Had my first injections yesterday...not nice but not horrendous either...felt sorry for the nurse...I started crying as soon as she asked how I was...everything is just too much for me at the moment...I’m crying all the time and my blood pressure is sky high
I’m seeing my daughter today...not seen her since February and I’m trying to keep in control of myself so I don’t break down in front of her...I’m finding it difficult
Sorry to be a misery...I don’t have anyone to talk to about how I really feel so I just cry by myself...when I woke this morning my husband was there and he just asked me ‘what’s wrong ?’...how do you answer a question like that!!
Do any of you ladies do this?... have a bit of a mini breakdown?... I’m just fed up of putting on a brave face all the time...I did dye my hair last night and put fake tan on my face so I look a bit better so I’m still trying but it’s not easy
Barb xx
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Hi Barb from the other side of the pond!!! I am so sorry u have been down. U said u have no one to talk to. Would u consider talking with a therapist? If u r maybe your hospital or Oncologist could recommend someone. Have u been able to horseback ride at all? That always brings u joy!
Hi Barb. I haven’t had a good cry since my MBC diagnosis two years ago but I do go through times when I feel really sad. Sometimes before I go to sleep and sometimes when I wake up. There are days (a lot actually) when I don’t want to get up to go walking but I force myself. These days I feel sad because I don’t know if my meds are working and I feel anxious about not knowing when I will be having my blood test. I also feel anxious about the results when I do get to have my blood test.
I hope you have a good time with your daughter but if you do break down in front of her, I’m sure she will understand. It is difficult to put on a brave face all the time. When I go to hospital for my tests, I’m like a lamb being led to the slaughter but I put on a brave face for my husband. I’m sure he knows though because I’m mostly quiet on the long drive to the hospital and I hardly finish my food when we stop to eat.
MBC sucks! We have good days and bad days. I just wish there were more good days than bad.
Oh I recently started doing these exercises and it does help calm my mind. They are light and easy on the body but I do like what it does to soothe my mind. Takes only 20 minutes of your time. It’s called Daily Tai Chi for Beginners and Seniors with Don Fiore and here is the link:
Thank you for understanding...a nurse yesterday asked me if I wanted to talk to a therapist and I declined...saw someone privately two years ago and it just wasn’t for me...also tried antidepressants which I hated so stopped those
I’ve just had more worries with my second treatment not working after a short time and now starting something else new...I know I’m stressed because I had a bad migraine Thursday...not had one for about a year
I’ll try to get on my horse Monday or Tuesday and I’m going to see a friend next week now lockdown has eased...we can sit in her garden social distancing so that’ll be nice...although lockdown hasn’t bothered me too much I’m beginning to get fed up of it
Hi Barb. I was there a few months ago. Óne day , when I was working from home ( before it became the norm) and kids were at school I suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of sadness and started crying and could not stop... It felt like I literally built up 18 months of upset and was letting it out... Having experienced depression before I chose to reach out immediately and called therapist at my hospital... They were great and FastTracked me to a session the week after... I had about 6 sessions , fornightly and it was exactly what I needed... My therapist was amazing and literally carried me through when the last 2 treatments failed... I did not need help dealing with the failed treatment per se but I needed help to be in the right frame of mind to handle it... I had worries about my kids, anger about my medical team let downs , my husband and talking about it with her allowed me to articulate it , deal with it and let it go... I also needed to be able to talk to her about the " after" which I couldn't really address with anyone else... Everyone who loves you "forbid" you to talk negatively and let's face it it is not your oncologist priority ( although to be equally fair my oncologist does not seem to have many priorities when it comes to me...)....
Sorry did not mean to talk about me so much but in your case I would strongly suggest reaching out for counselling... You are quite clearly a driven, independent and very social and fun person... You have bottled a lot in, suffered equally a lot and cannot rely on the people you would normally rely on because you don't want to upset them ( o the irony!)...
Being able to talk things through, to say aloud some of the prophecy and lost opportunities we are brewing inside and more simply to be able to express what we feel , how angry, frustrated and sad you are....
