I’m going to ask!

[Clair19]

Since we are all women I’m hoping, may I ask? I have a younger husband and he is great through this whole thing. It’s very personal question so I hope I don’t offend anyone. We have always had a great sex life, it has gone from 10 to about 2...Of course I’m sure this is normal, I’m hoping. I have no desire for the most part however I feel bad 😞 for him he never complains. I know this can be awkward but anyone else feel like me? I know it’s just sex, no big deal but I do feel guilty for not always being able to be in the mood. Anyway I hope I didn’t offend anyone and would like to hear back. Thanks

[PJBinMI]

Clair I am also older than my husband, and we had only been married two years when I was diagnosed in 2004. Hormonal treatment has left me with no sex drive at all! Both my onc and my gynecologist are women, and that has helped me feel more comfortable talking with them about this than if they were men. My onc suggested, and my gynecologist prescribed a compounded Rx testosterone cream that I apply to the outer area of my vagina every day. It is supposed to help lessen vaginal shrinkage and dryness. I don't know if it has because I don't know what those would be like without the cream, but it isn't bad. Still no sex drive. The gynecologist also suggested a compounded cream that uses pitocin, the hormone that starts labor in pregnant women, and helps with orgasms. The pharmacy calls it "dream cream". That is something you could ask your doctors about. It doesn't make me feel especially sexy, but once we get started, it does help alot! My husband has been very understanding and not at all pushy, too. I think we both have good husbands!

[Goo-da-Goo]

Clair, this is not a stupid question as i think we all have some kind of sexual problem.

PJBinMI has some great options but ask your dr . I cant have the testosterone cream as i am er/pr receptors . Don't be afraid to ask your dr im sure she will be glad to help you out.

Good luck

Mommaz

[PJBinMI in reply to Goo-da-Goo]

I have E + P+ cancer cells, too, but my onc oked this. There is also something called E-string that uses topical estrogen. The thinking is that when hormones are used topically as a cream, they do not enter the blood stream and "feed" the cancer cells.

[Selmac]

When it comes to cancer I think there are no stupid questions. I'll be perfectly honest. I'm 63. We haven't had sex since I found out I had cancer in 2013. My husband could not take better care of me. In our 43 years of marriage he has seen me through 26 surgeries. After losing my breasts and not being able to take anything to help the dryness or sex drive I didn't care if I ever had sex again. Everybody feels differently. We always had a great sex life and we were virgins the first time we had sex. After 43 years we talked and both feel our love is beyond sex. Not saying this is how everyone should feel, just how we feel. I hope something helps and you can get back to that wonderful sex life again. Good luck.

[Clair19 in reply to Selmac]

Congratulations on 43 years of marriage first off. I totally understand, I was married before and he passed away. I just married in 2010 and my husband is younger. He is very strong and supportive and positive.! I just feel bad for him because we were so active. However he’s not that young and I think he’s a little more sexual. So we will just take every day slow and steady. Thanks for responding.

[PatSailsbery]

Good question Clair19! We have been married 36 years and have always had an active sex life. Since my diagnosis with Stage 4 BC five-and-a-half years ago, I have either been too tired, feeling poorly or just not interested; that along with sex not being comfortable for me. My husband has been so patient and supportive. He is willing to take care of himself but prefers not. If he does, he insists on letting me know whenever it happens. I don't mind and it's a relief to me. That said, sex is about giving so if I am at all up to it, I will offer. Sometimes I just stimulate him by hand. When we do have intimacy, he knows it is painful for me and has had to learn to accept that it is my gift to him. He does so much for me and this is one small way I can give back to him. I feel very blessed to have such a wonderful, patient, giving husband. I can't give back much but that just makes it all that more special when I can.

