I'm new here- Unsure if I have an eating condition...

[Rubie1996]

I feel nervous about speaking about this as I know people have issues worse than me.

I am very scared about gaining weight, I feel I'll look uglier and people will negatively judge me. I have low self esteem and try to eat as little as possible when I can help it, however I have started to eat more when I'm with my friends or boyfriend but try to eat as little as possible at home but enough so that I don't start getting light headed again which happens occasionally when I haven't ate enough.

I'm always freezing cold and shivering, my hands and feet especially and my fingers and toes go white and numb and I have been diagnosed with low iron and folic acid however I am a vegetarian.

I weigh myself a lot of the time and feel devastated if I see an increase and weight is on my mind a lot of the time everyday. I have no scales anymore but weigh myself at BOOTS and the last time I did so I weighed 5 stone 13 lbs, I am 20 and 4 foot 11.3 inches with a BMI of approximately 16.7

I already have anxiety and depression but unsure if what I'm experiencing is an eating disorder too. I am going to a doctors appointment for a blood test next Thursday even though I keep cancelling the appoints, I don't want to waste their time.

[jfk71]

Hey...your problems are your problems and they have their effect on you...don't belittle your own experiences and difficulties, and measure them against any other persons. We are all unique and each of us responds to things differently. So what may seem a slight problem to you may seem huge to someone else... Similarly what may seem huge to you and have a massive impact on your may not necessariky seem so troublesome to another person. So if its affecting you enough to cause you emotional and physical distress then its a problem that you need help and support with. It certainly sounds like you are suffering with an eating disorder and its not just about what size or weight we are. There are huge bundle of other issues that have triggered our disorders as am sure almost all of us will agree. Sweetheart you are not wasting your GPS time. You deserve some compassion and time to talk with a professional about your feelings and fears. Please don't cancel again. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself some help and support. Get those bloods done yeah. Sounds like you really need to and should do ...hugs xx

[Rubie1996 in reply to jfk71]

Thank you very much for your reply Thank you, I'm going to try to stop comparing my situation to others and putting myself down. It hit home yesterday because I was in a university lecture about eating disorders and they said about bmi's being 17 or under (although I know ED's aren't just about low BMI's) but I went the doctors with a 16 previously and she wasn't concerned Thank you, I'll definitely go on Thursday, not sure what they are looking for in the blood test , hugs Xx

[Agora1]

Hi Rubie1996, It does sound like your low self esteem is feeding into your eating disorder. The fact that you experience light headedness is because your body is starving. It needs fuel in order to function properly. Please keep your doctor's appointment next Thursday. You are not wasting their time. Rather, you are saving yourself from further harm.

Good Luck dear. Keep us updated.

[Rubie1996 in reply to Agora1]

Hello Agora1,

Thank you very much for your reply Ahh okay thank you I was always worried about why I was getting so light headed, it scared me because work had to send me home every time it happened, I didn't understand what was happening. It was confusing because in my mind I still think for most of the time that I'm fine and eating enough , but the way the lightheartedness happens and other people noting my weightless makes me think otherwise. Someone close to me worries I'm in denial...

Thank you very much again and I'll keep you updated on my blood test.

[Natz51211]

It sounds as though you definitely have an eating disorder and please don't belittle what you're going through, it's experienced by so many people and it's devastating. I'm hoping you kept your appointments because unfortunately you need to seek help. Please keep us updated! We are here for you for whatever happens.

[Rubie1996 in reply to Natz51211]

Hello Natz,

Thankyou for your reply 😊 thankyou I'm trying to work on not belittling how I'm feeling, think I turned a cornor this week with it by opening up to someone at uni whose been very supportive and went for my blood test at the hospital today, very nervous about the results because I feel nothing will show up as being wrong and that I won't be believed as having an issue by the doctors however I supposed I may still be in denial a little.. Thankyou very much for the support its much appreciated😊

[Natz51211 in reply to Rubie1996]

I'm really, really glad to hear about the progress you're making! Every little step you take makes such a great impact, just remember that <3! I'm very happy to hear that you were able to open up to someone, especially when that can be such a tough thing in situations like these. I hope the blood test comes back with the results you want and the doctors will have to take you seriously because you need professional help and they can't just turn you away! It's fine, update us with how things go

[Rubie1996]

Thank you very much yes, I find it quite hard to open to people about how I'm feeling and for some reason sometimes get defensive and don't want to talk about it when people try and help, but I'm starting to speak to people about things more now and accept when people care and try to help me. And thanks, I really hope they listen to me this time, I went and spoke to a nurse about depression and anxiety and tried to speak about the eating and she did my bmi and it said 16 and she said there was no cause for concern so my confidence was knocked that my issues didn't seem to matter. very unsure on what will happen next now after I've got my blood test results, unsure who or how I will be diagnosed if they decide to diagnose me with anything... and thanks, I shall keep you updated

[Natz51211 in reply to Rubie1996]

I get exactly what you mean but I'm glad you're beginning to work past that now. You just have to remember that people who care for you only have the best intentions :). Wow that nurse sounds absolutely rubbish, I can't believe she just ignored everything you said and dismissed it like it was no big deal, that is simply unacceptable! I hope you're with good doctors now who will actually DO something! Okay, looking forward to your next update!

[Rubie1996 in reply to Natz51211]

Hi, just wanted to say I recovered from anorexia 😊 thank you to everyone for your advice and support, I appreciated it so much. Best wishes

[Rubie1996]

Hello I recideved my blood test results and have been told to make a non-urgent appoint with a doctor to discuss them. The receptionist told me that basically my iron was low and my electrolytes were fine but that they wanted to speak to me about vitamin D and bone marrow density (I think thats what they said,) can bone marrow be detected by a blood test? :S So I'm booked into speak to someone on Monday, hopefully they will listen to my concerns and shed some light on the situation

[Rubie1996]

I've been referred to the eating disorders clinic as apparently my blood tests show low iron, and very low vitamin D deficiency which is affecting my bones and I've lost more weight according to the doctor. Quite worried and confused but glad they are taking me seriously

Hope you are all doing well,

best wishes x