Yes even in the darkest times there is always a chink of light so I think it is beholden of me to tell you of my exploits on a mobility scooter . There is a man in our village called Bob - he is a veritable mountain of a man , not just tall but wide with it , with an enormous barrel chest which erupts with Vesuvious like rumblings every time he speaks . Every word is punctuated with gurgling coughs and much spluttering .He peers down at one rather like a giant gazing at a dwarf with a cigaret clamped firmly between teeth gapped gums . I had noticed some time ago that there was a mobility scooter parked outside his house but had since vanished so I knocked on his door and asked if he still had it and if so could I borrow it . "Umph ,splutter ,gurgle , yes dear boy, cough ,splutter but batteries knackered " We agreed that if I replaced the batteries then it was mine for as long as I needed it .
Well I have to tell you this machine is the formula one of mobility scooters . None of your sedate situp and beg machines you see round the shops in Exeter 0-8mph in 0.1 seconds I swear it .Unfortunately this has it drawbacks . To get into our courtyard I have to come up an incline which means using full power . When I get to the front door I dismount , no that's a horse , I get off ,milk clutched under one arm newspaper firmly clenched between my teeth totally forgetting to turn the speed down . So the next time I use the machine I push the reverse gear leaver and find myself hurtling backwards at an alarming velocity .Now you would think common sense would tell you to stop there but no the instinct is to push the lever forward whereupon I hurtle in the opposite direction quite out of control . So far I have destroyed three ceramic plant plots and all but killed the cat who invariably comes to see what I am up to .
But the call of the open road is too much for me so despite these minor set backs I take to the streets of Silverton . Now I pride myself on being quite a good driver but on this machine I am a hooligan . Road signs pshaw ignored , pedestrians? Aim true and speed up , children jump for your lives. Highway code -never heard of it - I am king of the road . I did try driving it into our local store but they heard me coming and bolted the door .
But if you look out you may see me ,full throttle 8mph , wind in my hair crutches wedged under chin and probably on the wrong side of the road but I have wheels and intend to travel .....at least until the battery runs out !
Written by
Georgepa
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Going to have to come down and do some stalking! This I must see, you careering around the Devon lanes. Have you got the right head gear, I understand it's a flat cap! A guy in Clevedon, had his done up like a Harley Davidson motorbike, high handle bars, loads of mirrors and Hells Angels stickers everywhere!
So glad you are into the surreal world, that I knew at the end. It's a very comforting place to be, enjoy every minute of it. Your brain is looking after you. It is allowed to have a few minutes of fun and laughter, even now, or should I say, especially now. Just don't fall off and break the other leg!!!
Bravo, Georgepa! You are an inspiration and a very jolly story teller. I needed that smile, just now, thanks. I can just see, in perfect detail, the book illustration. The garden gate, the broken pots with flowers scattered, the inquisitive cat peering round the corner, rather shocked, and you flying off down the lane, a whirlwind in your wake.
Oh isn't that the truth ec.. I can just hear the neighbors now,"Hey whose that up in the air across the field?..."Oh thats just Georgepa...and his new scooter"..."Did you know that thing can go 8mph?"
"Yep I had one of those once, had to get rid of it, my wife got too cross!"
Brilliantly written as always Georgepa!! I feel like I'm with you as I read!! If you wrote a book it'd be a best seller, no question!! Am sure I've visited Silverton a few years ago with mum and dad, beautiful part of the country!! You be bloody careful young man on those new wheels 😍 X
Oh Georgepa, was it you who pushed me along after crashing into the back of my legs at a garden show last week? The lever got stuck was the reason given to me by the driver. My dad used to whiz down the by pass at 8 miles an hour, "It's fine, all the drivers acknowledge me when they overtake".
George you are mad!! 😁. Thank goodness you are. You have even made me smile! No mean feat this week. Please don't break the other leg or worse still your neck! As for your poor cat it's a wonder it hasn't left home!
Come to think of it it's a wonder you haven't had your collar felt by now?! Take care of yourself.
Love it. I can see it all because everyone who has a mobility scooter seem to drive the same way. If you don't get out of their way you get mown down, no mercy shown. Onwards.
Georgepa you are so funny. I can't hardly wait for the next word when you write......
I'm still wondering what yopu're doin with crutches....did you make it through that store....You know, goin through the frozen food section at 8mph....youre likely to freeze a body part right to the ice cream case! Be careful.....one kid thought he was lickin' his own fingers.....It was Hal Malones down the street who just got a scooter...got up to 12mph once usually just got it through somebodies shop....this time it was the tasty freeze...need I say more!
I have a mobility scooter when my husband when he put it away in the garage the for the first time.He did not look at the control's and nearly parked it in the freezer , when I read your story to him he laughed and its a man thing....hope your skills are improving? The dents on mine belong to my husband...also the scratches an the car....Brenda x
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Mobility advice
What a weekend. Chris birthday. Off to visit sister. Nightmare journey. He said he didn't need Loo. Then [ traffic jam M25] desperate to go.
Necessity is a Mother, All Right
A real shitty day, literally.
