Learning how to support my mom

[tishsara]

I am new here and I hope I am not out of line for joining. I am not the one with cancer but my mom is. She was just diagnosed with Stage 4 Ovarian cancer. I live in a different state than her and she has no support where she lives. I went in town to take her to a doctors appointment because she developed a watermelon sized mass on her abdomen within 2 weeks along with other telling symptoms. The doctor didn't seem to take my mom seriously so we left the appointment and went straight to the ER. She still has not left the hospital. Within 2 days we had a diagnoses of cancer and after her surgery got the staging of stage 4. I am at a loss. How am I supposed to help her from a different state? I am a single mom with a career in Texas and a mom that needs me in Florida. Any guidance from people who have had similar experiences is greatly welcome and appreciated.

[Hidden]

Tishsara,

You are in the right place. All the women here have/have had Ovarian Cancer and there are a number of people who are husbands/partners, daughters, sons and friends of the women. We will do our best to answer your questions, point you in the right direction and/or provide emotional support. I would note that the majority of women herein live in Britain, Scotland and Ireland. If you are looking for a similar US based site, perhaps Inspire.com or Livestrong - which provides support (physical as well as emotional) for people with Cancer. The American Cancer Society can also be helpful if you require services for your Mom.

That said, I am sure it is dreadfully discomforting to be away from your Mom at this time. If she does not have good support in FL - the treatments, follow-up visits, ancillary appointments, etc. can be hard to manage. She will also need help around the house as chemo (if she is taking it) can make one weary and unable to do many "day to day" things.

Certainly the Oncology group she is working through can offer support services - perhaps assigning a Social Worker who can help manage all the things she'll need would be helpful. If that is not available, local support groups can help as can ride-share services to get her to and from appointments, home health care workers can provide home visits to ensure she is getting her nutrition and taking her meds properly and so on. Do ask the Dr. (in person if you can be there or via phone if you cannot) to suggest whatever help is necessary.

While you can't be there in person you can Facetime or Skype so that you can at least "lay eyes" on her every day and see how she is doing. I am sure others who are in a similar position will be online soon to offer other thoughts/suggestions. The women here are amazing and helpful and resourceful and they are empathetic to your challenge.

Wishing you well and wishing your Mom a quick recovery from her surgery. Do keep us posted.

[tishsara in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much for your response . I will check out all of the websites you mention and look to find her assigned case worker at the hospital. I know we are just starting this journey and have a long road ahead of us. Support from a community like this seems so critically important.

[JanCan15]

I’m so sorry your mom has cancer! I had ovarian cancer a few years ago. I relied heavily on my church friends and husband for support. The rest of my family lives in another state. My mom and sisters flew out a few times. One to help me pick out a wig. And another during chemo. I hope you can find her some help during this time!

[Lizchips]

Texas has some very great cancer hospitals. I had a huge mass and had to do tons of chemo. Your probably after she's out of surgery your going to need to move her into your house. Cancer centers of America can probably give her help with transport to appts. Ovarian cancer only goes to stage 4. She's going to need help see what kind of help and insurance she has. Medicare etc. People with stage 4 in the US can live for years. You need to see if possible if she's willing to come to you. There's a lot of transport companies. That the hospital near her can arrange. She needs to find a doc that believes she can survive. My friend was diagnosed stage 4 two yrs ago originally only. Given 6 months. Your mom can talk to the social worker at the hospital explain she's alone they will help her. Best wishes Liz

[Iyana271]

After reading your post I'm just feeling sad and sorry for you! It's really a hard time when you've to see your loved one in pain and when you want to do something for them but you can't because of so many reasons.

But, I just want to know is there any chance that you can take her with you to Texas, by this not only you can see after your mom but you can also be at ease without worrying too much about your mom as she will always be in front of you.

At this time mental support is very important for your mom and I'll suggest you to be brave to support your mother mentally and physically as much as you can.

[tishsara]

Thank you all for being so open with your replies. It seems like every day she has a minor setback which inevitably lengthens her time in the hospital. My goal is to move her here once she is stable enough to travel. I think my anxiety of her situation will not help her heal. I think her being with me and her grand children will be the push she needs to fight this.

[Iyana271 in reply to tishsara]

I hope she'll be stable soon and hope you'll fight with your anxiety as well! I wish you good luck for future to fight with each and every situation.

[Ammato2]

I just read your story and I'm wondering how your mother and you are doing?? I was diagnosed first in 2011 and had my first and last reoccurrence in early 2019. I tried multiple different treatments but my body couldn't handle any of it. I was released from my last hospital stay the beginning of 2020 with 2 weeks to 2 months to live. I'm still here. On hospice but still here to see my kids and grandbabies 😁😁 I feel it growing every day but for now I'm just trying to enjoy my visits. My children and grandbabies live really close and it's wonderful! That is my reason for my inquiry. I hope you and your mother are doing well and living close, as you can, to each other.

Thank you,

Sharleen

[tishsara in reply to Ammato2]

Hi Sharleen. Unfortunately the disease was too strong. My mom was diagnosed January 28th and died April 28th. She was gone way too soon amd because of Covid travel restrictions I was unable to be there with her in the end. I am so glad you have your family there with you. I am sure that offers you and them a great comfort. Stay well!!

[Ammato2]

I'm so sorry!! Thank you so much for the well wishes and thank you for the update. Have a wonderful holiday!!

Sharleen