How to Emotionally Prepare for Surgery

[MelissaEppardCoach]

A few years ago, a friend preparing for her double mastectomy asked me, “𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝗱𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗲𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘀𝘂𝗿𝗴𝗲𝗿𝘆?”

This is a great question. Here are some things that helped me:

1. Take photos. You could schedule a photo shoot or have someone close to you take a few pictures. My before pictures were just for me, a way to remember what my breasts looked like before the double mastectomy. There is so much feeling in my face and eyes.

2. Write and write and write and write. This was a huge tool of processing what was happening to me. Try writing a love letter to your afflicted body part. Try writing a letter from the perspective of your body part. I wrote a dialogue one time where I was having a conversation with my breasts. It was intense, but opened up a well of feeling that needed to come up to the surface. Then there is my blog MelissasHealingHope. Writing my blog served two purposes initially. It was a lifeline to my family and friends, so they could stay informed about what was happening with me, and afforded me a privacy buffer. It also served as a pressure release valve and way of helping my mind assimilate what was happening. I wouldn’t just write a blog post and be done. I would write it and read it over and over a dozen times. Each time I read it, a layer of stress and pain would discharge, would soften and release, little by little.

3. Let it OUT! Break sticks, throw rocks into a stream or river, scream into a pillow, cry until you are red and snotty. My default mode is to get busy, to get into problem solving mode. This is helpful to a degree, but is also a very clever way to avoid dealing with your feelings. Make time for these feelings to come up, knowing you won’t get lost in the void. I once described to a friend my fear of falling down the rabbit hole of emotion, that I would never be able to get back out. I promise you will not get lost. You will find yourself. As an added bonus, after a good cry, there is the temporary endorphin rush, a calm euphoria that will settle around you.

4. Have a small party, ceremony or ritual. The night before my first surgery, I gathered with a few of my closest girlfriends for a “Farewell to Nursies” party. (My little boy had affectionately named my breasts, “Nursies” when he was a baby.) We shared a potluck, and everyone wrote their good thoughts, prayers and wishes for me on beautiful little squares of colored paper. I brought them with me to the hospital and had them to read again later while healing from surgery and going through chemo. My girlfriends made a gorgeous healing totem for me, by attaching beautiful stones, crystals and trinkets onto an embroidered belt. I hung this in my bedroom so I could see it while resting after the surgery. My favorite part was when my girlfriends surrounded me, put their hands on me, gently rubbed my head and arms, and held my hands. They prayed around me quietly, infusing all their love and good intentions for a successful surgery and held a vision of my ultimate healing.

5. Simplify your life. Be kind to yourself and take time. You know that saying, “One step forward, two steps back”? If you rush the healing process, you are only going to make things harder. If you have ever prepared for childbirth, think about the way that you insulated your life, slowed down and made time for a “babymoon” period. Your healing is going to be like this. It is nice to have a vague idea that in 2 weeks or 6 weeks or 3 months, you’ll be back to doing x, y, and z. But stay present to now. Now is not the time to be leaning forward, putting unrealistic expectations on yourself. You will not be the same, but there will be a new normal, and that will change as time goes on. Start now to make way for this quieter time, allow yourself to rest and prepare for your best possible healing.

The things that brought me healing and comfort did so, because they spoke to who I am. Do what is right for you. Most importantly, finding the people, practices, activities and rituals that speak to you, that give you grounding and meaning is the place to start.

I would love to hear in the comments WHAT HELPED YOU? How do you prepare yourself emotionally for surgery or a medical procedure? We are here to support each other in our healing and growth, and your feedback might be exactly what someone else needs on their road to healing.

I wish you inner peace, and to be surrounded by calm and circles of support, and I'm holding a vision for your greatest good! <3

-Melissa Eppard

Melissa Eppard is a certified Life Coach, writer, breast cancer thriver, explant warrior, and flat activist. She uses her personal and professional experiences to help women get their sexy back after cancer so they can move forward with less fear, make peace with their bodies and reclaim the fullness of life. She uses guided visualization, mindfulness tools, embodiment practices, and EFT Tapping to empower her clients. She lives and works in Kingston, NY and offers long distance sessions as well.

[felicitea]

Thank you for sharing this- my double mastectomy is in 5 weeks & this is just what I needed to read right now. All wonderful suggestions and very appreciated.

[Mmnyc in reply to felicitea]

Felicitea,

All the best to you and I hope you have a quick recuperation.

[MelissaEppardCoach in reply to felicitea]

You're very welcome! Wishing you lots of ease and support so you can have the spaciousness to heal well! <3

[Mmnyc]

For me it was very important I left everything ready before my mastectomy. I made sure apartment was cleaned, bills paid, laundry done, fridge full to max, and everything related my my young daughter done ( I had to get outfits ready for her for 2 weeks since I knew I couldn’t take care of her). Also make sure you have enough button down shirts, you will need them.

Emotionally the thought ‘I’m going to get a mastectomy’ was so overwhelming that I only thought about it at night and very rarely in the daytime (if a coworker reminded me). I was lucky that I had my work as a distraction.

I did write in my journal when I felt overwhelmed and spoke to god all the time. I prayed that I would come out if it better and prayed for a quick recuperation.

I also took pics of my breasts. My breasts were so beautiful and I wanted to remember them and would like to show my daughter when she’s a woman. I want to show her that it is possible to have a mastectomy and be happy. A mastectomy is not a dead end. My plastic surgeon is going to do his best to make my new breasts look ‘normal’ . I had my reconstruction surgery last week and I’m happy with the results. One more surgery to go! 👍🏼

To anyone having a mastectomy you will get through this!

[MelissaEppardCoach in reply to Mmnyc]

I love that idea, "a mastectomy is not a dead end". So true! Thanks for sharing what helped you through.