Sometimes, I find it difficult how to encapsulate the breadth and depth of my loss of my forever love–Trish. I found them in a post someone shared. These are not my words–I wish they were; however, they are my feelings, and that of millions of others who have experienced the loss of a loved one.
You Don’t Just Lose Someone Once
You lose them over and over, sometimes many times a day.
When the loss, momentarily forgotten, creeps up and attacks you from behind.
Fresh waves of grief as the realisation hits home they are gone. Again.
You don’t just lose someone once; you lose them every time you open your eyes to a new dawn, and as you awaken, so does your memory, so does the jolting bolt of lightning that rips into your heart. They are gone. Again.
Losing someone is a journey, not a one-off.
There is no end to the loss, there is only a learned skill on how to stay afloat when it washes over.
Be kind to those who are sailing this stormy sea, they have a journey ahead of them, and a daily shock to the system each time they realise they are gone. Again.
You don’t just lose someone once; you lose them every day, for a lifetime.
Tim x
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daddyt
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Says it so well Tim. It's still true for me after 4 years. The pandemic has made it much worse and my heart goes out to those caring for and losing their loved one in these difficult times. Big hug for you Tim - virtual hugs are still allowed. Love Jean
These words are so true. I had a really bad day last Friday I was sat finishing a throw I made for my Granddaughter and the tears wouldn't stop flowing evry song that was playing brought different memories of Steve 😥.The sleepless nights are the worse when all you need is to cuddle them so here is a virtual hug Daddy T 🤗.Wishing you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year 🎄.Remember be kind to yourself only you knows what you are going through 😘
Middle of the night, four and a half years on, and I still feel it. Those are true words
If we are lucky enough to have people to love, we risk the pain of surviving them, and life becomes an accumulating record of loss. So I guess we try to celebrate their lives and the love we carry along with the pain. We go on at least in part to spare those that love us. But it’s hard.
Thanks, Tim. Sending hugs. I am sorry for your terrible losses. Love, Sarah
I was listening to an "On Being" podcast in the early hours today. Krista Tibbett is the host; it was a public radio show originally. She was speaking with a guest called Katherine May, who writes about "Wintering." It's beautiful and true and comforting. I recommend the podcast in general and this one particularly.
On Being is such a fantastic, comforting resource for anyone who is grieving or caregiving. YOu can even search for episodes using the search word grief or caregiver. onbeing.org/blog/tag/grief/
"You don't just lose someone once; you lose them every day, for a lifetime."
Words that contain sadness, full of satisfaction and gratitude, because they contain a story that was worth living.
With loving and proud sadness is neccessary to move on. There is work that remains to be done, that needs to be done, by those who remain on this side of the river.
Thank you for sharing this. It is so true and especially those who are losing or have lost loved ones to PSP. The daily drip, drip as their lives seep away until they are no more is so painful, but you can't show that pain as you need to be strong for them.
I'm coming up to the second anniversary of Chris' death at Christmas, the day after Boxing Day and view the festivities with very mixed feelings. Christmas was always so joyous for us as our daughter was born on Christmas day, a double celebration. Her father-in-law died on the 27th Dec 2016 and then her father on the same day in 2019. Almost as though they hung on until after the festivities.
At least, all being well, I will be able to spend this Christmas with my son and his family in Derbyshire. The Covid restrictions made that impossible last year for us and so many more.
So thank you again Tim for sharing this with us and sending you a huge cyber hug.
Hugs to you Tim. Words that are so true. You actually start to lose them before they pass. I am starting to dream more of how Mike was about 6yrs ago and beyond. Now, no more hugs from him....very little words. I see him every day but it is less and less the Mike I knew. Sometimes when I awaken in the night I feel he is beside me; but he is not, he is in a hospital bed just outside my door.You don't just lose someone once....this horrible disease makes you lose them continuously, every day, and then forever and ever....
God Bless all who have endured and are enduring the loss of their love one. Our lives will never be the same.....
yes, true, the loss begins early with this terrible disease and those like it. So sorry for what you are going through. I regret every chance for a hug I didn't take and am grateful for the memories of every one I had.
Ugh, I feel this so acutely. I'm still getting hugs, or taking hugs, from my husband, but the speaking is gone, leaving a big hole and a giant full stop to our conversational relationship. He's currently in a hospice bed waiting to come home if and when we can get some extra caregivers, and a hospital bed, in place. I feel like busting him out sometimes and driving away into the sunset or clear up to Scotland, his favorite place, just me and him, but I know the care involved would burn me out quickly and my brain is clouded with romantic, magical thinking. He is suffering. And the past is really all we have left to cling to. I'm saying goodbye every day.
Hi Tim, you really know how to hit the nail on the head, don’t you! In the nicest possible way. It five years for me on the 28th. So December is always pretty bad, going back what was happening, this time 5 years ago. The pain never goes away. Yes, I have lost Steve a millions times this month alone. Even though life has found a new meaning for me, I still lose him every day. I suppose the thing I would like to add, each morning I put my swimming arm bands on and learn to swim all over again. It takes less time these days before I can swim alone, some days I can even do a bit of doggy paddle straight away. Others, I am still capable of drowning come midnight, but I have learnt, that it is possible to survive.
Sending a very big hug and much love
Lots of love
Anne
P.S. it’s been lovely to see that others from my dark days are still here reading. Love to you all.
Thank you Tim for sharing. The words encapsulate my feelings. The 1st anniversary of my wife Rosalind's passing approaches, but in truth every day is an "anniverary". Waking in the night, as others experience unable to get back to sleep, is still too common. Covid, without family near, increases the isolation & sadness.
BIG HUG!!! May today be a day of joyful reflection as you feel the love of virtual hugs . Yours is a double whammy-your lose of the love of your life and coping with your own disorder. I hope you have family and friends to support you in person.
The words are so true Tim. My husband Will passed away 2 years now on 7 Dec and I miss him every single day. The tears still comes when a memory creeps up from behind unexpectedly but I’m glad we made those memories together.
Sending you a big hug Tim ( ) and lots of love, Nanny857xx
Hi Tim, I don’t often post here now but your message really resonated with me. Grief never leaves but changes, you never get over losing some one you loved but get through it day by day. Grief is love and the feeling the emotion of not having that special someone anymore. Sending love. Kate xxx
Thank you Kate. Grief is never easy. I find Christmas especially hard. The damndemic exacerbates the loss when you can't hug or hold on to someone you love.
Hi daddyt I am here doing my best to care for & support my husband Bob on our journey with PSP.We have no road map & are constantly encountering new road blocks that we have to negotiate & adjust to regularly. Mostly we manage but sometimes I feel that I'm not up to the challenge; then recently, someone, mostly my wonderful neighbours, are there with a hug & offers of help & support, then I'm able to climb back up again to carry on.
Such support is a completely new experience for me which I am learning to embrace.
Not being alone having to deal with everything has been a revelation which I welcome. The loving kindness of others has given me new strength to continue & lessened the sense of isolation for both Bob & myself.
I only hope that others who are grappling with such degenerative conditions are as fortunate as us.
Our daily struggle can be eased when we let others in.
We have not reached he end of the road yet but I hope I will gain strength from your sentiments when the time comes daddyt.
Sending love & support to all struggling in such circumstances. Janxx
My wife passed away 7 weeks ago at home after 12 years of caring for her and living with fFTD/PSP The words in your post explain it all when someone asks 'how are you' No one understands unless they've been on a similar journey. My stomach and breathing are all over the place.
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