Dad wants to die.

[HannahDaykin]

Somebody came round to pray for Dad and asked if there was anything he wanted her to pray for. He mumbled he was ready and wanted God's will to be done.

Wow.

[hmfsli]

Hi Hannah,

Wow indeed. That's difficult to deal with. I hope you get a chance to talk to your Dad and explore what he meant by that somehow.

I have a friend at church who is 93 and who sometimes says she doesn't know why she is still here and that she is ready to go. I always tell her God must have a reason why He still wants her to be here.

Thinking of you and praying for you all

hmfsli

[maggieh]

Hello Hannah,

Just noticed your latest posting. Oh dear, it is sad when you hear your loved one saying they want to die. But, you know, put yourself in their shoes- you would feel the same wouldn't you? All I can suggest is try and make a jokey thing of it if you can. Say, "Hey Dad don't you get poppping your clogs just yet you know!" or something like that. I remember once, after Julie Walters had been in that drama about Dr Ann Taylor who had PSP, 'A Short Stay in Switzerland'. I was talking to my dear husband Richard about it. He was in his care home but had stayed awake to watch. I was surprised to hear he had but I then asked him "So if we could have afforded it, would you have liked to have had an assisted suicide?" "Yeeeessss!" he growled in his flat, monotone voice. "Pity then, cus we aint got no money"I laughed. He chuckled too. Then I said, "I could always do it on the cheap if you like. Would you like me to put a cushion over your face and sit on it!" He roared with cheeky laughter at this and his dark mood was gone!

About twelve months later. When he was looking particularly down, I caught him staring out over the garden, through the window of his room. He looked so sad, and so poorly. I stopped my ironing, went over and wrapped my arms around his neck.(He had lost all speech by now) "What's up? I asked. "Are you fed up?" "Have you had enough?" "Are you scared?", "Do you want to die?" (Sorry, but Richard and I were always straight talkers). He put his two thumbs up to indicate to me that YES he wanted to die. We both cried and cried and I sat on his lap in his wheelchair. It was one of our saddest moments. But then, in a minute I jumped up and said, "Well you can't die just yet Richard - it's nearly lunch-time and then we're off to Tescos!" Within minutes the mood was broken and he'd forgotten all about it. I found with Richard, he could forget very quickly things that had been discussed and talked about ten minutes or so before. It was as if it was simply too much for the brain to retain recent memory for long. Hope your dad is the same.

Is your dad taking any sedatives/anti-depressants? Richard was on a low dose of Citalopram and these seemed to take the edge off things and really helped. I am sure your dad's GP has already suggested something like these though?

Hope I have made you chuckle a little bit. You know Hannah there's isn't a great deal we can do as PSP progfresses, except show them we love them, make them as comfortable as possible and also try and understand how they are feeling then lift their mood in some way, if it's possible.

It's so hard on you though, I can tell by your postings. Try and stay strong, we are all thinking of you. Keep us informed.

Love Maggie x

[SuzieQ]

Keep smiling, Hannah. It's what your dad wants to see, I'm sure. You are doing a wonderful job in sharing the care of your dad. We haven't got to the stage you are at yet, but you are young and you WILL get through this. Your dad must be very proud of you.

Take care, lovely girl.

SuzieQ xxx

[Kathy]

Dear Hannah,

I know it's hard for you right now, I've read your last few posts and struggled to know what to say. I think it sounds like your Dad has prepared himself and is ready to let go. He sounds like a wonderful, brave man and you'll miss him dreadfully but, trite as is sounds, time really is a great healer, and you'll find you remember the happy times. I once heard someone say that true immortality comes from being kept alive in the memory of our loved ones.

Be brave, take every opportunity you have to tell your Dad you love him and remember we're here if you need us

BIG HUGS for you and Dad

lots of love

Kathy x

[jillannf6 in reply to Kathy]

dear hannah kathy maggie and all

Just heen readign the sad blog from hannah and your answers]

It is all so true what u all say and each one of us has 2 deal wiht the person and situaion as it is for them and us

i agree with the "wanting to die when i can no olnger do anything for rmyself "scenario bu tless easily with the when and ho:w )financial & other implications)

havign suffered depression msot o f my adutl life i am now much more psotive then i ahve ever been = i am on a low antipresssant dose and have coped iwth the diagnosis with the "que sera " what will eb willl be even though i dread the ending and how htat might be for me)i feeel i am nowhere near that stage yet and have some more good times ahead today and tomorrow

Which is all one ever has at age 65 really

just try to stay strong for you rdad and just lusten w2 what he is trying to say to you

i i know ypu want 2 cry - well just do with him if need be

love JIll xxx

[LesleyB]

Hi Hannah

It is so hard to hear your loved ones say this. Its a terrible feeling for yourl particularly when you aren't ready for them to go yet. You'll be aware that this is what he may want but in the meantime you'll carry on loving and caring for him and doing all the things you are doing for him now.

I remember in one of your previous blogs you said you had laughed with your dad about one of your old stories that you had shared with a friend. I am sure more of this would lighten his mood and also help you both remember happy funny moments. It used to help me doing this. Like Maggie H I used to make comments with dad and certainly one time told him 'do you know how much this place is costing? You're not going anywhere yet, you'll get your monies worth out of it' He just smiled and nodded and then I asked him if he wanted a yogurt and we moved on.

My thoughts and wishes are with you Hannah, I wish I could do more. Take care of yourself. Lots of hugs

Lesley x

[Jan_K]

What lovely comments! Bless you Hannah, and everyone else,it must be very hard for you. Not got to that stage yet but I know we will. All your comments and advice are helping me to prepare.

Thinking of you xx

[PSPA_JillL]

Coming to terms with PSP is very hard and it is good to see you supporting each other on here, if you need someone to talk to you can phone your PSP nurse and talk to your GP about being refered to the hospice/ palliative care team who are skilled in supporting people with life limiting conditions.