Now don't get me wrong it is not a panacea, life still sucks and the cards we have been dealt will, as well as obviously affecting us dearly , also affect the one we love for ever but this is exactly what got me out of my cycle of destruction.... I am conscious I don't have long with my kids and I want to make the most of it... I want to try not to spend too much of it being cross, angry or upset...I know it is very simplistic and easier said than done but I do try to make the most of what I have right now. I appreciate I am very fortunate to have had my life ironically greatly improved by Covid. My daughter is back from Uni, my mum came from France and kids are at home... I have been able to juggle weekly chemo with working from home without too much attention as everyone else is too and had time to adjust to my new look ( no hair and 2 stones heavier) without the added concerns of handlíng friends and colleagues unease ....I know for most lockdown as exacerbated the feeling of loneliness so I totally get that I am in no position to shove my " carpe diem" down everybody's throat but I suppose what I am trying to say is we all have different circumstances, different triggers, different demons that we bottle in . For me being able to express them to a person who wàs rémote enough from my life but close enough to my disease helped greatly....I felt the support system I had built throughout my life ( friend and family) was understandably not the one I could rely on to support me with this.... It takes adjusting ...
Barb you are a force of nature, and your personality has shone through this forum but you are still human...Cut yourself some slack and reach out if you can...
What a lovely post...as I mentioned earlier to Mymiracle...therapy didn’t help me last time but I suppose that was post mbc diagnosis and I felt differently then
I feel sort of awful but I sort of don’t want Miranda to come...it’s terrible of me because she’s really looking forward to seeing me but I’m in such a horrible place at the moment....does that sound like crazy talk...I want to curl up in a corner
I totally get why you feel like this about Miranda's visit. I get the same, sometimes you just don't feel you have the energy to put on " The Face" but I am sure once she is here and you are enjoying the sun in the garden chatting you will forget about the anxiety.... I also had mixed results with therapy before ( and antidepressants) but I feel this time the ask is different... I don't need a permanent fix, just enough to keep me going ... It has put a different spin on things... I also find the worries easier to articulate, more tangible ( ie: I don't have to justify why I feel overwhelmed,it just comes with the MBC territory!)....
I must admit that as much as this forum has been a great help it also sometimes makes it harder to deal with treatment setback... So many are still on Ibrance that you get reminded regularly that ship has sailed for us and it just reopens the wound ever so slightly...
There is still so much for you to look forward to , and so many memories to make with your girls... You are just having a reset moment , it seems only fair! Such a shame we all live so far away...
I totally feel the same when other ladies have continued success with Ibrance...I’m pleased for them but also jealous...sounds like I’m resentful which I suppose I am
I’ll be ok when Miranda arrives...she’s very lively and entertaining and as you say she’ll hopefully lift my spirits
Absolutely understand why you might not want to go down the therapy route but I think if you see it as a way to empty your bag ( as we say in French) more than a tool to deal with stress long term you might get more out of it. When I started I made it clear this is what I wanted ( I had done 2 CBT in the past with mixed results) and to be fair I started the second session with ' this will be the last one' as it felt a bit like a luxury to just spend an hour every 2 weeks talking about how I felt and feeling sorry for myself but actually I realised this is exactly what I needed... Have a fab day with Miranda today and see how you feel Monday.
Hi Barb; Here I am again. Therapy isn't for everyone. You just need someone to talk to . There are phone friends available here through the Cancer society. Don't know if that would help you. A person calls you once a week or whenever, who has been through Cancer and so understands.
Hang in there Barb this too shall pass. I too do not have any desire to go to therapy it’s just not for me either. It’s ok to have a good cry and not have to put on that strong I’m ok face all the time.
Totally understand. But she will be good medicine for you!
In my opinion you should have a cry with your daughter. I went though this a week ago and as a friend told me (as did my kids when I confronted them ) that I need to take care of of me both physically and mentally. That means crying when I need to and doing this infront of my loved ones. They need to know how I’m honestly doing and it’s fine for them to support me. I can stop being the strong one and lean on them. Once I spoke with my kiddo felt so much better (might have been the three hour crying jag ).
I take antidepressants and have for years. I don’t think I would be able to face cancer without them. It’s a long hard road to find the right medication but it might help.
You can send me a private message anytime you want to “vent”. I’m a good listener! It’s easier with somebody that isn’t close to you. You don’t have to worry about their feelings before you speak.
