mental illness, but I like that now, I know what it is. Now, I can be like, okay, this voice is my ED. It is not me. I can separate myself from it. I do get it is hard to admit that you have a problem - it's taken me several years to come to terms with my eating. However, if you look at like this - once you admit you have a problem to a professional, you'll get help (even if it does take long to get a referral). On the other side of the help, eating will no longer be a problem for you.

I also understand this confusion. Feeling like, okay, this is bad, but I am not bad enough compared to others. However, it doesn't mean that you deserve treatment any less. It doesn't mean that your problem is any less important.

Hope this helps.

[crazycrossstitcher]

If you really are only having 500 cals you are definitely starving yourself - and if you are binging and purging this can cause serious health issues. Get to your GP and ask for specialist help - its not about getting attention - you have an illness and like all illnesses they need treatment - if you had a broken arm you wouldn't feel you were seeking attention by getting it plastered - so see the problem as an illness - talk honestly about how you feel and your problems with body image and eating - and push for treatment - please don't leave it - you recognise you have a problem or you wouldn't be here - don't let the ED persuade you your problem is too small - not bad enough - EDs trick you into not wanting treatment - don't let it win. Good luck