You've told me to build the memories now, but how do I build good memories with somebody I don't want to be with anymore !! An I know it's the illness, but that don't help. Xxxx
Help: You've told me to build the memories... - PSP Association
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Debbieann
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Hi Debbieann, can't you sleep either? I think you have just asked the 64,000,000 dollar question!!! I don't know. This is the hardest thing about this evil disease, it takes our loved ones away and leaves us looking after the body! We all know that they are in there somewhere, but where? Where is the acknowledgement that they know we exist? Where is the caring that they have PSP? Where is the fight in them to try and stave off the symptoms? My husband expects me to do all this for him, well I presume he does! He can barely communicate anymore. I just don't know anything anymore, I am left wondering, why I am the only person who cares, the only person looking after him, the only one fighting for him. If he doesn't care, who am I to step in and say he should live life a certain way?
I suppose it goes back to the time, when we stood up and said "for best for worse, in sickness and in health". Unfortunately, nobody told me about PSP either!
You are not alone in your thoughts, we all feel this way at times. Especially at silly o'clock in the morning! I think my advise should be, go to bed and get some sleep! But as I am up, writing on the site, how can I be that pious!!!
Lots of love
Heady
Thank you sooo much. I am in bed with my 'snoriing zombie' we only just starting on this sad road, your other half worse than mine night night xxx
Oh well, if you can go to bed, I suppose I better try as well! Nice to have had someone to "talk" with, at this stupid time of night!!!!
Lots of love
Heady
Goodnight to you both. Getting on to silly o'clock here, too. I can't sleep through the snoring, coughing and groaning, and he won't sleep if I'm not beside him. I forgot to buy the earplugs today. Why am I so ditzy these days? 
Heady, as most of you know I just lost my Charles body on the 14th of December.. And I say body, because I lost him a long time ago. The last 3 months he was somewhere else in his mind. And than the last month, he could talk pretty plane, except when he did, it made no sense. I thought I would die from a broken heart after 52 1/2 years. And don't get me wrong, I have shed the tears and I have gotten angry, but I also have this feeling of peace. I know I watched him suffer everyday for almost 4 years, and just remembering that he is PSP free, helps me heal. So I hope none of you ever regret those feelings of anger. Your anger is at PSP not at your Loved one.
Hi Almaj67, my internet has been playing up for a while and my memory is on overload, so I am not sure if I sent you my condolences. Forgive me either way. I am so sorry hear that your husband has passed. Glad that Charles is at peace now though.
I am going through counselling at the moment, to help with my anger. I think it's helping. She said I am going through the grieving process, because, like you say, I have lost my husband and, oh boy, do I miss him. Yet, here I am, sitting watching him sleep, just having finished eating his breakfast, an hour after giving it to him, yet to drink his coffee, at battle to fight, when he wakes. I am so sick of this constant fight that we all have to endure. Some days, I just want to scream, "PSP, you have won, take him". Even if i did, would this horrible illness listen to me? It's far too evil and cruel, to even acknowledge our pain!
I am though, only too aware, of what you must be going through. I talked with some else recently, whose husband had died of PSP, she too, spoke of the peace and could now remember her husband, as he was, not overcome with this illness.
Alma, please do what ever YOU need to do, to get through your grief. It is a very personal, private time. Although, the one thing you mustn't do, is push others away. (Just don't listen to them, if giving advice you don't want!!!)
Sending you much love and huge ether hug.
Lots of love
Heady
Every sympathy Debbieann - many of us wondering how to cope with that but I think Heady is right about the vows we took. I'm afraid this is the 'worse' bit. Every now and again though we are reminded that the real person is still in there and those glimpses make the caring all worth while. Hope you got a good night's sleep in the end.
Vicki x
We are still making happy memories together 5+ years down he road. On Christmas Eve we listened to Carols. I sang along and very soon realised my darling wasn't moaning, he was humming along with me. I will never forget that. He wasn't humming every note but those he was, were in perfect tune. My man is very much still in there, suffering far more than me and wanting/needing good things to happen and the only one who can make them happen is me. Carers and professionals can help with physical needs but they see scores of people and although some have formed a bond, it's me who loves him and wants to make how ever long we have together, as bearable and happy as possible. There are times when I feel very sorry for myself and think I'm entitled to but I feel sorry for my darling even more. I can still do some things that I want to do, he can't. Tomorrow 3 friends are coming here for a takeaway. We will eat in the same room so he can listen to the conversation and laughter although he won't be able to join in. He will get kisses from them and they will talk to him, not expecting a response but he has no control over what happens during the evening, I do.
