I am a positive person and NEVER knew depression. Of course there are times that I am down, but never depressed and able to burst out in tears over nothing, constantly! It must be the Ibrance/letrozole accumulation. This is by far the worst of my symptoms. I don't want more pharmaceuticals for depression. Anyone else dealing with this?
This depression sucks!!: I am a... - SHARE Metastatic ...
This depression sucks!!
43 Replies
•
Hi there
I’m exactly the same..cry most mornings when I wake..I remember I’ve got mbc
A lot has changed since April..stopped my job..can’t do my hobby without pain so I don’t know what to do sometimes
I’m a very good actress..put some slap on and show a brave face but it’s so hard.. my husband no help whatsoever..my daughters are supportive but one lives in London and the other works full time and now married
A bunch of my horsey friends are trying to persuade me to go to the Hunt Ball but I can’t face it..first time I’ve missed it so feel a bit jealous of others who haven’t got mbc like me..it’s brought out the worst in me..I was like you..never depressed..I won’t take antidepressants ( not yet) and try to keep pain meds to the minimum..had a walk into town today to buy a pressie for a friend..by the time I got there I was in pain so just came home..achieved nothing and was upset
It’s the not knowing how it’s going to be in the future that’s awful..I’m on the same meds as you Ibrance and letrazole but unsure if they’re causing my symptoms
I wish you some joyful days as I know exactly how you feel
Barb xx
• in reply toBarbteeth
Barb! The struggle is so real and reading your testimonial, we are so brave facing this unknown and painful journey! Just knowing there are others feeling the same is a comfort. Sending you hugs. We must persevere❤️😥
Barbteeth• in reply to
Hi you’re so right
Persevere we must!!.. I’m better around people but many of my friends work during the day and I find being on my own brings on the tears..I even went to the cinema by myself last week to see Bohemian Rhapsody..I’m a big Queen fan..that brightened my day
Hugs to you too
Barb xx
Dearest Barb, I would strongly encourage you to try anti-depressant. It has made a world of difference in my life! Definitely nothing to be ashamed of! God bless you!! Linda
Not bursting into tears, but yes, very sad. I expect the fatigue from meds contributes to the sadness. I got a medical marijuana card and will let the group know if it provides relief. I share your frustration. I mourn what I may not be part of.
• in reply to
Thanks Martha's vineyard, yes, let us know about your medical marijuana results please❤️
Barbteeth• in reply to
Hi there
Medical marijuana sounds good
I’m in the UK and though it’s just been authorised for medical use..I doubt someone like me would qualify
Only on the black market can you buy marijuana here and there’s no way to know what is in it and I wouldn’t dare risk it
You’re lucky to be given the opportunity
Hope it works for you
Barb xx
Cancer is usually an automatic approval. At least it is in the US.
Snowcone16• in reply to
It does...stops the mind from racing, takes the edge off, you’ll sleep well
I was taking antidepressants before my diagnosis but it has worsened. My doctor said it was because of what I am dealing with but I had to stop my Ibrance for two months for hip replacement surgery and I saw a big difference. While off the Ibrance I felt so much better. If you need something there is no shame in trying. I too am going to try medicinal marijuana. Take one day at a time. ❤️
• in reply to
Thanks Sarcie! I think Ibrance is to blame in largest part. I just ordered CBD oil!! We'll see if it helps but I think it's not going to hurt! Yes, one day at a time
Dear SpiffyCJ,
Wondering how long it's been since your diagnosis. Ibrance can cause fatigue, sometimes extreme, and letrozole can cause joint discomfort. Being diagnosed with mbc is catastrophic and exhausting. Our lives will never be the same. Our expectations are upended. Our friends and loved ones don't always react with loving support. It is a wonder we get through it. It is traumatic, and I for one needed a lot of emotional help. Full disclosure, I had problems with depression and anxiety way before this diagnosis. This was just the icing on my crazy cake! You said you don't want to use pharmaceuticals, but I needed to and still do. To me, using antidepressants and anxiolytics is like using chemo drugs. They keep me from bottoming out. In the early days, I couldn't get out of bed or off my couch without Xanax, I was so panic stricken. I was careful not to abuse the drug, and after 4 years, rarely use it, but I do when I feel myself spiraling down. This is my new normal. I hate it, but I have come to deal with it better and focus more on the present with a view towards the future -- making plans for vacations, etc., that keep me looking forward. I am not sure I could stop the antidepressants and do as well. I have gotten over the big shock of having an end stage disease, and have hope that treatments will give me a longer life than the surgeon predicted when he told me to get my house in order. Yikes. And we are expected to go out into the world and not fall apart? I didn't plan on this, including being on antidepressants for the rest of my life, but now will do anything to have the best quality of physical and emotional well being. We are all different, and perhaps you will do ok without psychotropic drugs. I hope that for you. But, if you find this depression is lasting and affecting your daily life, reconsider that there may be treatment that can help you feel better and more resilient. And you may not have to take it forever. Feel better! You are not alone.