You’ve been through a lot of rough news lately and you need to deal with it emotionally and if it means crying then do it. Or throw some pillows around. Maybe the next time your husband says what is wrong smack him with a pillow. 😉. The say “I have cancer, that’s what’s wrong “.
I’ve actually had a lovely afternoon in the garden with the family...just sat and chatted and reminisced...I didn’t cry or anything and got through it ok
Such a great answer Sarah. Couldn't agree more. As to the husbands, I have one. Hates getting old, (I mean really). Does not know how to respond to my Cancer. I think because I am stoic and don't talk about my cancer much he thinks it is not so bad. They just do not know how to relate. They think they are fine! What is the problem?? So no use beating them. Well it might release some of our frustration and anxiety.
My husband is awesome with cooking meals and doing housework but you are right, he doesn’t know how to relate. Mine asks how my pain is or if I’ve pooped (always constipated) lol but if I tear up he hides. I know he means well but .... maybe a couple of smacks with a pillow lol.
Then there’s me and my opinion. If you were your daughter, who is an adult and who clearly loves you to pieces, how would you feel? Do you think you’re protecting your daughters by struggling to put on a brave face? Don’t you think they know you well enough to see through that? They may go along with it because they don’t want to upset you., because it seems to be how you want to handle things. There is a point at which a stoic facade becomes a barrier. I know just where you are because it is where I am right now. Ok, no therapy or meds for you but trust that your daughter can handle your sadness. Expressing yourself fully to her would make your bond tighter and relieve her of having to pretend all is well. It would give her the chance to fully support you. Too many repressed tears, anger, sadness will find a way out, and your body and mind will pay the price. I encourage you to take a nice walk with your daughter to someplace private and be open with her. I wish I had a daughter I could be close to. It’s a really special bond. 💕
I didn’t really get the opportunity to talk privately to Miranda as she’d brought her hubby and vanessa also brought hers so we were in a distanced group outside
They cheered me up though and it was beautiful weather
They’ll pop in to say hello tomorrow before driving back to London
I did tell her by text how I’d been crying and feeling sad so she does know
It is, Barb. It takes a lot of energy and motivation not to sink I was telling my therapist yesterday how I just don’t have the energy to keep going sometimes. Glad you had a good visit and sounds like you feel better. It is glorious weather here to lo so I’m going back outside to enjoy. What a blessing to have such supportive daughters. Sounds like you have a great relationship with them.
We’ve always got on reasonably well apart from a few arguments during their teenage years...we always loved riding and had lots of fun when they had their ponies!! Vanessa still rides out with me but only recently as we rode separately during lockdown...the horses missed each other as well!!
It's ok to cry and it's ok to cry in front of your daughter. Like you I try hard to hide my feelings from my kids. However when I haven't been able to manage that my daughter tells me 'it's ok to not be ok' and gives me a hug. It helps her to feel useful too at a time when there's nothing she can do to fix things.
As for those words (how are you?) Which are always spoken from a caring heart, they never fail to make me cry. Maybe just because someone is being kind and we feel we can let it out.