Although I am like I am, I know we are all different. When Colin had his recent bout of colitis an acquaintance of 40 years told me she divorced her first husband (before I met her) when he developed colitis as she couldn't stand the smell, washing and inconvenience of never being able to go far without him running to the toilet. A man I met 5 years ago told me one day that he was lunching with his wife who had divorced him because he had a degenerative illness and she couldn't cope with knowing she would end up looking after him. They still love each other but she could no longer live with him.
We all have to deal with these things in our own way, the way that is best for both us as carers and those we care for.
Me? I'll continue to try and make happy memories.
Sending you a big hug and hoping that good things will still happen for you both despite the hard times ahead.
X
• in reply toNannaB
You helped me "get it" this morning. I have been trying to help my Joe hold on and fight and I nag and prod him and I forget that there is more to this journey and perhaps I have to shape up. I have to turn it around. God Bless us one and all!
Beautiful, NannaB. Thanks. You are fighting heroically, and I am grateful for your example, as I am not quite so far down the road yet, but can see it before me.
As for those other people - it can be shocking to see folks who just up and leave when things get tough, but I am aware how fortunate I am in having a guy whose personality is perfectly lovely, patient and good. I wish I were more like him!! I have every sympathy for those who can't care for someone who is not so lovable. There have been folks here who should have cut and run, I think! Everyone has to make their own way.
Enjoy your takeaway! Happy New Year. Love, ec
Well said NannaB! xx
Hi Debbieann, sorry you are having a bad time, last night first for 10 days when Marie Curie took the night duty, I was able to "sleep" in another room yes woke when M's cough or moan got higher pitched but able to roll over as knew someone else was checking her out. Last few nights were a struggle and was definitely feeling depressed but after a reasonable sleep batteries half charged am back to some form of sense. The disturbed nights and lonely days do get you down and yes I do think about throwing in the towel but I think of what we had together and remember the good times and what we mean to each other.
Good memories can still be made like a walk on the prom in the sunshine, with M in her wheelchair and her smile.
You need to talk to your GP about getting Marie Curie Nurse for some night care, it will give you respite by allowing you some sleep, yes uncomfortable having a stranger in the house but you get over it and will miss them as I did if there is a long break.
I don't do hugs but my best wishes for a better day and quiet night. Tim
Bev you are so like me . It's not what we like to call a normal life anymore but it's our normal . John has been dreadful in bed most of the time not able to walk one communicate other then for commode needs which can be many many many times a day . I don't need to tell you though . Yesterday afternoon he suddenly roused.,
I got him into his chair. And found three profs of frank Sinatra in concert , , he listened and enjoyed it all , I gave him his night tablet and carers came he made hi,self aware he didn't want to go to bed yet . They left .
He woke pretty good first thing gave his his meds at seven . Switched off . He came round again and asked for breakfast . I made a thin porridge . Took two mouthfuls , teeth fell out he couldn't control his tongue and mouth .
Breakfast down the drain and he is thrashing in his chair jumping and jerking head twisting .. Hey ho the mental health nurse visiting later so better go and dress .
Certainly take some living with but I'm not going anywhere and doesn't look like I will be able to get out for my hour coffee today . Will make my own ..
We are not all the same are we . No one knows what the marriage relationship was like even before. This all started . . The social worker asked me one day what our relationship was like . I understood why she asked. I smiled and told her fine the same as always was ,
The episode in the chair sounds scarey. What causes that. Colin can't move his head a cm. It's fixed. What does the mental health nurse do?
I'm missing out on my breaks this week. The hospice is off for two weeks as he goes on a Friday, Christmas Day and New Year's Day. Two Mondays, last week carers day off, this week bank holiday. Tomorrow I have a Crossroads sitter but C can't get out of bed so I'll have to help her sit him up for lunch. I was going to visit a 98 yr but bashed my knee against Cs bed and it is agony so will stay home and write thank you letters.
X
I am use to it now , J gets dyskinesia / Dystonia ,
He has Parkinson's his toes and thumbs stick up , and he will switch off suddenly . Even as I am trying to feed him , I can see his face change in front of me whEre the muscle tone goes , his head drops onto his chest and twists to the side , his jaw juts he is then so relaxed he jerks /jumps and hai arms and legs flay .