• in reply tonstonerocks
Nstonerocks andere Snowcone16, I know you're right, but I will try CBD oil first. I know depression is difficult before a DX of mbc, so that compounded depression after our DX needs to be treated!! No sense in not taking antianxiety meds. I never dealt with prolonged depression after my first dx 15 years ago and not even after the mbc DX in May of this year. That's why I think it's Ibrance/Letrozole. I hope CBD will work for me, but if not I will consider antianxiety meds. I do watch YouTube videos, Louise Hay, I love Eckhart Tolle.
It is certainly so comforting to know I am not alone. Only we can truly feel and understand each other. ❤️
nstonerocks• in reply to
Also check out Tara Brach, Kris Carr and Pema Chodron.
• in reply tonstonerocks
Thanks, I will! I follow Kris I need Facebook...she's amazing!!
• in reply to
I follow Kris ON Facebook (autocorrect sucks too 
• in reply to
Do u get Kris’s emails? I don’t use Facebook but follow her via her emails and website. Tara Brach for meditation and Pema, an American Buddhist nun, for her calm, very centering talks. Kris had an online Cancer summit that was fantastic, and I am currently reading a book by Mark Nepo, “The One Life We’re Given.” Hope the cbd helps u. I take it too but the little bit of Elavil I take makes a big difference for me.
• in reply to
Does the CBD help you you think? Would it work without an anti anxiety med?
nstonerocks• in reply to
I'd have to stop the drugs to see. I take hemp based and not marijuana based CBD, so doesn't have the THC that is supposed to be effective for anxiety. Let me know what "brand" you are using and if it works. I am open to trying what works.
• in reply tonstonerocks
I ordered Elixinol (I hope I'm not violating any rule). I consulted with a physician and he recommended this. I researched extensively and also don't want thc, as there is no consensus on it for estrogen positive breast cancer. I'll let you know how it'll work for me.
Same...and honestly, after the last scans I said out loud “one more day of being down then I’ll shake it off”. Well, it lasted almost 3 weeks. Looking back, I know that’s not long. But it’s the not knowing -in the moment-when the cloud will lift that makes it worse. I don’t know how long you’re feeling this way. Being positive has to be a habit. Otherwise, negative can become the habit. I did a couple different things through the past 10 months:
-you tube meditation and mindfulness exercises. You can also fall asleep to them
-I saw a hypnotherapist and confronted MBC. I reshaped it’s role in my life
-listen to Joel osteen 1-2 times per week on satellite or TV
-read a bible verse a day. I subscribe to a daily email.
-come here to the board.
🤗
Hi! I, like you, never had this until all the mbc meds. My Onc talked me into taking cymbalta at a low dose for the depression and aches and it worked great. Still on it over a year later and I haven't had the depression since.
Best wishes for you.
• in reply toMissyAnn68
MissyAnn! Thanks for your response. I am glad Cymbalta works and I will keep that in mind, for sure!
Spiffy:
Sorry you are going through this. I’m also an optimist and 1st go-round had multiple (6 in 6 mos) surgeries related to my stage one. Tried 2xs/week therapy, about 5 of the psych meds (including Effexor, Remeron-which was my last trial Med due to its side-effects). You have to be able to recognize when “enough is enough” ; so I stopped therapy and all meds (with docs assistance as it’s dangerous to suddenly stop psych meds). I self-diagnosed myself that I had medication-resistant depression. I slept about another year away; then I bought my husband a puppy for “his” birthday (‘course my birthday is actually the day before his) & the rest is history. Funny thing about puppy’s they need 24/7 care; so I was then pretty quickly “cured” of my depression! I was up (& up early; no going back to sleep or naps (like when I had an infant); I didn’t know this going in; but he brought me outta my depression as it took a couple months to train him. Now we go to the dogpark (&socialize w/other dog owners, I see much sunshine & breathe fresh air, must do dog-errands (food, grooming, etc). It was almost like the cure for agoraphobia in which one takes baby steps in leaving the house and eventually they’re cured). I think I was desensitized if my depression or “my” puppy cured me! Fast forward to my “new diagnosis” 7 years-out; you’d think I woulda curled up in ball with stage 4 diagnosis. I endured months of not knowing and multiple md appts & scans and began Ibrance/Gemara combo. I believe this diagnosis cured me of my underlying depression (which had been there but manageable); as my OPTOMISTIC self cane out and I look at every day as a gift and find a reason/purpose for each day and actually feel the happiest I’ve ever felt in 50 years (except for my wedding day & birth of two children). It’s like the stage 4 came and any residual depression I had after getting my puppy (now 1.5 y.o.) was now completely gone. Did I cry—oh yes! Now a year out from stage 4 diagnosis—anxiety has worsened and medical doc suggested Zoloft (which is an SSRI-antidepressant); I said here we go they’re pushing those meds on me again. I resisted for about 6 months as I had tried Zoloft 7 years ago; well one day I was literally on the sidewalk outside the mall in tears as I had a “final”meltdown (I hope; lots of stressors with 17 yo boy; need I say more). I realized rite then I needed to try Zoloft again; this time the doctor said “it helps with anxiety, please try it for that purpose as I told her I’m not depressed; I didn’t think I was anxious either. Well within a week or so—my emotions are not labile any longer! No more unprovoked, unwarranted crying jags for no reason (which I learned is probably a menopause thing; much like our irrational teenagers feel) tough stuff hormones are! I will say I now feel a bit flat; but vs the alternative (it’s very embarrassing to have that happen in public). I’ve no doubt if I had not taken the recommended Zoloft I may have had breakdown &ended up on it anyways!