Hi Barb. I am glad you will be able to spend time with your daughter. And if you break down it will help her understand how you feel. Then she will be able to comfort you and comfort is what you need. I also think it would be helpful for you to talk with a therapist - someone who is specializing in working with cancer patients. Ask your Onc for a referral. Nobody expects us to be brave all the time. Good to hear that the shot wasn't too hard on you. You are in my prayers. Marlene
I'm so sorry, I am in the same boat as you and cry at the drop of a hat. we were watching a movie last night with a heart-breaking scene in it and I asked hubby to FF because I just didn't want to see anything sad. I blame hormones; mine had leveled out before all this happened and the letrozole or whatever you take to drop the level even further makes a huge difference in emotions I am finding. I want my estrogen back .... NOT! talk about a double edged sword we have to fall on! Add to our situation all the sadness in the world right now and there ya go! I had to cut my letrozole down to half everyday as it was crippling my hands; they still hurt at times but at least I can use them. anxious to have another CA test to see what my tumor markers say since I've been halving the letrozole, you're not supposed to cut them in half, but I was desperate so will let you know as soon as I re-establish a connection with onc who seems to have disappeared amongst the covid19 pandemic. still also taking the ginger and fenben religiously, it is tasteless and harmless at small doses I have read, it makes me feel like I am doing something EXTRA to battle the beast. love ya Barb, I feel a real connection to you for some reason ... same thing with Sophie, she's such an inspiration! and others ... although I am terrible with names right now! What don't kill us makes us stronger, amen? When you're hubby asks what's wrong, just tell him "if I told you, I'd have to kill you", <said tongue in cheek, I do like to pick on my man lol God forgive me> God bless you and heal us all in Jesus name, amen <3 xoxo
You’re very sweet to reply...yes hormones or lack of them do create havoc with our emotions...I’m struggling listening to classical music some of which reduces me to tears (especially opera)... a friend sent me a text with someone singing ‘When you walk through a storm’ and that set me off
I’m clearly not the only one if you are the same...I’ve always been sensitive to music and when my father died I had to avoid it altogether for a while
I did take fembendazole for a few months but then worried about it and stopped...it’s the uncertainty especially as I’m changing drugs right now
I hear you loud and clear! you have to do what makes you feel comfortable. I remember 1st going through peri-menopause in my mid 40's and being told I was too young to be experiencing menopausal symptoms, then at 50 no more monthly visitor! then finally around 60 the hot flashes stopped for the most part and I felt at ease, then BAM, they came back with a vengeance when I started letrozole, that's why I raved about finding ginger because it keeps them under control and not so bad. one more thing and it's a mystery, I had a fistula from the time I was 36 and when I started taking the fenben, it went away completely. That thing was so irritating and caused me alot of discomfort, I had never had it fixed because the surgery would have left me with a chance of being bowel incontinent, so I opted out. I give the Lord all the glory for healling the nasty little fistula, but have to admit it didn't happen until I started taking the fenben 30 years later, God does indeed work in mysterious ways! On another note, music moves me greatly, always has ... it is just so spiritual! I've heard it said that God sends angels to catch all our tears for Him, you and me are going to have GALLONS and GALLONS! <3 xo
yes, and my friend told me that when her son kept going in the hospital with MRSA, he'd get better, get out then get it again, that his vet friend told him about it and it got rid of his MRSA! very strange drug that .... since I told you everything else, I didn't want to leave that bit out ... my friend is a family friend, not someone from the internet ....
Sorry Barb you are having an awful time at the moment, but I do hope seeing your daughter will lift your spirits . Like you , I would find it hard to see a counsellor , but I would let your grown up daughter know how hard it is for you changing treatments , so that she can be there for you if needed . Tell her soon just to get it out of the way and then spend the rest of your time with her doing something fun . I’m glad lockdown meetings are easing on Monday and I think it will be good for you to meet up with your buddies ( social distancing of course !) . Hope you are able to get out on Bugsy too as often as you can in this lovely weather . Take care ! Much love x
I’m so sorry Barb. Don’t be too hard on yourself. We all have times we break down, cry, feel angry, frustrated, are scared, worried, depressed, feel Sorry for ourselves, etc, etc. No one can truly understand what each of us goes through. And we have to find what works for us individually. It could be therapy but again maybe not. There are many struggling every day, like the ladies here, who can relate better than most. I always wonder ...am I doing the right thing, making the right decisions, pros/cons of everything especially relating to treatment and the constant “what if” … I look at all the awful things going on in the world right now...the uncertainty and tragedy as a result of the pandemic, the economic fallout, and now in US the terrible riots, and it weighs on my mind and adds to the MBC stress. No matter what, I tell myself people are good, I am thankful and blessed to have all that I have...even if means dealing with cancer again. I pray for God to comfort and heal you. ❤️ Jane
I have been thinking about you a lot and suddenly I remembered a discussion I watched on You Tube between a panel of naturopathic doctors. The discussion was hosted by the Hippocrates Health Conference people. I watched that panel discussion sometime last year. Those doctors of course don't recommend the kind of therapy for cancer that we are taking so maybe their advice doesn't apply to us but one of them said something interesting. I remember it now because we are talking about therapy. One of the wholistic doctors said that their patients that spent time with therapists whose practice related to breast health had a much better chance of healing and recovery. Since I and other ladies in this chat group have recommended therapy it might actually benefit all of us. The fact that we don't want to do it is all the more reason we likely need it....heh...heh.....It would be nice to be able to unburden oneself. And I doubt that it could harm. I think it would most likely benefit me. Sometimes I think I sabotage my own healing process because of unlocked emotions and feelings. So I am going to ask my Onc in June if she can recommend someone. Because our feelings about ourselves are so complex and we have days of rage we need a place to vent those feelings and get ourselves to a more peaceful place. I want us all to heal and find joy in the last years we are on this beautiful planet. But whatever you do Barb - it is all okay. Hugs Marlene
Hi Francesca. Great to hear from you. When I started therapy in my last 20s I went thru about 4 until I found one I was comfortable with. I was even in group therapy for a while. Although it was helpful in some ways, it was like an urban version of the Bob Newhart Show. Even had one member, who was a therapist himself, rolling on the floor laughing from something he remembered when he was a fetus. I kid you not.
