I have been under a lot of stress at work lately . Our work load has doubled and my patients is dwindling daily . I am so tired all the time and unhappy at my job most of the time . I used to love coming to work but not anymore . I don't know if I'm going thru a little crises or if it is time to go and stay home . I love the idea of being home but I'm worried that i will get lazy and bored . When did you guys know it was time to go ? I will talk to my ONC on Thursday to see what his opinion is
I know stress is bad for us and i can tell that my body is telling me to slow down but my mind is not on same page . I work in a doctors office fulltime .
My Mother in Germany is not doing well and i know i will have to go home soon to see her . Do you guys think its save to travel out of country ? It is a real big decision and i am lost .
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Anitafazz
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Hi Anitafazz....
Two big, great questions...
The easier one first, I would say that it's safe to fly, assuming you've gotten both vaccines and take precautions (mask, etc.). I'll mention that you might want to bring and N95 mask...I've been *appalled* by how some passengers wear their masks under their noses or not at all! And on one recent flight, the attendant saw and didn't say anything!
Re: working, that's obviously a very individual decision but my doc urged me to stop working when I was dx'd metastatic, saying "THIS is your job now...". I have not regretted it for a second, nor have I been bored. I'm finally getting to some projects and other interests and am able to rest when I'm tired, set my own schedule, etc. Perhaps most importantly, my *relationships* with friends, family, etc. have gotten so much better now that I have time to answer the phone, respond to an email, etc. I was pretty much "out of pocket" for three decades... :(.
I found work to be exciting and gratifying, but also extremely stressful at times...Stopping has felt great and has made me resent the dx less, i.e. I'm able to live the retired life that I had looked forward to..
Thank you for your responds. It is interesting you said retiring made you resent your dx less since I have been trying to be as normal as possible with not changing my daily routine like staying at work full time . That I will be Thinking to much is one of my worries but maybe it will be the total opposite and getting rid of all that stress will make me look at life more positive
Anitafazz...You bring up an excellent point! I would not be surprised if you *do* feel better if you stop working! I hadn't thought about it, but I am certain I would have resented my job and related obligations had I continued. Something about making the *best* (define "best" as you will...) use of my remaining time on this planet!
@Anitafazz and @LynnFish Thank you!! Anita for the question and Lynn for the answer. I am battling stage 4 mbc, I am on my second treatment change of iv chemo and I drive to work and think about this very thing EVERYDAY.
I agree, we don't know what our remaining time on this planet will be, (No one does, Chemo or no Chemo) only God knows. (What makes perfect sense is, if we Can stop the stress for what we have left, why not do so).
I would like to tell you tell you ladies about my stories. I am a mother of 3. When I got diagnosed 3 yrs ago, Drs. (2 to be exact) said you have 3 to 6 months to live you will pass. I left there with my daughter who is now studying to be an MRI tech. She found another Dr got another opinion. I started taking the meds we all start on till they start to fail. I have since the very first day, Begged for more time so that I can see my son graduate from High School. I am a widow, and I can tell you the fear of leaving him drove me harder than anyone could imagine! I have worked everyday, through every treatment. I knew he had lost a lot already and so had my girls. Not having their dad, and losing me would hurt him most of all. My girls are older and it would be hard but I their dad and I have been here for them. My son was a year old when he passed and I am all he's had, he wouldn't be able to focus on what he had to do in school.
(Well, I am happy and proud to say, he graduated with honors and got a scholarship)! Proud mama!! 🥰 His ceremony was in the Pink Nation Stadium, this the Biggest Pink Breast Cancer Ribbon I have ever set my eyes on!! Ladies, I stood there with my mom, watched my son graduate!! Held it all in, and then broke down, where he couldn't see me. God gave me that!! He showed me, Yes, this Huge Ribbon, represents what you are Fighting!! BUT I AM BIGGER!! I have walked everyday since then lighter, less heavy, accomplished if I dare say. Now, I ask for more time to meet my grand daughter. My oldest is making me a grandma.