When They were assessing him for CHC , the team recommended a visit from the mental health consultant , she did all sorts of tests , I told her his memory was still excellent . She asked his a few thing to remember . Gave him three words , such as window , plate , and blue .
The she asked him to repeat thn , he hit mixed up and couldn't so it . . He can tell you who the write minister is his date of birth my date of birth etc . Got all those right . She told me he has Parkinson's dementia suggested we try Memantine to help his thought process . They dos seen to have help him a bit and coordination , it's actually the only med that has seemed to help . None of the Oarkinsons meds seems to have helped .
Her nurse has been coming weekly to keep and eye on us , she came this morning .
So still waiting on th CHC . She told me to write down how long it takes me to feed , prepare it etc I am th only one who is allowed to feed him ..
I want to keep him home with me but know if anything happens things are set in motion for a nursing home if my daughter cannot manage . I don't think she I'll but we still want to keep control . She told me to maybe see a solicitor and get all this set in place officially . My daughter has full power of attorney .
To be honest I am tired of all the talk , going over and over the same question to so many of these proffesional
There should be another CHC meeting
Hope your knee feels better ..
I know what you mean about same old questions. Someone from the CHC is coming to do a review today. More questions. Mustn't complain though as at least we have it......unless the review doesn't go well and they take it away!
X
How di your meeting go re the assessment .
Had a funny old morning yesterday . it was my day to have the sitter , I got myself ready not sure if John would be OK to leave , I couldn't rouse him at for such a long time .
Eventually he did , then the sitter rang me , she was poorly and not able to come. I thought I would still , not for long though ..
Just before I was leaving I started to hoist him to the commode . Got his sling around him and started hoisting , got it going and started to move him when the battery went dead . There is s reset button , didn't work .
Good job I don't panic . No point is there .
He was under tension so I couldn't release the sling . I worked out if I raised his chair forward that might help . It did ..
I tried to out it back to recharge and not enough battery to raise it . Then though if I took the weight in my hand it would be lighter . It worked .,
I do check quite regularly that the plug hasn't moved or connections , what happened . When I took the X tree down the house plug came loose at the same time.
Fortunately he had his pad on and his waterworks are slow . His diarrhoea had stopped as well . They cane out to check but by then it had recharged . Panic over .all sent to try us . Isn't .
Ahhhh! That happened to me once. Not quite so bad as it was the standing hoist but it stopped before it got to the standing position. Colin was leaning backwards hanging on for dear life. I had to get the instruction book to find out how to lower him manually. We had a plug problem yesterday. The TV in Colin's room said No Signal. As he is confined to bed now, he needs something to listen to. I fiddled around for ages, eventually finding another arial cable but gave up thinking it must be something wrong with the arial connector on the wall. At about 4 pm I decided to switch the Christmas windo lights on. The night carer had turned them off but from the wall switch not the lights switch. The wall switch also controlled the arial booster to Colin's TV but being in a different room, I never thought about it and our other TVs worked.
The meeting went OK, I think. It was because the care company want extra funding for a further 15 minutes in the morning. They were only given half an hour but now he takes longer to get out of bed. The assessor was a trained nurse. She said she isn't employed by CHC and has no influence over allocation of money. She completes a form and then it goes back to the CHC for consideration. She doesn't recommend, just reports facts.
Your tree is down then? I usually leave mine until 12th night but space is so limited with equipment taking over, I think mine will be down soon. I had 3 friends round for a Chinese takeway last night so it was good to have the tree lit up then. The food was delivered and they also bought a very elaborate large red leather look calendar. I like surprise freebies.
I'll raise a glass to us all at midnight.......if I manage to stay awake.
X
We are a stoic lot Bev .. .
I find gets confused if there is too much around him .
I always left it until twelfth night as well . I am upstairs trying to sort my visitors bedroom out I always du,p such a lot in there and close the door . They will, turn up at last moment sometime or another ,
Makes me feel I am doing something normal as well .
I put John back into bed . His neck is so painful . He is spending more and more time in bed now . Happy new you to you and yours Bev . Bring it on well cope one way or another won't we Cheers ,,,, '
I'm sure we will. I hope we all find some happiness in 2016. Cheers and best wishes to you both too.