Good to hear from you also. How are you doing? I just started another treatment -affinitor and exestamane. Doc had postponed me starting it because of Covid -and it lowers immunity. I have been quarantined for so long I am going to lose my mind soon- what’s left of it anyway.
Love n hugs♥️♥️♥️♥️
Hi Barb,
You don't need to apologise for feeling tearful and crying in front of the nurse and your husband. Look at all the changes you have been through lately: dealing with lockdown, not seeing so much of your family and then changing to faslodex. Of course you are feeling emotional! It is also natural to feel envious of others who may be getting a longer shelf life out of their treatment. I can't help envying anyone older than me who has lived for decades longer than me, as I want that too! But I am trying not to compare myself to others.
But I can also understand why you would want to hide your tears. As a wife and mum, you have probably been a strong figure in your family's life, and now you may feel like you have less control over what is happening with your health and your emotions. Did you watch the news the other night when we were given a glimpse into the ICU wards with seriously ill COVID-19 patients? I was in tears as I heard the doctors discussing how one particular patient was dying and how they would have to call the relatives to let them know. I was really shocked and upset. Things like that really bring it all home to me.
I can't tell you that you should cry in front of your family or open up more to them, because that is a personal decision. But I do understand the need to protect them and not let them see you so upset because I feel the same way about my family. It is so hard, isn't it? We want to reach out to them and ask for help, but at the same time we don't want to worry and overwhelm them. I think you are a very strong woman, and have done so well with managing your disease and still getting on with your life. You are an inspiration to me!
Sophie you are so lovely and understand me very well about the issue of breaking down in front of the family
I do feel as if I’m useless to them now whereas they looked to me for advice and we had fun together before mbc...before the lockdown we were going on our annual jaunt to Burghley horse trials but of course it’s just been cancelled...I feel that experience will never happen again...so sad
I didn’t watch the news about the Covid wards...I only read a newspaper as I find the news rather obsessed and often biased and upsetting as you found the other night...I can’t cope with seeing it
I’ve brightened up today since seeing the family....what a difference a day makes!!
I'm glad you are feeling better about things. You are right that things can look differently the next day.
You are being too hard on yourself though. I am sure you are not useless. You are still a wife and mother. This disease is cruel, but it hasn't taken that away from you. You are also a great support on this site, and I appreciate that as I am sure others do too. I try to keep up with my role as a wife, daughter, sister and friend, because I am still those things to those who love me the most.
I think I will avoid the daily updates about the coronavirus and just catch the headlines so I know if there is any new update. I just felt as if the news went a bit too far the other night, and was employing shock tactics with the viewers. I'm not sure what their objective was, but whatever the reason it was very upsetting. I am a grown woman and yet I found it extremely upsetting. What would a young child think, or a relative of one of the patients being featured in the news report?
Yes I think we need to know what’s happening but at a distance...I really don’t see the point of showing upsetting footage like that...what can it achieve?
I suppose if some of the idiots who have ignored social distancing saw it maybe they would think twice about being so careless...though I doubt it
I agree with you, Barb. I will try to avoid watching the news as much. I seem to get most news from my dad anyway, so shall probably just stick with hearing from him.