[Clair19 in reply to PatSailsbery]

Thanks for being so honest. Yes same here with me telling him I’m going out make good use of your time. We have not been married well almost 8 years plus he’s younger. He’s very supportive and since he’s taking blood pressure pills Cilas has to be used. It is painful so yes we get creative as when I feel like it. We went from let’s go to the bedroom to let’s go to sleep.. But I’m glad you’re husband is supportive like mine. My husband however won’t let me know, I’m like I want you to and it’s not bothering me. And things I hope improve if not they don’t. I guess we all have more things to worry about.

[Merma]

It’s a tough issue for me too. I miss my old sex life and sexual feelings. Unfortunately, my husband still has the same level of desire. Also, sex is painful since menopause and chemo. We’re trying all sorts of lotions. Coconut oil seems to work best.

I’m glad you brought this up.

[Clair19 in reply to Merma]

Thanks glad to hear not just me. I have not been married even 8 years plus he’s 8 years younger. He has a very strong, well lots of energy.😁. Yes chemo makes it hard, thanks for the tip.

[Epinto]

I have been on this post for two years and have often wondered if anyone would ever talk about their sex life!!! Thanks all for being honest.

[Clair19 in reply to Epinto]

Well being married not quite 8 years and only 7 when I found out. I’m older than he is not like we are both spring chickens..😁 But I got up the nerve to ask because I had not seen anyone asking. I felt who best to ask, women going through mbc like me. I got some great input and feel better I’m way not alone. I think this is part of life and just hoping to get that part back soon. Good luck!

[JulSoul]

Hi Claire. Check out the taped webinar on Living Beyond Breast Cancer. There’s a presentation on Sex and intimacy. Did not listen to it yet, maybe some good information can be found there. I just listened to the conference that had a few topics regarding sex. It should be up soon on their web page.

[Clair19 in reply to JulSoul]

I will, another lady said she listened and it was great!

[lmcnally]

I couldn’t agree more!! Thank you so much for being vulnerable and talking about sex. I know it’s an issue for pretty much all of us. Living Beyond Breast Cancer had a webinar last week about this. I would recommend that everyone listen to it. There were several good tips from the doctor and 2 Women who shared their experiences. I personally feel sad that our sex life isn’t what it used to be and I often feel guilty for not being in the mood more often. I give my husband oral sex and I like to use a vibrator to help while we’re having sex and of course a good lubricant is a must.

[Clair19 in reply to lmcnally]

Well I was embarrassed to ask my oncologist, he’s from India and I don’t know how Buddhist would react. I ask him everything else, probably to much, but sex with my husband there would get embarrassed. So I figured I would ask women most likely going through the same thing. Everyone has helped me feel I’m not alone because for some reason you don’t know. I mean I know I don’t feel nearly as attractive... Hair thinner, skin drying up, that awful color to nails. However I was on 6 months IV Chemo Doxil. So I get to much Botox and a frozen face.🤪. Anyway I’m glad I’m here and finally 80 outside. I love summer, and swimming great therapy.

[MissyAnn68]

I think we are all in the same boat. Lots of good info from everyone.

[Clair19 in reply to MissyAnn68]

I agree don’t feel like such a failure.

[Epinto]

Let’s not give up on it yet! Many ways to still feel close and connected.

[Clair19 in reply to Epinto]

Very true. My second marriage we met on Match.com 8 years ago and I have 4 wonderful sister in laws and a Father in law. I have one son left so it was a blessing for my new husband and my Ohio family. They send me care packages and I have so many lotions, socks and what ever they throw in! My Mom and Dad both at 55 died of cancer, so I’m blessed for my new family. I know this disease is hard but things always could be worse as I have taken care of MS patients.

[blms]

OK, sorry I never responded before--life got a bit crazy around here. BUT, I am 68 years old and had a very active sex life throughout my years. Not to say that I have had any sex drive for the last 20 years since my original cancer, BUT all the same, we still mess around. My husband is 11 years younger than I am and he is interested and I honestly could care less. When he wants sex, he starts the ball rolling and is great at rubbing my off and I do come multiple times, then its his turn. Lately, I have been nervous about intercourse, not because I'm dry as Im not that bad but more because of bladder infections. Then I am concerned about my counts being low and maybe more susceptible to those bladder infections. Since I had bladder surgery for protapse, I NOW get infections that I never had in my life! So, that is annoying to me but here I am!! So, my question to all of you is do you find you get more bladder infections now or do you make your husband use a condom? Not sure what to think about all of this.