On Saturday I will get another iv of chemo, I pray my markers show it's working and I will keep pushing through. If this chemo isn't working then off to the what's next.
I pray for more mercy, would love to be able to stay on this treatment and fly to see my first born, give me my first grand baby. (Wouldn't that be another Miracle for me).
Please pray with me 🙏🙏🙏🙏
I pray you ladies, and All the ladies on this site and those that are not, That God grant them healing, that this dreadful disease ceases to exist. More time, to love, to be loved, to enjoy the blessing of a beautiful life here on earth. May God bless and protect each and everyone of you. 💗🎀
What a truly wonderful story. You are amazing and it just proves what we can achieve.My Son has just turned 15 and I am living this life to see him into adulthood. Your reply gives me so much more confidence that I can do this.
Yes, you can! You have to believe it! Fight against the negative thoughts, think of what it will be like when he becomes and adult, see him achieve great things, see him get married and have children of his own, See yourself there! That's what I did, I would see my son graduate with honors, (he was the first to accomplish that). I saw it !!I teach my children it's ok to be sad and be tired, I tell them you can stop and you rest and you recover, and you get back up and enjoy what you can, Everyday.
No matter who you are or what you are going through. I see it everyday, I see people, men and women tell me they are tired, or they don't feel well. When they come to me,(I guess they see a woman that has seen and gone to through so much, pushes on Wig and all)! I tell them, maybe later today you will feel better, if not rest, Tomorrow will be better.
I am here, write me anytime. I pray for you Clare and your son. You will see him grow
You have inspired me. I will picture his future achievements and picture myself there too. I haven’t really allowed myself to think of the future - until now that is. You have changed my perspective completely.Thank you so much for your lovely words and advice.
I also teach my Son the importance of acknowledging your feelings, including tiredness. We, as a family believe in living our lives as normally as possible right now - warts and all.
What a great story . I really appreciate your story and you inspire me not to complain so much . We are all trying to make the best of our situation but sometimes i need a hug or talk to you guys and it always makes me feel better !!
It makes me feel better too, such great people on this site! Please say a little prayer for me, I have treatment, markers and scans coming up. Dr says they maybe off due to Covid vaccine.
Any chance you could work part time and not lose your benefits. Our diagnosis usually means an automatic disability with the federal government. But I don’t know what your financial situation is. It’s a lot to think about. I was an adjunct university instructor when I was diagnosed stage four de novo. I went on medical leave at first, but never regained enough energy to go back. I was close to Medicare age, anyway so I applied for disability and had to wait a few months before I received any payments, but Medicare parts A and B kicked in immediately. Good luck to you. It’s a tough decision. But I will say I never been bored. Too happy to still be alive. I don’t know anything about to travel to Germany, and so sorry your mom is ill. You might find a great deal of comfort in one another. ❤️
I don’t have to worry about health benefits since I’m on Medicaid for the last 6 month and part time will not be a option in my office . I am planning to start STD and apply for disability with the government. I have been with my job for 16 years so I don’t see any problems . My mind is my enemy. Don’t want to rush into it driving by emotions . But situations like my moms health kind of tells me that everything happened for a reason and it’s a sign to slow down .
Your last line struck me...."everything happens for a reason"...I almost forget that now, but after I was dx'd, stopped working, etc. ,it seemed like one big thing after another that was *so much better* because I wasn't working or, in some cases, good things actually happened *because* I was dx'd. Big silver linings...
You have a bit of a dilemma for sure. Sounds like you are ready to leave your job. You will probably be busy once you leave but you can always make plans to do nice new things with your time. So happy for you that you got to see your son graduate and now a grandchild. Lovely.
I don’t think so. It seems to me that parts A and B were pretty immediate after disability was applied for. That means you still have to get a part D for yourself for prescription drugs. It could have changed since I went through it, but five years ago that’s the way it worked. Good luck!
I’m sorry that you’re so stressed. It is so understandable.
Are you working in the US? If so, I can recommend several options for you.