🙋♀️ I allow myself self-pity parties! A good cry now and then...followed by clothes shopping 🛍... Chronic disease is no joke. It just gets taxing. The appointments. The scans. The anti-hormonal meds. The IV treatments every 3 weeks For 4 years...Oi! It’s a lot sometimes...Sometimes u want to scream I need a break!
There’s not much I can add to all these great responses. Just know that another mbc sister is rooting for your success and hoping that the cloud lifts soon.
You would not be normal, if you didn’t cry & have a little breakdown from time to time. I’m the same and usually feel a little better after a cry.
We all live with MBC & on the whole are all very brave & get on with our lives the best we can.
Last night I found it so hard to get to sleep..... lots on my mind, feel achy, just had a routine scan, waiting for results etc. I’m not sure my loved ones & close friends understand what it’s like ..... they tend to brush things aside if I try to talk about things.... they tell me I will outlive all of them.
Whilst watching tv last night a Marie Curie advert came on.... my husband, Steve looked at me and said nice of your friend Jill to ring today.... he was trying to distract me. He doesn’t like to talk about C..... Before I had C he use to say oh dear, turn over I don’t want to watch adverts about C...
Barb on the whole, you cope so very well & I think Bugsy helps you so much. At times like this, sometimes animals are better company than humans. However, Barb I’m sure all your family love you so much, including your hubby, but like mine and most men ..... just are not good with words.
Thank you for your reply and a lot of what you say is so true especially regarding husbands...mine seems to be setting up his life as if I was already dead and doesn’t need me...always off doing activities he knows we can’t do together...I recently suggested a walk after my blood transfusion and I could tell he wasn’t keen...walked by the river for a few miles and he kept asking me if I wanted to turn back...he was obviously bored...I was fine as well walking at a normal pace etc...I feel as if I’ve been ‘written off’
I’ve noticed that there are occasional adverts about cancer charities on tv and at the cinema...the first time I saw one was at the cinema and couldn’t believe what I was seeing...I was quite upset...had gone to see a film to distract me from mbc not see a big reminder on the screen...ugh
Barb, I am so sorry you are having such a hard time. I agree with all the other ladies. You are a strong woman but this MBC is so hard to deal with. I can't remember the last time I cried, I think my body is so dried up there are no tears. I can get depressed too. I just had to tell my neighbor friend yesterday that we we are only friends ( he wants more but I don't). He doesn't understand what I am going through. This month has been extremely busy and my girlfriend just spent 4 days here which was a bit much.
Have fun with your daughter and if you need to just cry and express your feelings. Go for a nice ride with Bugsy.
This forum is really great. Seems like when I am feeling down there will be a post from someone like yours feeling the same way.
Hang in there and I am sending you a big ole hug from Indiana.
Hi Barb, thinking of you. This situation is no joke and only if you are in it can you really understand it. I was managing quite well but now with this lock down etc the usual distractions...voluntary work, friends family, are not so easily available and I seem to cry more now and I suppose our covid situation is not helping. Your daughters sound lovely young women, congratulate yourself there. It is not easy sharing our sorrows with our children as they have always seen us as the strong ones but I think we have to begin to let them help more both practically and emotionally if we can. I have not gone down the therapy road but have begun to think about it. Have you some good friends who can listen? Enjoy the sunshine. Fayx
Barb I understand your feelings too. I went through a bad bout a couple of weeks ago. I would cry at the drop of a hat. I find if you look perfectly normal on the outside that people forget what you are dealing with. Like you said it gets really hard putting on a good front all the time while inside you are breaking up. Hang in there and hope you feel better soon💕
I hope you are feeling a bit better today. Finding out a treatment isn’t working is just horrible. We all invest in the treatment we are having, we get used to the peculiar side effects that each different has, it takes a while to get to know them and you start to settle and feel more comfortable and then without warning they are gone. A bit like an abusive relationship. Then with trepidation you are on to the next.
If it was a relationship you’d take a few months of drinking wine With friends and eating ice cream at 3am And then when you felt better you’d try again. But we are going from one abusive relationship to the next hoping against hope that this will be the one. No wonder you are finding it hard. I found it hard first when ibrance stopped working, then afinitor and then the iv chemo whose name I can’t even remember. Now I’m on xeloda and have painful hands and feet but It’s early days I’m hoping that the xeloda will start to like me and stop making me uncomfortable. But if I stop what’s next, will the next one be worse. It’s just horrible but we keep going and we tolerate the drugs abusive behaviour in the hope the cost will be outweighed by the benefits. It’s no wonder you feel worn out.