[Clair19 in reply to blms]

Thanks for sharing that, I know it’s personal stuff but what can get more personal than mbc. I have noticed I assume the hormones my orgasms are not as strong. My spine is painful so we have to be careful and that is oral. I imagine most men don’t mind that. I remember your husband is younger as mine almost 8 years. I have never had a UTI can you believe that? I have been lucky. I know things won’t be as they where but I’m hoping for a little better with time. Thanks

[Shelly265 in reply to blms]

Blms, I hear you on the bladder infection concern! I’m not sure what treatment you are on but I am currently taking the chemotherapy Doxil followed by a shot of Granix. Granix encourages your bone marrow to rapidly produce white blood cells since the chemotherapy destroys them. Since these shots I have had 0 bladder infections since my white count is now so high. I thought I would mention it to see if this could be a good treatment for you. Best of luck to you and take care!!!

[blms in reply to Shelly265]

Don’t think that will Matter fir me or am I a candidates fir the shot.

I have had bladder infections only since my bladder surgery with a form of mesh put in for surgery and now bacteria. Gets in there and I gave had infections for the first time in 64 years. Now it seems when in have intercourse I have an infection in a few days. So because of Ibrance and counts, I worry more. Any ideas??

[Shelly265 in reply to blms]

I have a couple of ideas for you. Before my Granix shots I was using a liquid supplement called St. Francis Herb Farm Deep Immune Tincture that I bought on Amazon. I put about 3 ml in an 8 oz glass of water and drank that twice a day. This was working quite well for me before I got the shots. I ran the active ingredient by my Oncologist and he was ok with it but you may want to do the same. Before that, my primary care Dr. prescribed an antibiotic to be taken as a prophylactic for UTIs before or right after intercourse. This helped as well! Best of luck to you!

[blms in reply to Shelly265]

Yes, I was 50 mg of nitrofuran for immediately after six. I’m dictating in my phone tonight if you’re on does not spell properly. But at this point since we are on the strong drugs I prefer not to take an anabiotic at any time unless I really have to. I don’t want my body to get immune to them and then when I need them I can’t use them.

So I’m looking for more Natural pathic solution

[Clair19 in reply to Shelly265]

I wonder why my oncologist would not give me Granix instead of being of Ibrance. I also took Doxil but did not have wbc programs. Is it only used for IV therapy? How long have you been on Doxil? I did 6 months last 3 not bad. Good luck 👍

[Clair19 in reply to Shelly265]

Never mind it’s for IV Chemo and I had no problems with Doxil. Ibrance you take daily can’t take that shot daily. But great info.

[blms]

Surfacely, I’m thinking that your climax intensity issue is probably more because the pain in your spine then it is any medication or anything else.

[Clair19 in reply to blms]

I never thought of that and I’m a Nurse. Yeah I take Morphine but very little. Only 2.5 ml in 24 hrs. It’s liquid and It does help. I want to get around good, travel, and yard work so I need it. I have friends who just have back pain and take way more medicine than me. I think when you have mbc they are scared you’ll overdose? I don’t understand that, as we fight to hard to stay alive why overdose?

[SeattleMom]

LOL! No offense taken whatsoever, Clair! That happened to me at about the time of menopause (was that a play on words for "pause for men?" I used to wonder if that was a part of life that God didn't quite get right; were women just created for procreation? While our "useful" function in procreation ends at around 50, so does our sex drive. But men? Both continue ad infinitum. LOL! I never attempted any libido drugs for fear of messing with my hormones. Ah! Life!

[Clair19 in reply to SeattleMom]

That’s a great line, a pause for men!! You need to market that. I know you are right and even have drugs to help them achieve there goal, no fair what so ever! With my husband I will have to be 💯 before he stops. We have a little on going joke but I better leave it for now... Thanks for your wonderful message I had to share with my husband. He laughed!

