I hope I dont sound crazy but I have got to find out if it's me or the meds that are making me feel like I am going off the deep end. My marriage is in shambles and I am crying alot, screaming angry at my husband constantly paranoid that he is cheating on me. I just dont know what is going on with me. I am on Letrozole, 75mg ibrance, xgeva shots along with pain meds and other supplements. My scans are coming up on the 28th and I am anxious about that. I feel like everything is a mess and so hard and I dont know which way to turn. I am a woman of prayer and I believe I just dont know how to deal with everything. CAN SOMEONE HELP ME WITH ADVICE OR ENCOURAGEMENT. š„
Michelle
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Dearest Michelle - You are not alone. We are here for you.
The meds we are on disrupt out hormones. Just like mood swings when we were teenagers or women in menopause.
Run, do not walk, to the phone and tell your doctor about your level of distress. You should not suffer all weekend, waiting for Monday to speak with your doctor.
Yes, prayer is important. Please remember that faith and compassion inspired science and doctors to help ease our pain.
Please, keep us posted.
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During my first recurrence, I felt overwhelmed too. I pushed until they figured out a mood leveler that eased that high anxiety. Do not be a Viking. Get help. It is available
Thank you for taking this step. Some times, we need a ābooster.ā It sounds like your current med is for depression but perhaps you need a complementary anti-anxiety med too.
It can take some time for the right ācocktailā to be identified and to work. In the meantime, please keep my calm advice in mind when all that āmonkey chatterā is overwhelming you. Let your doctors help.
Yes maam! (As an ole southern girl like me would say)
Oh Michelle, no one can or will blame you for how you feel. Most of us feel the same. Having cancer, side effects of our meds, the uncertainties of our life span WILL run havoc on our emotions which at times are hard to control. It is a lonely disease only we here understand and can identify with.The anger at all of this is real. However, I realized that anger directed at my loved ones affected my immune system, which in turn affects my longevity. Longevity is my goal!! So I am controlling my emotions and anger. My family loves me and that really is all they can do. I love them back and the rest is between me, my oncologist, my support groups and God.
When I feel my emotions get out of control l will take a 1/4 or 1/2 a Lorazepam. Thankfully I don't need it often, but they certainly help.
Thank you! Longevity is my goal also. I just cant take the verbal abuse and emotional abuse from my loved one anymore. It's a hard place to be especially with this disease. Hard decisions to make. It can push you to your limit.
No, verbal abuse you should not have to tolerate. Of course that will push your limit. Reach out for help anywhere you can and consider your options. Your first consideration should be your own well being. I understand your difficulties and pray for courage and perseverance for a solution, so you can live a more peaceful life.
Yes I agree! No matter how hurt I may feel I have to take care of myself so I can live. I have a huge family that loves me so why should one person get to dictate my life.
Emotional abuse is abuse. Please get this checked out. More professional guidance and advocacy is needed to figure out what is going on... and how to emotionally protect yourself during this time.
Thank you for posting and keeping us posted. When seeking safety it is best to keep your cards close at hand , Get professional help for a counselor aware of emotional domestic abuse. Things can escalate quickly so counseling is important. You are in heart and mind..
Hi Michelle. My mother has MBC and since Iāve learned about her diagnosis I was having extremely bad panic attacks, anxiety and depression. It was to the point that I couldnāt control my emotions in front of anyone. Crying, screaming. How long have you been on antidepressants?My psychiatrist prescribed me Escitalopram (Lexapro ). First 3 weeks were terrible my fears doubled. It started to work almost after 6 weeks. I feel much much better right now. Now Iām able to listen to her doctor and now I understand that there are a lot of treatment options and as her oncologist said there are a lot of researches right now and they will find out more and more different types of treatments for MBC. Friend of mine studies cancer genetics and she said pretty soon they will create vaccine for breast cancer and it will help MBC patients as well.Just keep taking your antidepressants and it will work. Everything is gonna be fine and your scan is gonna be fineā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø
I am glad to hear you smartly pursued help for yourself. All of this is overwhelming and can mess with our heads. Your love and compassion for your mother is wonderful.
But it is important to do self care too. This way you can continue to be supportive without damaging your own health.
It is awful to be caught in the hurricane of severe emotional distress. These meds play havoc with us, dosages might need to be adjusted. Lexipro might need to be increased and donāt be of Ativan. I take 10 mgm lexapro and five miligrams of Ativan every 8 hours. It stabilizes me.Use the lower anxiety to try to participate more peacefully with your god. And know you are not alone.
Are you sure you take 5 ml of Ativan every 8 hours? Thatās a lot..no judgement here.. I take 2 3 times a day and my docs donāt like it...also Zoloft, but may switch to lexapro.. be well.