I know you have tried counselling and it didn’t work, but please don’t be put off by a bad experience. You have to find a counsellor who suits you and that’s as hard as finding a decent husband! I see a little semi retired Welsh woman with a wicked sense of humour who I can say anything to. She is completely unshockable. I can cry with her or laugh and we do a lot of laughing (sometimes hysterical). I tried a few before I found her. She is doing zoom counselling at the moment if you want to try her I can ask her if she’s taking new clients but she might be a bit cozy for you.
There’s lots of good advice on here about having the faslodex injections including warming it up to body temperature before the injection is given. Don’t be afraid to ask your nurse to do something differently. It’s not a drug that’s used often here because it’s expensive and most nurses don’t have a lot of experience of giving it. I found faslodex very easy to tolerate and I’ be very happy to be back on it.
Barb, I’m praying for your strength today. You’re never alone. The Lord will never leave or forsake you. It’s ok to have a mini breakdown because we’re dealing with some tough stuff. You just have to get back up. Get yourself ready to enjoy your daughter. Let her love on you and you on her. We’re here to encourage and lift you up in moments like these. Feel better and declare it for yourself that better days are coming.
I can’t really add much to all the wonderful responses you’ve gotten, but I wanted to let you know I’m thinking of you. I totally understand the putting in the brave front to everyone. I have been breaking down and crying the last week myself. I usually am pretty upbeat, but I’ve not been feeling great lately, and it takes a toll. I hope you got to ride and it helped a little.
Barb. Recently with my thumbs both going apeshit on me..... I’m crying all the time. I know it’s nothing compared to you. But I’m scared I’m not going to be able to cope in a house on my own anymore. And the treatment is going to have to change and I worry it won’t work etc etc etc.
I can’t cry to anyone else.
I just want to do it alone.
I get some of where your coming from.
I’m sorry.
I wish we could al flip a switch and this would change.
Oh I’m sorry you’re crying too...it’s just all too much sometimes...my worst time is on waking up as I’ve forgotten about the mbc so remembering it afresh every day is like being kicked in the guts again
At the beginning of the pandemic when people were fussing a bit about me going out for walks etc...I actually said I hoped I’d get the virus as it would solve my problems...I obviously didn’t mean it literally but people got on my nerves over it especially when I took Bugsy out on my own...I kept distance and didn’t shop or mix with people but I was almost feeling people wanted to lock me away...we have enough to worry over
Why are you thinking your treatment might have to change?... because of your hand pain?... I know there’s no point in telling you not to worry as I’m exactly the same as most ladies on here
My thumb joint actually bent backwards yesterday. I'm scared. That even if my meds change, my hands won't.
But my doc called today. She's trying to get me into a hand specialist asap.
I feel that what's the use of living if I can't use my hands. This is all done with one finger. Can't open doors or turn taps on easily. Really hard when living alone.
And I know it's all relative.... But mine us morning compared to what you're putting up with. I feel terrible for complaining.
Barb, this cancer sucks and it's totally acceptable to cry. And cry. And cry. The beauty is that if you do, one day you'll find you're cryed out. Everybody will understand. And not only that, many will be able to help you and that will make them feel better. You've got this, do what's good for you.
Barb, you don't have to lighten up. It's not your job to keep people happy and comfortable. (Unless you're a party planner, then it is. But not family.) Life isn't always happy and comfortable. It can be useful to honor that. Others will too. We all do!
Barb, my heart goes out to you. In addition to dealing with MBC, there is so much ugliness going on all over the planet. Most of us are having down times during these days that don't seem like they are ever going to end or return to normal. We all just want our old lives back. Hugs and blessings, Hannah
So sorry to read this, Barb. So far, I’ve been able to block the futility, but I’m fully aware that my mini breakdowns will hit me one day, and I’ll be better able to relate. I cried at the beginning of this journey and have now held emotions at bay for over two years.