[BeckyHobson]

Oh my gosh :-). No Offense taken at all!! Completely normal unfortunately

[Cheza11]

Hello ladies,

I have just started to research this topic since my MBC is now stable after my first year of treatment. I am in my forties and single. Intimacy through sexual interaction is still important to me.

There are a couple of things I am looking into for the vaginal pain. First, they have suggested dilators which you use 3-4 times a week until you can move up to the next size. Once you've desensitized they say you should be able to have sex. The second is a procedure called Mona Lisa which is a CO2 laser that is used vaginally. It is pretty expensive but it is supposed to restore moisture as well as size.

The whole thing really sucks actually. I began writing this to try to share things that help. Now I feel how sad I am that I have to go through all of this.

Signing off. Goodnight.

[blms in reply to Cheza11]

Wow great info about possible treatments! I know you are young, I was when cancer first came as well. But maybe thinking of it this way—as all women get older this is an issue!

Also try using olive oil or avacado oils before intercourse! It works wonders!!

[Shelly265]

Thank you for bringing this subject up! My husband and I haven’t been intimate in well over 2 years, we have been married for 18. I am 51 and he is 52. To be quite honest I don’t miss it! I was a virgin when we married and was plagued by bladder infections when we were intimate. Now, sex is very painful with all the hormonal changes we have all gone through. He is very supportive and tells me not to worry about it. I guess I couldn’t blame him if he were to be unfaithful but at this point I have bigger things to worry about. I know that the respect we have for each other keeps him faithful. I wish the very best for you!

[Clair19 in reply to Shelly265]

Oh please don’t say that about him being unfaithful. Sounds like he Loves you very much. Hey my husband is bi-polar and very sexual. I know he loves me and I had thought that for a minute. Yes we do have more to worry about but I guess you can be close in other ways. I just asked wondering if it was a problem for others with mbc. I was younger too when I was stage 2 stayed for 17 years. I definitely was not a virgin, my husband was when he first got married. My first husband passed away so we met in 2010. Got married, and last year this. I wish you the best. Thanks!

[Shelly265 in reply to Clair19]

Sorry Clair, I didn’t mean to alarm you with my comment! I know my husband loves me and cares, I guess it’s my way of dealing with the issue by putting up a c’est la vie attitude. Please take care and I hope everything works out for you!

[Shelly265-Husband in reply to Clair19]

Thank you for defending me, Clair19. Please go here and look for my reply. I explain Shelly265's affair.

healthunlocked.com/mymsaa/p...

Look for my user name and you'll see a long reply from me.

[Shelly265-Husband in reply to Shelly265]

Shelly265 was not faithful to me. See:

healthunlocked.com/mymsaa/p...

[Winlynn]

You have received some great replies.

But I would be remiss to not bring to everyone's attention, that while rare men also get breast cancer. I met a man last year how was fighting metastatic breast cancer.

[Clair19 in reply to Winlynn]

Yes I know they do. However very rare for men they can get B/C. Unfortunately women are 99.9 percent to get versus men. Thanks

[My3girls]

Thank you for bringing up this topic, i have wondered if it was just me. I'm 44 was 41 when diagnosed and sex is extremely painful, my husband is 45 and doesn't pressure me but i feel really bad for him we had a very active sex life before.

[Clair19 in reply to My3girls]

Wow your young, I will just say I’m older. My husband is 8 years younger than me so I feel bad too. We had a very active sex life from the time we met. Been married 8 years 1 year post mbc.. This sucks and I’m just like don’t touch me but don’t say that. He’s been very supportive but he has always been very sexual. Have you tried instead of traditional intercourse mostly just oral where it won’t hurt. I got some good advice from women on this site. I don’t know what you can do but you know men always like oral. I know on YouTube they have videos just for women going through mbc and sex. Good luck to you! I always have a glass of wine to help loosen my spine and head.