I’m a retired attorney who focused on employment law. I used to frequently help clients in your situation. The goal is to navigate a good resolution by leveraging existing policies and regulations.
Among your options — assuming you live in the US — are (1) asking for reasonable accommodations under the ADA, (2) taking protected time off under the FMLA, and (3) negotiation of a mutually acceptable and graceful exit strategy.
FYI, LTD is provided by your employer’s third party insurer, not your employer. MBC typically qualifies. But perhaps you want to work a flex schedule which is an option some times under ADA. In other words, you have options to remain, if you prefer that, but with more accommodations to your condition.
Feel free to PM me.
I often advised clients not to “jump the gun.” You might have more options than you realize.
This may sound complicated to you. I assure you it’s not if you know which levers to pull.
Personally, I’ve not looked back since I retired in late 2019. I found my work gratifying bur time consuming and emotionally demanding. I applied for and received accelerated SSDI under the Compassionate Cate Allowance program with no discount on SSDI due to MBC.
I am from Pittsburgh and been with my employer for 16 years which is a big healthcare provider in PA . I was going to go on STD ( I have Aflac ) to make up difference and apply for SSID . Was going to stay on STD while on my 5 month wait if that’s possible .
That is exactly what I did. I went on my short term and I start state SSI - disability next month. It’s not a lot of pay, but I also have a little 401 k yet. I have been out of work since my back surgery to remove my tumors and vertebrae in January of this year. It is a 5 month wait, I live in the US. And yes!!! It was so worth me not working. I love “retirement “ and get to enjoy the rest of my life with little stress and more time to focus on me and not a job.
How did you handle the gap in insurance STD varies per company and some companies don’t offer. How long for SSDKicked in? Are you receiving Medicare after this?
To be eligible for FMLA, your employer must have at least 50 employees within a 75 mile radius. You must have worked at least 1250 hours the previous year.
You have 12 weeks of FMLA. You can use it in one big chunk, smaller chunks like 2 weeks, or intermittently like taking 1 day a week off.
If eligible, you can use FMLA but — and this is important — you should tie your request in with your medical condition. You can’t get FMLA for research about retirement. Be sure to avoid mentioning it so there’s no confusion.
FMLA is a federal law. It does not include paid leave. An employer can require an employee to use up her paid leave for the requested time off. After the employee exhausts her paid leave, the remainder of FMLA is unpaid.
Some states — like my own Massachusetts— have a mini FMLA which provides some paid leave.
I have 2 close friends, both with chronic conditions, in the same profession as me.They both pushed themselves to the limit staying at work for as long as they could, until they both gave in to ill health retirement.
Neither of them regret it or have looked back since. In fact they keep pestering me to do it. They are loving life and don’t get bored at all. I can’t say much about the mental aspect as they have mental fatigue from their conditions, but one of them runs a business from home so she must be doing ok.
Anita fax- sorry that work is stressful and overwhelming now. In an odd set of circumstances I Retired early right before my diagnosis with MBC. I’ve considered myself very fortunate to not have to go to work while adjusting to the meds, diagnosis and all other changes with MBC.
Getting financial piece taken care of so you can rest easy will give you the peace of mind you seek.
Sending you a hug- and best wishes. You will find peace in retirement!
When I was on Ibrance I lived in Germany with my husband for 3 1/2 months and travelled all over the Europe! The only complication was getting regular blood draws, but my local hospital helped me with that….I think you should go! I also think you should retire, which I had to do to join my husband….but I’ve never regretted it! This was 2019.
This is such a tough question . I owned my own business for 25 years and worked a lot of hours . Before my own business I worked full time . I have actually never been at home for longer than 3 months ( maternity leave ) many years ago . I miss working …. Yet I know I could never keep up the hours and pace that I was doing . For 2.5 years since retirement I have been thinking I need to get a part time job . What do you want to do with your time ? Will you have enough to do ? Do you have people to do it with ? Or do you enjoy being alone ? Will you have the financial means to do what you want when not working ?
