Generous to a Fault #coping #rumination# almost there

[MYNN]

It’s not your fault; taking me for granted

Giving more than I received became an expectation

I should have told you exactly what I wanted

I should have asked you to make a better effort

But I was afraid

My self-respect was always lacking

It was imbedded in my brain

That I was jaded and flawed

That I should be grateful for the opportunity of love

It all lead to overcompensation

Instead of asking you to pull you weight

I think I conformed to a lowered expectation

It’s not your fault you didn’t give enough

I guess I never gave you the chance to offer

I forgive you for underestimating my value

I overestimated your value too

It’s not your fault I thought you were worth more

And I was worth less

I was your teacher in that respect

How did I expect to be involved in your life?

When you weren’t interested in mine since the beginning

How did I expect for you to understand my point of view?

When you stopped making an effort to even get to know me

You treated other people better than you treated me

You listened and considered your friends and family,

even your colleagues took priority

You stopped seeking my advice

You only texted when you were bored

or wanted something

I forgive you, it’s not your fault I became used to getting nothing

It’s not your fault I’m on the borderline

not far away, but not quite up to your standard

I should have clearly expressed that disappointments wouldn’t do

Instead of thinking that my worth was earned from giving

In essence, it’s not your fault that I attract what I think that I deserve

[marheart]

Right on! Describes me.

Aging changes all of us. Ill health changes us even more. Still stuck in the people pleasing grove, searching for ways to take care of myself more than for others.

Striving to find what I want. The past is done and over. Can't go back there. So far that's where I want to be, not here with the anxiety and the therapy that drives my life.

[BonnieSue Dream Team]

Good writing, MYNN! Do you enjoy writing? Did you write this? If you're interested in meeting a few other writers from this site, let me know. We might enjoy meeting, sharing our thoughts. I know just what you mean by writing this poem. Well said. I like it! 😉

I hope you have a great day!

[MYNN in reply to BonnieSue]

First of all, thank you. You have made my day. I do enjoy writing especially when I'm trying to cope with issues I don't feel comfortable sharing with my loved ones. Regarding meeting up, seriously? That would be awesome! However, I don't know how feasible that would be, I live in Arizona. Or did you have a different kind of meeting in mind?

Regardless thank you for the invitation, and my answer is yes, yes, yes

Have a lovely day!

[BonnieSue Dream Team in reply to MYNN]

Wonderful! I'll pm you with more details.