🍷 x
Hi Debbieann I feel exactly the same. Christmas has been very lonely I know I have had family here and they are great but not here 24/7. Its so lonely when they go and I am left with silence. My husband is so angry in himself and seems to resent me its so hard looking after someone who feels like that. I know its the disease and he cant help it. I too am restricted from a lot of celebrations because I feel people feel my husband cant go so therefore I cant. Its so so hard. Please take care of yourself. xxxxx
Debbieann I did not take vows for better or worse infact my partner is still married and he has grown up children I am just a nobody a girlfriend if you like and I have been by his side for 3 years with this and I just dont know if I can sit here for another year in this PSP imprisonment it could go on for another 3 years and I have no life I feel like just the babysitter!!!
At night I too have thoughts of running away but where to? Can I cope with what is to come do I want to cope with it?
Its very hard I think he picked on me because he knew I would look after him when no one else could.
This must seem extra hard for you! But I think we are all glorified babysitters, from the moment we move in with a man!!!
Lots of love
Heady
Well Heady!!! that’s not very ‘PC’ - even if it’s ‘C’!!!!!. Hope you get a much better night tonight and that goes for all who are still struggling to care for their partner, husband, family member or friend.
Kindest regards and very best wishes, Jerry
What a bout his wife? Do you ever discuss this condition with her? Will she be the beneficiary of any monetary valuables and property? What will you get when he dies, besides older? Wow talk about carma. No offense but baby, to me, unless there is some form of commitment on both ya'll sides ....you really are the one getting the short end of the stick as the wife gets all his stuff!!!! of course UK may be different. But we girls get nothing if there weren't no I DO in there somewhere....harsh truth.....Oh and if it makes you feel any better I'm married to him, and I'm not getting anything either...well the house and a bit of capital but . When all is said and done I will be a shell of a woman with nothing in my hands but a PEG tube and a Bible! Now if I can only remember which goes where!
AVB
Mmmm I am not sure if I wanna stick around to find out lol he promises me this and that but he always has done the dangling of the carrots his wife already sold the family home and took half the money we only live in a ground floor flat so there isnt much to take x
Hi, how are you feeling this morning?
Me? I think I got about an hours sleep! So feel ..........! Hey ho! Another day has to be survived and night to be dreaded!!!!
Lots of love
Heady
I shall try and make it my New Years resolution to stop thinking what have I done to deserve this? (And after all what has he done to deserve this?) easier said than done!! But I'll give it a go!!!
Love
Debbie xx
Since B's PEG tube, I can't eat. I don't want to eat. I just found out that I am going to have to pay for the food stuffs . It's not much money, about 25% of our income so I figure if I don't eat we should be able to break even. I feel like I am in a state of shock I cannot move and dad has just spiraled to nothingness. He can still walk and talk, well neither really but my denial still makes him to do both as if he can. Heady I am beyond tired. I thought this Peg tube would relieve me of watching B choke and life would be good. I feel like this unit has sapped what little life B had in him.....Like NannaB says I have to find the good, know there are good memories waiting, but right now I see my mate dwindling....spiraling away from independent to more palliative care.......I'm afraid that I am expecting him to die. and you know you get what you expect....I don't want him to die. I am in misery watching him suffer especially now that he knows that he really is going to succumb from PSP... B has a totally difft affect lately......
On a brighter note we popped open a bottle of red wine with the delicious lasagna my daughter-in - law made. Wine tasted like vineagar.....It had a stringent flavor for which to clear the pallet for the next bite....yuck
You can have my wine I'll take your beer.....hahah Champagne for all 12/31!!!
AVB
Oh AVB, I really feel for you. I think this is going to be our next challange. I have got S drinking a bit more, but it's such hard work. The really sad thing is, he is so much better,if I get enough fluid down him, he can talk a bit, moves better. Last night, he even got up and went to loo, on his own. Frightened me stupid, the first I knew about it, he was getting back into bed! He hasn't done that for at least a year! I hope this isn't the start of him going back to getting up all the time, don't think I will be able to cope this time!
I'm sure having the peg fitted has mentally hit B! It's bound to have, the same for you as well. But it doesn't mean the end is in sight! Once he gets used feeding this way and starts to feel the benefit of food going where it's meant to, I'm sure he will pick up again. Of course you feel this is palliative care, it is! But that's not new, all our loved ones have been having palliative care since diagnoses. There is no other sort for PSP!!!
