Hello
Has anyone experienced very aggressive behaviour and nasty words from their loved ones? My husband presses my arms so tightly it really hurts and has twice tried to squeeze my throat. Very upsetting but I tell him PSP man does this my man is the one who gives cuddles?
Hi, 2vonnie - I didn't experience this but many here have reported behavior like your husband's, sorry to say. It must be awful. My guy would lock onto my hands in a very painful grip and not be able to let go, which was bad enough, but that is different, I think. When he didn't know me he generally seemed to think I was someone who was working for him at the Wildlife Department, and was never discourteous.
I hope this phase passes soon for you.
Peace, Ec
Hi ec... I've never picked up on this before, did your man go through a period of not knowing who you were ?
It was intermittent. Sometimes it seemed he was in a waking dream and reality couldn't get through.
Hi 2vonnie
My Liz was never physically aggressive, but she did passive aggression, massively. After over a year and a half of her denying it she one day said, "Yes, I am very angry." Passive aggression does not sound much, but it was devastating because sometimes it was all day every day. And, in between that she was her loving self. With others she was very courteous and charming and the carers really liked her. Sometimes a Sister would visit and the moment the front door closed on their leaving she would start up.
Yes, it is PSP. It's not some hidden part of their personality coming out so to speak. Just PSP and the result of a damaged brain.
We called it 'bad Lizzie'. Sometimes she would get upset and cry and say, "How can I stop bad Lizzie? I hate being her."
Apart from the obvious thing of personal safety do have a weather eye to your own emotional strength. I found it wore me into the ground. And, every morning I would get up and steel myself to provide the best care I could against the onslaught. Sometimes almost through the tears.
You need to be able to continue caring and for that you will likely need as much practical support you can. Do you have carers to take some of the pressure off? Are you able to get some time each week to yourself?
My heart goes out to you both.
Warmly
Kevin
My husband was very aggressive at the beginning, he would squeeze my arm out my hand, pinch me, it was a very difficult time, he would verbally be horrible, when I got upset he would say I am crying inside, and laugh when I was upset. Now he is quite , talks when he wants, which is not often, in a wheelchair all the time, he use to say I told the doctor he had psp. He is bad now, but I would hate to relive that time. Yvonne xxxxx
Strength to you, Kevin! It amazes me how you keep going! Love to Liz too!
Hugs
Jen xxx xxx
Thanks Jen
I guess we have little choice.
How are things going for you these days?
Hugs
Kevin
xx
Think I am making forward progress finally. Focusing on the 'now' and future rather in past, but still can't let go of this site!
Hope to find courage to move house next year. Have been here for 48 years so will be a wrench!
Hugs
Jen xxx
Hi Jen
That's a big step. Strength to you. Will you still be in your community or are you moving to a new area?
I dread the final loosing of Liz. We moved to this house in preparation for our retirement - albeit five years ahead. We threw our hearts into making a comfortable simple home and a peaceful garden with water cascades into wildlife ponds etc. It seems so empty without her here. I guess that is what you are facing, but much more so.
I hope you have family around you.
Its nice you're still around.
Hugs
Kevin
xx
Dear Kevin,
We did too. This was our retirement house and filled with our favorite things. Now I will probably have to leave it when he passes.
I know how you feel!
Cuttercat
David never got aggressive, but he did do the vice like grip without being able to let go.
I used to stand in front of him in the chair and lean down arms wide to hug, and he used to lift his arms and hug me back by holding my upper arms as I was leaning in. Of course he promptly gripped much tighter than he meant to and it hurt, but I know he didn't mean it, and just couldn't let go.
He never once made an aggressive move, but I have heard of it happening.
Sorry if this sounds flippant, it isn't meant to, but when he grips your throat, is he trying to put his arms round your neck to hug and getting it wrong and can't release ?
My man had CBD and was verbally aggressive. He stopped in mid-sentence one day after I was critical of how he was doing the job. He often did things 'differently'. After that we had very few outbursts. He had been quick tempered all time I have known him, so the 'stop' was far more noticeable than the 'start'.
Hope the aggressive period will soon fade away.
Hugs
Jen xxx
Mine was certain i was cheating on him with a marine. He would yell, grab my arms and shake his fist at me. This period lasted About a year. There was nothing I could do or say to make him believe otherwise. It
Was a very hard time for both of us.
Thanks very much for all responses. His voice had all but gone but now it's come back and this mild manored guy is saying really nasty things. Most times he'll tell me he's sorry later and get upset, but in the moment it's very hard. He lives in a nursing home but is in hospital and about to have a PEG fitted.
This horrendous disease takes so much from all of us
Best wishes to all on our journey
Deep breath and carry on............
Sadly my husbsnd has become quite aggressive. Years before diagnosis he used to punch or kick in his sleep. Docs refer to his as a R.E.M. sleep disorder I think. Before diagnosis we spent 10 months seeing a couples counsellor trying to deal with the nastiness. & verbal aggression. My husband became quite paranoid. 3 months after diagnosis he hit me for the first time we’ve were in a cafe with my mom and son and the waiter was slow then brought our drinks before his - he punched me - I was devastated as was my mother and 15 year old son. It took about 2 years for me to learn how to manage the aggresion with many slaps and punches in between. Now I can spot the warning signs and will tell my husband I am walking away because the PSP gremlin is out. I get an occasional pinch and the grip in my arm I think most carers seem to report now.
