I've been a part of this group for almost a month now, and when I joined I was feeling extremely down, not knowing what to do, fueled with anger, depression, sadness... This group helped me realized that I am not alone, these feelings are expected when we go through trauma, and it's ok to feel them. We are not "abnormal" we are just survivors of our own traumas.I've been seeing my therapist for almost a year now and things are finally starting to make sense to me.
Don't get me wrong, I still have plenty of bad days, "episodes" of anger and sadness, but I'm finally starting to feel better.
I was sexually abused since I was 6 until 15 by 2 family members, I was raised by a mother that cared about everything and everyone's opinions but me. She always said: "Don't tell our secrets to anyone, pretend that everything is ok" well... I did, for over 20 years I hide everything that happened to me.
I almost took my life twice a few years ago, and I always thought I was so weak for not being able to actually do it, but now I see that I'm not, I'm not weak, I'm not a victim, I am a SURVIVOR!!
Most people wouldn't be able to go through what happened to me, I have so many bad memories that even though I've been seeing my therapist for almost a year I haven't even had the time to told her everything, it's just a lot, but here I am, I am finally starting to see a light.
I became a mom a year ago, and I was battle with PTSD together with PPD, all that while trying to raise my baby and still be able to keep my marriage.
Today I made a decision, I will get a divorce, my partner always, always chooses HIS family, over OUR family and I cannot tolerate that anymore.
I want the best for my daughter, I want her to see how a man is suppose to treat a woman, how love is, how a good marriage looks like.
I will be moving out back to my country in a few months, I will not have a house, I'll probably have to rent one, no car, no job, no nothing, only me and my daughter, but somehow I know we will be ok.
This was a very hard decision to made, but I and my daughter cannot continue to be a 2nd option, I could stay with my husband and live with a lot of money, a big house, and a easier life, but I wouldn't be happy or my daughter in the future, that's why I made this decision.
Somehow I will find the strength in me to fight and continue, I know I will and that's why I wanted to do this post, if I can, all of you also can!!
Prioritize yourself and always but always choose your happiness and peace.
Remember: You are not a victim, you are a SURVIVOR!!