Just went to a covid delayed retirement party and met up with a few retired folk from our firm. They are loving the ability to spend time doing what they love with who they love. If finances are not an issue, go for it!
It sounds like you already know that it is time to slow down.
Healing takes place more easily when we are relaxed an happy. And you probably really need to go and visit with your mom. It will make her happy and it will make you feel peaceful too. It is hard to relax when we have things bothering us. Many people in the world have had at least one dose of the vaccine so I think it is safe to travel. And going to visit your mom is probably safe. However you might have to quarantine in Germany for a few weeks.
But I think the airlines are trying hard to make it very safe for people to fly. But it is good to ask your doctor if you are well enough to travel. He/she will likely say it is good for you to do as many things as you are capable of.
Being happy and contented is definitely one way to begin your path to healing. Always believe that you are healing and that you will recover. I truly believe that. It is just so much easier on your emotions to believe in a recovery. I tell myself that I am healing every day. I believe it helps the brain release things into my body that are helpful. Maybe I am just a nut case but at least I do feel good and I remain happy.
Thank you for your kind words . You are far from a nut case and if i can one day think like you then i would love to be nut case . My problem is on how to get the ball rolling . Went to my Onc today and he told me to fax papers over but i feel horrible about it in a way and don't want to be rejected .So much on my mind and everybody here is helping me so much but I'm frustrated always worrying about what people think of me .
Im tired and just want to enjoy my life without stressing everyday
Maybe retiring from your current employment & taking a year off to spend time with your mom would be a good balance . Re evaluate after the year and if you are bored and feeling well then look for a part time job . You need to take care of you , reducing stress is key .
Hello! I was diagnosed 7 years ago, 2 years shy of 65. I was teaching high school & was so tired. Remembering a story my principal told me about an educator who died at a high school graduation gave me the courage to retire. No regrets. I decided to take care of self.
Don't think about being bored. You will find other activities/hobbies to keep you busy. Go at your own pace, nap when you need. For a time I had 4 fish tanks. Watching them was so relaxing. Then I decided to have a garden on my balcony in summer & nurse my house plants. I also did water aerobics until the chemicals in the center caused several bouts of bronchitis.
Finally Covid hit & I had to stay inside. I found a novel I had started 25 years ago on my computer. That became my new distraction. I finished the novel & it is now published on Amazon.
If you want to keep working, do so. If you decide to retire, do so with no guilt. People kept asking me what job I would look for -they didn't know if my diagnosis. I would reply, "I'm retired. I'm going to relax, enjoy myself, take a cruise, or just spend time with myself." 30+ years working was enough. No regrets.
I have one more tidbit to share. I went to a very well known hospital for a 2nd opinion with all my biopsy results, bone marrow & bone biopsy results & labs. To my question about prognosis, the female doctor said I had 1 year. You see, I am a stage 4 breast cancer survivor from a 2cm breast tumor that spread to my ribs(multiple fractures), spine & pelvis.
After her statement I promptly contacted the Cancer Treatment Centers of America (CTCA). My radiologist there said there is no expiration date stamped on me. He was livid when I shared the other docs callous statement.
I put myself in God's hands (after a brief cry). I had 2 grands at the time, & now have a 3rd! I refuse to stress or worry. That only feeds the illness. So far, my pastor says I'm a miracle. I suppose so. But I asked for an expected a miracle.
I'm sorry to hear your mum is not doing so well. It's so much harder when our loved ones are in another country, I'm in the same situation. (I also hope none of your family are affected by these terrible floods happening right now)
I still work and generally I enjoy it but I've recently cut my hours a bit because I was feeling overwhelmed. I just need some time to chill a bit, mentally. You say your body is telling you to slow down a bit so you need to listen and react to that wise inner wisdom 😊 Don't ket your mind speak for you because it is trying to rationalize for you against your inner wisdom! There are so many things you could do - I say go for it! If you happen to get really bored I'm sure you could find some very worthwhile local charity, etc to become involved in, but where you could control how much you do.
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