I do believe that breaking down is God’s way of allowing us to release pain and grief. You should NEVER apologize when this happens. If someone asked me what was wrong, I think I’d say just that: I need a moment to release some grief.
You are in my heart and prayers! Hang in there, sweet sister!
Perfectly normal in our situation! It gets overwhelming periodically and I just find it so lifesaving to express my despair on this board.
We can't expect to put on a constant strong face to those around us. We have to cry and explain how we feel or we will explode! That would be too messy!
Yes I have mini meltdowns more than I would like. Honestly, how could we not especially right now with virus Putting us into quarantine. My husband used to ask me the same thing and I finally got him to not ask and just hold me until it passes. I think most men want to be able to fix things and feel helpless when they can’t. I just things to be “normal” whatever that means. I want to go shopping, I want to hug my kids I want to have lunch or dinner with friends. I am trying really hard to show myself some grace. This is a hard time we are going through. Vent away if you need to and try not to be too hard on yourself.
Kim your right about the effects of the lockdown...I think it’s maybe the last straw for many of us...at least the rules have slightly relaxed although many people didn’t adhere to them anyway
I really think it is too and the we have people burning down and looting stores in their own communities in reaction to a horrible senseless death by police. This world is just a mess right now.
I think you are right about the lockdown affecting us. I haven’t had a crying jag but the other morning I was laying in bed wondering why I was bothering to get up and why I wanted to go on taking my pills and my shots if I couldn’t do anything that seemed like normal. My kids all work in the medical field so they are saying they need to stay away from me. That also includes the grandkids. We had a busy day yesterday so I missed Barb’s original comment but I don’t think I could have said anything very encouraging and I’m usually fairly up. One day this will end, I keep telling myself.
Please don't feel bad about crying. Cry whenever you need to- I used to cry daily in the shower. This is a lot to deal with. A lot! And sometimes it is overhwhelming.
Try deep breathing- it could help with the sadness and blood pressure.
I often feel on the verge of tears when I go for treatment and/or appointments with my doctor. You are not alone.
Hey barb-hang in there and try to stay positive. We all have our days and I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it go away. My hair is thin I look pale-circles under my eyes because I can’t sleep well due to the hot and cold spells. Go out and do something just for yourself. I feel like I don’t have many friends-not wirking anymore si I try to find something to keep my mind off of everything. Going to the y will help and I start back soon. If it happens once in awhile it’s normal but if you feel you can’t function them maybe a little help -some med or talking with someone -I feel it will pass. Best of luck to you-🙏🌹
Youre brave! Those shots seem scary to me so I think everyone it's taking them are really Brave. I do understand how you are. And how are you are feeling. I spoke with my oldest daughter today she lives in New York haven't seen her in a while and she thinks that I'm depressed. No kidding. Having this disease, the pandemic and the injustices in society has really worn me down as of late. I live alone and I'm just getting stir crazy. Thank God I have a sweet cat. I have another daughter that I just recently saw that I hadn't been able to see because she is a flight attendant. But we took precautions best we could it was good to see her but she wouldn't even allow me to hug her for fear of germs. I hope you get to feeling a little bit better. Take care
The shots weren’t as bad as I expected...the nurse who administered them was so kind and injected them slowly
I was in an awful state...crying etc even before she gave me them...when I was leaving she actually said ‘bugger it’ and gave me a hug!!!...she was wearing PPE and it made such a difference to have a tactile connection
I think the virus having this disease and lack of physical touch is having an impact on us all
I'm so sorry you're overwhelmed. You have every reason to have tearful times, but I'm glad your daughter and Bugsy perked you up a bit!
Hopefully the injections will halt the progression and you'll have some time to get your feet back under you. It seems you get knocked down each time you try something. You've earned a break. Fingers crossed you get one.
I was the same way after my MBC diagnosis 5 years ago. As soon as my husband left for work I would cry most all day. I soon found strength in prayer and scripture. I know this isn’t for everyone. Later my doctor prescribed an antidepressant. It certainly has helped. I am five years out and try not to give into the worries of cancer. I’ve given it to the Lord. Praying for you .
may you find peace. as i've shared with a couple other metasisters, a quote from the Buddha i recite during the challenging times: In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins- not through strength, but through persistence. may you persevere!
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