Iām so sorry to hear how hard it is for you. I donāt know your history. I just started on this site. But first of all you can do this. My breast cancer came back in 2011 in my back. I had radiation and took Letrezole ( femara) and Zometa. I had also been in an abusive marriage I always knew I had depression but it took me awhile to find the right doctor to diagnose and prescribe meds. I was diagnosed with severe depression, mild bipolar and PTSD. The Milligrams have changed periodically but I currently take Zoloft (sertraline) 200 mg daily and Lamictal (lamotrigine) 250mg . It has made my life so much better.2 years after my MBC diagnosis I found the courage to leave. I made a plan I did it. Iāve never looked back. As for the cancer. In 2018 I was told it had spread again to my sacrum. My treatment changed to Ibrance 125 , faslodex injections and Zometa. In 2020 they told me it was a mistake that it didnāt spread to my sacrum. They found a hairline fracture in the sacrum confirmed by orthopedic So now Iām angry and ecstatic at the same time. Then I get Covid November 2020. Scared doesnāt begin to describe how I felt but thank God I recovered without hospitalization. My depression still has a hold on me some days but I take my dog for a walk or call my sister or daughter and just talk about anything positive. Iām here, Iām doing pretty well considering. Please find a therapist (Iāve seen mine since 2011) and a good psychiatrist who will spend time asking lots of questions to determine your diagnosis. Please try to be patient. Get on meds, then make a plan for your future your therapist should help with that. Sorry you are having a hard time I hope I helped ā¤ļø
Hi MichelleYou need extra support and help at this point in your life not abuse of any sort , no one deserves that at any point in their life.
Life is different with MBC but maybe in some ways your life can improve by getting that help and be good , even better if you were having to tolerate abuse over a long period.
Itās time to focus on you and I know itās hard but a day at a time reaching out to those who can and will support you , including professional help and the family and friends you truly trust will make such a difference. Try not to be scared of change and the unfamiliar it will become the norm again at some point.
Sending prayers and hugs to you.
Debra xxx
Hi MichelleAll the advise above is great so I am just here to say we are with you. You can do this and once you start coming out of the other side emotionally yo7 will feel so much better.
When you call into your oncologist ask if they have a palliative care program. They not only do end of life care but work to make your daily life fulfilling for you. They have probably seen your scenario and have good ideas about how to make it better. A psychiatrist who works with cancer patients might be on their list of consultants. They have been really helpful to me about small thingsā¦constipation, for one. I have asked then that about end of life options and while I am not ready to go there yet, they were very willing to tell me what they do in the process and how it works ( I live in Oregon, where death with dignity is available). They could possibly be very helpful to you, especially with safety issues.
I will be thinking of you. Please reach out for more help.
Has your spouse always been so critical, or is this a recent development? Was he supportive in the past? Could it be that you are both suffering from a combination of Cancer and COVID isolation burnout? If so, would he be willing to go to a marriage counselor?
Maybe you need to take time out. Have a break from each other and try and recoup positive thoughts. Frustration steps in when it comes to our partners and also they have been hit hard by our diagnosis to. They feel helpless as they canāt do anything to help. Not being able to cope is not a man thing to some (not all) unfortunately. I hope you find a solution along the way and as the lovely ladies have advised we are here to support each other.
Itās all new and hard to adjust to all the meds etc. You are not going crazy. Perhaps try meditation which is what I do. Headspace is a great online app for meditation. All the drugs and supplements have a toll on our bodies but we can handle this because we are survivors. As far as your husband it is an adjustment for him as well. Perhaps couple or single therapy would be good for that. Have faith in the Lord He will not give you more than you can handle.
I am so glad for all the replies. Sometimes I try to give advice from trying to to help. For you, I want you to know that as others say here, you are not alone! We are here, the meds do disrupt things. Continue to pray dear warrior, I do every day; like you I have faith. I encourage you to let your doctor know, how you are feeling. We are here and listening, sending hugs.
Michelle, If you feel comfortable doing this, my suggestion is to let your husband read your post and all of the answers. This may be something that the two of you can workout, if you both discuss how you each feel. Cancer is scary and frustrating for both parties. It puts stress on relationships and then both feel like the victim. My hopes are that you both still love each other and can reach towards each other, rather than away. Only do this if you feel comfortable doing it. Sending you lots of hugs and good wishes. Blessings, Hannah
So sorry to read the anguish in your post. Iām sure this disease wreaks havoc on family members, too, who are often filled with such anxiety over the diagnosis and the treatment protocols. Suddenly, everyone has had their lives upended.