I told the GP who referred us to the Hospice the counsellor there is really helpful.
Please look for help for yourself and your husband. For me the psychological side of PSP has been the toughest but with help we have learned how to manage the gremlin.
Take care of yourself
Love Tippy
Hi, Yes in the early days before my husband's diagnosis was confirmed as PSP (and not FTD) he was aggressive. The Consultant put him onto Lamotrigine, normally used in Epilepsy but reduced the aggression and his altered behaviors. My darling man was NEVER aggressive, he was the kindest of men. It might be worth discussing with your GP if things don't calm. Regarding gripping tightly, this is part of PSP, I just use patience and soothing words to encourage him to let go of me, the equipment etc.
One of the carers who came in every day called it the Claw.... It was rite of passage for all new carers... Have you had the claw yet ? 😄
sorry for this.. i remember reading somewhere (maybe here) how a carer's husband would grab her arm so hard she had to hit him to let him go... another time he hit her (headbutted maybe) on her nose and broke it
some patients can get violent, though my own dad didn't - he would sometimes say nasty things to my mom and later to me when i became his carer - though at other times he would realize and/or remember and indicate affection
Yes,my father is aggressive both verbally and physically with my mother and us kids. We basically ignore the verbal as we know he is expressing his anger and frustration, we just happen to be in the path. The physical at this point is almost unnoticeable as dad is so week you can barely tell. Occasionally he gets a good kick into the shin which catches you by surprise, most of the time he doesn't have the strength to cause any pain. At this point all we do is smile and shake our head as it's so crazy that funny. Laugh or cry, what other choice do you we have.
Dad can also be passive aggressive. We he is having a "tantrum", he will purposely spill his drink, "throw" his comb, napkin, or whatever he can get his hand onto the floor. This usually happens when you are in thei middle of something, bathroom, cooking, ect, and can't respond to him immediately
In my group of caregivers we have been told that patients with a neurological disease type (and in general those diseases with a very long duration) usually discharge their frustrations in the closest person with daily contact: the main caregiver and the other caregivers.
On the other hand, it is usually pleasant and positive with visits or relatives who do not live with the patient.
The patient may have violent episodes, both active and passive. My monitor for caregivers recommend NOT to confront, to separate us and to talk later with the patient exposing the reality and feelings of the people attacked.
It is positive that the patient detects in some way that we are upset and why.
It is not uncommon for caregivers to suffer temptations of violence. My monitor for caregivers recommend us to go away, take a long walk before returning to take care again the patient.
Hoping to be usefull
Unfortunately I can't walk away because he would fall over 😔
Hi 2vonnie.
Let me this comment:
Releasing the caregiver and allowing him/her to have life outside the home as well as to avoid strong or continuous physical and psychic efforts is fundamental. The main caregiver of a PSP patient is progressively taking additional tasks. To the personal previous work (when the disease had not been shown), must be added the work formerly done by the PSP patient, plus the management of the illness and the guidance of people who share the help team. A special and continous attention must be directed to the main caregiver and his/her medical history.
The bottom paragraph isto remember that the main caregiver jobs and occupations grow at the same time as age..... without an important help is very difficult to carry out all these activities without suffer a severe wear down.
From my experience and also from my group of caregivers it is essential to find efficient help that allows areas of freedom and leisure as well as vacation periods for the caregivers, far away from the PSP problems. At least, a week of holidays each six month is advisable.
Hugs.
Luis
Yes yes yes. This is the disease. My husband's angry outbursts and hurtful words were hus first symptom they do get better....but the other symptoms get worse.
Hello 2vonnie,
Valerie has behaved like this before but I found that it usually occurred when she had a UTI. Could it be that simple ?
I've only posted once before being fairly computer illiterate but can identify with most of you lovely people.
Bryan
When I was my dad's carer he never was aggressive toward me. He seemed to lash out at my teenage son though. To the point where I would have to intervene. To my knowledge he has not been aggressive toward any of his carers at the nursing home. Looking back, before we noticed any other symptoms, I do remember that he developed road rage. Completely out of character for him. The kind of guy who would never hurt a fly. Is this a result of frustration or is this degeneration to the part of the brain that controls emotion? Maybe both!
I think the disease first.....the frustration second. I live it and witnessed such ridiculous road rage with steve and anger towards wait staff in restaurants! I would have to go explain to them he couldnt help it. Embarrassing....but they were always extremely understanding. Slipping an extra fat tip helped too. Lol
Yes, Yes, Yes!! I get the hand squeezes that grips so tight he could break my hands. Very scary. He also starts with the nasty words at bedtime. Other than that he's pretty good but going forward I think about this and what's to be done.
Cuttercat
Result of thinking about CHC funding assessment
New Stage
MY DAD