So come on, this isn't you, pick yourself up, accept the peg, for what it is, a means to give B a bit better quality of life. You will get use to it, eventually!!!
Shame about your red wine! Hope you enjoy the Champagne on 31/12/15!
Happy or at least a peaceful new year!
Lots of love
Heady
I'm crying and mulling over your thoughts....thanks for writing me. You are so right....
AVB
I so feel for you and everybody else on this site, I am only just starting on this road, and unless your hubby is much younger than you, you must be very young to be having to do this, I thought I was young (56) I wish I could say something to help, love and best wishes Debbie xx
We were both 52 though he was about to turn 53 and I had just had a birthday. We had been experiencing noticeable symptoms for at least 2 years . A year prior he just up and quit his job. and within that year weird things like the bank would call asking who was signing the checks; Driving became a dangerous thing...my car can attest to that! And conversation was quite the anomaly! I thought he was having ministrokes,,,finally found a neurologist who listened to my claim of PSP.....I wasn't lookin for it mind you, I just knew through research on the web, it wasn't just Parkinson's.
I am so sorry it has hit you and your husband at such a young age. Make good memories now...do things while you can, and and dont let guilt or weight of disease get you down......I am saying this to me as well.....I am really tired so im going to bed.....
I'm glad you know we are hear , Debbieann
AVB
Hello Debbieann & thank you for prompting me to post. I am very bitter about our circumstances and PSP. If I spent time thinking about what our lives used to be like and the wonderful experiences Elizabeth and I had together, I would become very angry and resentful about what it's like now. To be honest, I don't mind being bitter - I can manage that. It has made me more cynical, but that is relatively harmless. Anger & resentment would destroy me. When the grieving time comes for me, it will then be safe for me to look back and stare for as long as it takes. Until then I keep reminding myself that I volunteered to become the resident main carer for an older lady with a progressively debilitating illness for which there is no specific treatment and no hope of recovery.
I needed to remind myself of that so thanks again.
Hugs 'n' all that stuff
Chris
Hi Chris, it is perfectly normal to feel bitter, angry and resentful!!! If you dare sit down and think about the cards life has dealt us, it is surprising any of us function at all! We are all human beings, with all the faults. Just because we have had the Carers role thrown at us, does not turn us into angels over night!!! Try not to bottle up your feelings too much, I understand how you feel, we all do, but a good out burst never hurt anyone, definitely not your loved one! I know you are frightened of not being able to control the feelings, worried about the genie being out of the bottle. He will go back in, if you want him to, you will get control again. Most importantly, you will have relieved the pressure and able to cope again. If you wait to explode and crash, who knows where that leads to! I have crashed once, it's NOT a pretty place. I hurt S and worried my family. Yes, thankfully, I was picked up, brushed down and was able to carry on, but I did damage to myself, mentally. Now, if I want to shout and scream, I do! Of course S hates it, of course I feel guilty afterwards, but I am nowhere near as wound up as I was! Therefore, more able to cope with the crap that PSP throws at me. Life is a huge struggle, it's not going to get any easier, so we have to make our lives as easy as we can do. Trying to hold in, completely normal feelings, is NOT going to do that!!!
Sending you a hug!
Lots of love
Heady
Hi Debbieann,
I don't know what I think any more, half of me feels bitter and resentful for P.S.P intruding on our lives, the other half still loves and wants to do the best for my husband, it's so very, very hard to do the right thing all of the time. I can't help feeling sorry for myself but I feel even more sorry for Keith, he didn't do anything to deserve this wretched illness and I have to stand by him as I promised, no matter how hard that may be.
Keep going, you will manage somehow, then you will have no regrets in the future!
Sending you love and hugs, we are all here for you, any time.....
Pat xx
Yea that just about sums up my feelings, doing this wasn't on my wish list!! But you can't leave somebody when they are sick, even when it means sacrificing your own happiness, my motto has always been 'you only get one shot at life, and you have to do what ale you happy, no ones going to do it for you' but I hadn't accounted for something like PSP!!