Please know that you have a caring community here! Vent all you want here and just keep looking forward. Accept that some days will be more manageable than others. And whenever possible, TAKE NAPS! Rest fuels the soul. God bless you! šš»šš»šš
Hi Michelle. I am taking Letrozole, Ibrance 75 mg and Xgeva shots every three months. My next scan is June 29. So in that way, we are very similar. I don't know how old you are and your general health, other than this blasted MBC. Are you still working? How is your husband treating you, supporting you? With this disease, we have ups and downs and understandably we feel vulnerable and afraid. Do you have other support system? Try to socialize more with supporting people. And do walks in nature. I do that and it sure helps. I walk and sometimes I listen to some of my favorite music. Although it is nice to listen to birds, to the wind in the leaves, etc. Try to do things that please you. And don't despair. There are always new treatments.
I would suggest calling your onc. The meds mess up our hormones and dealing with this disease is so unsettling. Your doctor could prescribed maybe an anti anxiety drug. I take remeron and it has helped!Let us know the outcome.
Michelle, it would be wise to talk to someone about your feelings. Do you have children or a close friend. You might also consider calling your doctor. I also went through some of what you are talking about but it happened before I was on my current drugs. I accused my husband of being involved with another woman. I don't know if he was but he denied it and he reassured me that he loved me. I came to realize that it didn't matter anyway because I needed to love myself. It was much more important than wanting to be loved. So I started to focus on my insecurities and I also started to learn to stand up for myself. I am still somewhat of a wimp but not quite as passive as I used to be. You are important Michelle and you are not going crazy. You are like the rest of us faced with incredible stress. Try to find time to love yourself. My heart is aching for you and wish I could give you a hugs. Marlene
Im sorry to read about what youāre experiencing. Like many others here I can relate. Hereās what has helped me. Maybe it will help you.
First, if youāre experiencing a panic attack, try to get out of your head. Focus on slowly inhaling and exhaling. There were times I would go outside and focus on the nite sky and the chilly air in my undies when I had them. Talk about changing perspective quicklyā¦. Try to go someplace else.
Second, each time you feel like crying let the tears flow. Donāt hold them back. At some point they will run out and youāll be empty. For me, I find being in that emptiness as being close to God. And if the crying happens again, repeat the process. Donāt bury what youāre feeling because itās only going to pop up, explode somewhere else and over something minuscule, unrelated to whatās actually happening in the present moment.
Finally, the pain meds youāre taking are they morphine? One of the side effects of morphine is psychological distress. I made my oncologist promise not to give me any morphine when Iām taking my last breaths. I do not want to cross over in a crazy state of mind. I want to go in peace, so I switched from morphine to OxyContin, long lasting, and oxycodone, breakthrough pain.
Iām also sorry to read about the strain going on in your relationship w/your husband. Maybe the two of you can speak w/your pastor (or minister/ priest) or a therapist. Like you, your husband is going thru a lot of stress right now and could use some support as well. Maybe try and focus on him for a bit. Still your mind and quietly listen to him, really listen to him. No doubt he is suffering like you are though he might not want to show it. Alcoholics Anonymous has a support group for spouses of an addictive loved one. Is there a cancer support group for spouses that you can find for him?
Hang in there Michelle. I just changed my anti anxiety pills and they are working better. I also take a half an Ativan if I really need it. Get some help for the abuse. Keep praying and we are praying for you. I know it sometimes is overwhelming Theresaš
Thinking of you, and admiring all the good advice youāve gotten! It sounds as if youāve already taken some important stepsā¦.just know weāre all thinking of you and supporting you and also sharing the stress and questions that this diagnosis gives us!
Michelle, you are not crazy! You are experiencing what you think is a disaster situation, and responding to it normally! Call your Dr's, both oncology & family practice Dr's. Explain quickly how you are feeling (just like you did here), and ask for help. I did the same when I thought the SHTF, and my family practice Dr immediately adjusted my meds & I noticed the difference within 3 days! And if you need meds changes again, ask for it! You are not alone & you have support here. Believe me, things will work out, but ask your Dr's for more help now. ā¤
Sister/warrior, and yesss over-comer. We all have different seasons of change we experience on this earthly life journey. Don't focus on your husband. Be selfish, right now, and focus on you. I do pray GOD will strengthen you. I also pray GOD will provide your husband with the ability to support you during this challenging time. Even during times of discomfort our Father GOD is walking with you. You know where to put your trust. Recite the Serenity Prayer. This Prayer gives me peace in times of struggle.ššš XoXo
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Please help with adjusting dose of cape and questions I should ask?
Help with diet please.
You've helped me so much!