Not all stories are the same; but if I were you I’d definitely try a “pet” (especially a puppy; if you can). I think it was his dependence on me—I couldn’t let him down; had to be there for him. Mine is a “pug” that are bread for “companionship” which I flat out refused and lost lotsa “friends” & my job due to round one cancer! His desire to be “my shadow”; literally, 24-7 were my “cure”!
People get “emotional support” animals and dogs are now used as @therapy” dogs in nursing homes, during college finals, etc! Anyhoo my “terminal” diagnosis cured my depression; but my
Puppy eventually cured my Med-reaistant depression. Add a little help from Zoloft at my primary md’s insistent-meltdown cure—check!
Now to find a cure for stage 4!
Point: try anything and everything—I think eventually things may just “click” for you—lightbulb went on for me to stop meds first round; a switch went on and I felt my “chronic depression” just lifted; enter puppy which helped with that too; lastly once reduced to the ground in spontaneous tears (I think my anxiety (crying jags) came out sideways after trying to suppress it & again it was like a switch=no more tears at all.
I don’t know if I did good summation as I’m on iPhone so hard to review my post; and I do get extremely forgetful (my son calls it post-menopausal brain-fog”=a real thing that tends to clear (there’s hope yet) on its own. Any questions/comments feel free. If I reread my post and can better sunnier it; I’ll do so under separate post.
Thx for bearing with me! Best to all!
• in reply toBailey3266
Hi Bailey! Thanks for your story! We do all have a different one. I love pugs
I have two cats my ex takes care of at his house, as I was in the hospital for two weeks (in May, I had a blood clot and at that time they discovered my mets).
I go visit them regularly. I am allergic to cats and dogs, but I'm didn't mind advise took an antihistamine each night. Now that I am on blood thinners, I can't take those because they're contraindicated.
So you think your depression was aggrevated once you started Ibrance?
• in reply to
As you can see from autocorrect, I'm on my phone too
Totally agree with your "pet therapy," Bailey! I have three very lovable, very needy, very clingy rescue dogs! They keep me focused on their daily activities and are totally terrific, natural, emotional therapy! Love to you! XXOO Linda
I have a lot to say in response to this conversation, but first I gotta say that the puppy story put a smile on my face! We're pet people and our menagerie of dogs, cats and parrot have given me so much more than they have taken. One thing, cats are alot less high maintenance than dogs. They don't need to be outside several times a day, and can be left alone at home for hours at a time without disaster, unless you think stuff being knocked off counters and tables is disaster! lol I'm a licensed clinical social worker and practiced for over 20 years. Depression comes in different 'forms.' Reactive depression is in response to difficult life events, like finding out we have metastatic breast cancer! It is generally somewhat time limited and can be helped by things like short term talk therapy, support groups, physical activity. Other depression is best treated with a combination of talk therapy and medication. There is a true physical basis for depression with a change in the enzymes in the brain. Those brain chemicals have an impact on mood, thinking, memory, sleep. So there is nothing "weak" about using medication to treat it and for some of us, a short term, 6-12 months, use of an anti depressant can make a huge difference. And for those of us with estrogen receptor positive bc, and on hormonal treatment, the anti-depressant Effexor has been the treatment of choice for the hot flashes that treatment can cause. (I've been on Effexor for over 12 years for the hot flashes from treatment and had those hot flashes go from many times a day sweat dripping bright red faced hot flashes apparent to anybody around me to a warm surge maybe once or twice a month.) Getting a diagnosis like this is hugely disruptive! Not just physically, but mentally, emotionally, psychically. It's a huge blow to body, mind and spirit and that doesn't just go away quickly on it's own. Support like we give one another here is important. And we cope in different ways. I did alot of journaling, wrote dark poetry, cried, read everything I could get my hands on about bc and mbc, and bought a wig and new make up! I cuddled with our dog and cats and my husband. And cried some more. It really is a process we work our way thru. I was originally diagnosed with bc on 3/1/2004 and by the end of that month knew that I had extensive bone mets. I call that March my month from hell! It was also the month of my 58th birthday, much too young for death in my opinion! Besides being an LCSW, I am an Episcopal priest and have worked both in parishes and as a hospital chaplain and I suspect that my inner resources are better than most. But even with all the therapy and inner work I've done in the past and my deep faith and trust in God, it took me at least