Lots of love
Debbie
I'm sure there's nothing like P.S.P it's horrible and very cruel! xx
You have summed it up so well, Patriciapmr, I feel just like that. X
xx
This Christmas has been a reminder of how dependent Ben has become on me and that I have no freedom. I/we can't take our grandchildren out to the park, go to bed before him. Have to escort him to the loo several times a night. I am watching him like a hawk, trying to help out with our newborn grandson, play with the two year old and all while trying to ward off a horrible chest infection that has really got a grip of me. thing is I am only just at the start of this horrible careers journey. What helps to stop me always feeling angry and resentful is that he didn't choose to have this disease. I am that someone he loves and trusts to help him through this, Im pretty sure he would do the same for me if the boot were on the other foot. I realise that other people have different relationships and nobody should be judged for expressing their feelings honestly. Not everybody is cut out for the caring role and the state should consider those feelings and be able to act to help people out in this awful situation. I do hope you get things sorted that will help you both through this quagmire called PSP. Xx
I don't have the answer, but I do know this is not a problem limited to PSP. My mom has PSP, later stage now, and while she has outbursts and can't communicate well, she is not mean. My dad has dementia, and is now the meanest, most negative person imaginable. My husband and I did try to care for him, but we could not, due to his health and deteriorating mental health--he is toxic and he hit my sister this last summer. He is now in the same nursing home as mom, but different floors, he cannot be with my mom alone anymore. He was never this way before the disease took over. No one wants to spend any time with him, but we recognize that he needs his family and we treasure the good moments he has and the wonderful man he was.
The only coping mechanism we have as a family is a tragic kind of family support system where we take turns visiting or contacting him for shorter duration visits, and call each other after and try to talk out the pain with a "what did dad/grandpa say this time" game. It still hurts, but it helps to make it a bit of a black joke. Eg. My sister called me yesterday after a visit with Dad, "Did you know I live in a hovel and I am no longer a young woman and no one likes me, and he can't figure out what my problem is?" She says.
"No, I didn't know that," I say, "I like you, and so do your friends, and your home is not a hovel, (she is a vet and lives on a farm, not a mansion, but a beautiful acreage that she loves, plenty of room for her animals and business, in the heart of horse country). But maybe this will make you feel better, he told me last week that I am getting old and ugly and my husband is going to leave me".
"Oh", she says, "Well in that case, you can come live with me in my hovel..." We laugh.
It does hurt, but by making it a joke, we put it into perspective. Then we find a good memory we have of Dad from before he turned into this horrible person. This is how we cope.
We also limit contact, and never alone for anyone in the family. It makes it more bearable. The father/grandfather/brother/uncle we love is still in there, and sometimes we see him, but not very often anymore. He is elderly, frail, sick, and we know in pain and confused. It is an existence, not a life, but we try to do the best we can for him and try to keep everyone else healthy and minimize exposure to the negative. The only saving grace is that he doesn't remember much anymore. We don't work on building new memories, we work on enjoying the good memories we have and not letting the new reality become our memories.
Not sure if this helps, but it is our way of coping and keeping the person we love alive, while caring for this increasingly alien person.
Hi Susan, yes there are many awful illnesses/conditions apart from PSP. My friend has a daughter the same age as my son, 41. She has severe cerebral palsy and has been like Colin is now for all of those 41 years, being PEG fed all her life, not able to walk or communicate. She has 24 hour carers in her own home now but her mum, my friend is still on the rota and spends a night and several hours during the week caring for her. Her only child so no grandchildren to add a little brightness.
My mum had Altzheimers and went through a stage like your dad. My dad was her main carer with me going to help them every day after work. She would say awful things to me, saying she wished I had never been born and running me down, criticising my looks, my family, my home etc. many times she threatened to kill me and one day thumped me so hard in the back telling me she had stabbed me that I really thought she had. From that day her daughter was dead and I was her cousin. She frequently attacked my dad. It was only a stage, even though a long one and before she died after 15 years of the illness, she turned into a sweet little woman who just sat and said,"My mum" all day long and half the night and smiled. Hopefully this stage will soon pass and your dad will become easier to be with.
PSP is awful but most of our love ones have started on the road later in life. I know a few are very young. My hubby was only in his early 60s, we haven't had any retirement that we looked forward to but we have had great times, raised 3 boys we are proud of and now have 4 lovely grandsons. So even though Colin and I are going through the worse time we have ever had now, I am grateful for the many good years we have had ( up and downs and some heartache) that many others have never had.
Keep on enjoying those good memories.
X
That's what gets me by , I remember when my mum had a stroke . She was severely affected and went into a nursing home . O couldn't keep her af home , o didn't know about the AIDS you can get at that time . I had John starting down the Oarkinsons road at the same time.
When she could talk she would what lovely times we had when we were younger ..
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