a year and probably closer to 18 months to really get past the initial shock of this diagnosis. My blood pressure went up and I got a knot in the pit of my stomach every time I approached the cancer center! Having a good response to treatment, learning about mbc, and then meeting other women living with mbc made huge differences for me! I really don't know which helped me more, meeting others and hearing their stories and sharing support, or getting good results from initial treatment. Don't be hard on yourselves for feeling totally overwhelmed and disrupted by this diagnosis! It is overwhelming! We'd have to be crazy not to react, seriously! But we don't have to remain in a state of panic and gloom. Explore, look inward and outward, for support, to recognize what's going on, and don't be afraid to ask for help, whether that be in the form of asking somebody to clean the bathroom, cook dinner or mop the floor, or talking with the doctor about taking an anti-depressant for awhile. Of the many women I have met who are living with mbc, most of us have taken meds for depression, anxiety or sleep, or some combination of those, at some point during this living with cancer. End of trying to be helpful rant!
Thanks so much for your very informative reply to Bailey. Would you mind sharing what your cancer therapy has been since initial diagnosis in 2004? God bless you! Linda XXOO
It is the Letrozole as it removes all estrogen which can cause mood swings. It should get better once your body adjusts.
• in reply toMimigram
Very good point! Estrogen blocker definitely could be the major contributor!
I am not on any meds at the moment - and still have some "downtime" - like first thing in the morning when I remember I have MBC and suddenly feel so terribly tired! I tried to cope for ages but finally had to take a mild anti depressant and am glad I did as it has made me easier to live with I think! Am not sure just how one really copes but will be interested to hear how the medical marijuana goes. Marijuana has just become "legal" here in South Africa but very few medical suppliers around as yet - I do have one who does CBD oil in my address book!
Hope you feel better soon and let us know how the marijuana works
• in reply to
Hi Izzy! I certainly will post my results of the oil. I should get it any day now.
• in reply to
Look forward to any info on CBD oil you come up with. Good luck
Hello, Spiffy!
Dealt with that in early months. I've been on I/L for a year now, and at some point the depression and anxiety diminishes and becomes more manageable. I also have been on an anti-anxiety med since 2000, time of my BC diagnosis. I was in remission for 17 years until mets were found in my spine. I was in total shock. It took a few months to realize that, while not curable, this disease is manageable (and maybe chronic?) I have also found that the side effects of I/L have lessened as well.
Please know that everyone shares your emotions, the ups and downs, and the occasional feelings of hopelessness. But life does get better, maybe not back to what it was, but hopeful once again. God bless you! Linda XXOO
• in reply toSeattleMom
Thank you Linda❤️
I suffered from depression and anxiety after my initial diagnosis and had chemo which through me into menopause. My doctors felt it was hormone related. It was awful. I tried a bunch of anti-depressants and they just didn't work and I eventually worked my way out of it but about 2 years later it all came back. I finally found an anti-depressant that worked for me and I would encourage you to think about it. It's hard enough to deal with what we are going through physically but to be mentally struggling is hard and makes it harder to deal with the physical issues. I truly believe that your mental state plays a big part in our "dis-ease" and I need all the help I can get to stay strong both physically and mentally.
Dear Spiffy,
I'm not sure when you got your diagnosis, but you should realize that it is normal and healthy to grieve -- and be depressed -- when you receive the blessed news of this god forsaken disease. There is no time line as to when you'll be over it, but it will happen. It will take as long as it takes. You can't rush it. Using anti-depressants to help you is not a sign of weakness, but a sign that you're taking care of yourself. Right now, that's the best you can do. And I whole-heartedly agree with pet therapy!!!
Please try l theanine 200 mgs empty stomach first thing in AM. No drug works really well
• in reply toblms
Thanks! I will check into that!
Thanks everyone, for your loving and encouraging responses. This group is amazing!
Good luck Spiffy & thanks for everyone’s reply. Good luck with this battle; happy holidays😃
Idk; but I think the Zoloft helped & in short I’d recommend trying all of suggestions given and find what works. Positive attitude, exercise & my pet has helped but like the METS there is no cure; I still get the blues; but not as much with this Med & anxiety/crying jags is at bay or even NILL at this point! Loving thoughts to all.
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