Struggling

Anybody else out there suffering verbal abuse from a psp sufferer. My husband uses me as a verbal battering ram, shouting that he's had enough of this illness, he rants about the neurologist , the doctor, any comment I make is wrong . I try ignoring, reasoning, eventually shouting that I'm fed up with it too. I don't know how to handle it for the best , I know it's frustration , it's hurtful .

27 Replies

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  • My husband was verbally abusive before this started. Then it let up for awhile, especially since December when we knew something was really wrong. He has been good until the last couple months. He is slowly working his way back to the abuse. If he wasn't on xanax, I think he would be much worse. I know his hard is is to keep your cool in this situation.

  • My husband was always verbally abusive. I have often wondered if that was part of PSP. I used to tell him when we were young that he must have a brain tumor due to his anger issues. I have not received his brain study from UTSW, but I will share results with this group when I do.

  • HI GYPSY WOMAN IM CANT SOLVE YOUR PROBLEM BUTI \THOIUGHT I WOULD JUST DROP A QUICK LINE WOULD A TRIP TO \THE DRS BE IN ORDER MATE JUST TO HIM KNOW THAT YOU ARE GETTING VERBALLY ABUSED OR IT IS JUST STARTING YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS HAD THIS KIND OF TREATMENT \WHICH IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH YOU COLD JUST REDMIND HIM WHO RUNS THE HOUSDEHOLD NOW AND CARES FOR HIM AS WELL FAILING THAT I THINK ITS A TRIP TO THE GP MATEY AND SEE\ IF HE CAN CALM HIM DOWN A BIT FOR YOU IM SO SORRY FOR YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND IHOPE I NEVER GET LIKE THIS BUT WHO KNOWS WITH PSP WHATS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT TAKE CARE

    MATE KEEP SMILLING CHIN UP AND BEST FOOT FORWARD PETER JONES QUEENSLAND AUSTRALIA PSP SUFFERER

  • Time for the Dr to know of abuse. Husbands anger and frustration or maybe just evil PSP is causing him to do that which may be uncommon(?) Antidepressant......may need to be prescribed.

  • Yes I feel for you as I have been in the same situation for quite a while. It is the thing I have found most upsetting and difficult to deal with of all the horrid things about PSP. Eventually had to tell the GP and he has given D something to lessen the anxiety and generally help him to be more relaxed and so far it seems to be working.

    I do hope you can find something which works. You shouldn't have to put up with even though it is just a symptom of the disease.

    Vicki

  • Hi sorry you are going through this, I also think you need to go to the GP and get him something to calm him down, this disease is enough to put up with. George was very abusive in the beginning, but not know, he is on antidepressants, could not deal with that as well, please tell the doctor our the community nurses, otherwise you will make yourself ill and that would not help your husband. Sending you a big hug. Yvonne xxxxxxx

  • Hi, I agree with everyone else. Get to the doctors ASAP! As for shouting at your husband, go for it, with all guns blazing, if needs be. I know it is probably PSP that is making him like it, but still is NO excuse for him to verbally abuse you! I know we ALL shout and scream at the ones we love the most, especially at times like this, but you don't have to put up with it!!! At least explaining in front of the doctor, how it upsets you and you don't deserve it, after all you do for you husband. It might sink in, that this is unacceptable behaviour, that and a few happy pills, might do the trick!!!

    Hope so! Sending you a big hug!

    Lots of love

    Heady

  • I understand how you are feeling, its so hard trying to care for someone and then having to put up with abuse. My husband speech is gone, but it dosnt stop him being quite dismissive of me. He is totally different when people are around. He is on anti depressive medication which is helping. I have shouted at him saying he is treating me like his employee and have shed a lot of tears. Please speak to your GP or send in a letter explaining how you feel before your next visit with your husband. Please take care of yourself xxxxxx

  • I too have had to go through this.

    It turned out it was the sinimet that was causing the problem.

    My husband is now on antidepressants and no longer the sinimet and calm has been resumed.

    Xx

  • Hi I am so relieved, G has C.B.D. He gets very agitated, he cannot speak only Yes/ No and my name, he has the allian hand so keep out of reach of that, if he grabs he cannot let go , and I have to prise his fingers apart.

    The problem at the moment is he calls my name continuously,every Minuit .I did a tick list yesterday, and by 7 pm bedtime he had called 147 times, when I ask what he wants he says NO, The Doctor is due a visit this afternoon ( not that I will get an answer because he had never heard of c.b.d.

    But it it wearing me down but now I know I am not alone ,but if I shout at him to stop calling , he starts to cry.

    Ellie x

  • Thank you all for your replies , I think it will have to be a visit to the doctor, as you all suggest . It makes me feel ill with the stress and it's hard work without added problems. Also at the time I just don't feel like doing the caring duties , I want to slam , bang and scream. It's hard for the sufferer , I can't imagine what it feels like but it's also life changing for the carer. Love and best wishes to all of you travelling this journey.

  • I always say two people have PSP, one has the disease, the other suffers the symptoms!!!!

    We ALL want to slam, bang and scream, well I do, every minute of the day! I hate this caring lark, it's not in my nature. I have no patience for it! He is in the middle of a choking session, at the moment, tried to help, tried to get him to calm down, breath, all the right things, but I have been pushed away and ignored! What do you do? If I stay and try to get him to breath properly, he is getting upset with me, making things worse, so I am back in the chair, moaning to you, letting him get on with it. Seems to be recovering now!

    I know it must be quite frightening, this constant choking, but it ain't great, watching someone you love, coughing and spluttering all the time!

    Gypsywoman, you have to find some way of releasing your frustration! You can't afford to make yourself ill, by keeping it in. I afraid, S cops it, when I get too wound up. I know people will say it's wrong, but I am trying my best, sometimes, it's not good enough, but I am positive, he would rather be at home, listening to me shout and scream, than be in a care home!!!

    Lots of love

    Heady

    Ps don't forget to tell doctor that the stress is making you ill as well!!!

  • Heady it did me good to read your post and know I'm not alone with this caring dislike, I'm not a good nurse at all, I have very little patience and even less when he starts shouting . Don't get me wrong ... I do everything required of me, I've given up most the things I enjoy doing and I try to make the time to take him for a ride and cuppa out at least 5 days out of the 7. Even that is exhausting , heaving the wheelchair in and out the car , trying to get him in the car , and out.

    I feel awful cause he didn't ask for this illness . We've just had to move to a bungalow , there's plenty to do and no time to do it. Oh well , onwards and up as they say . Hugs .

  • Hi, you are definetly not alone with your feelings. How can anyone enjoy what we have to do, ALL THE TIME!!!! Everyone's life is ruined by PSP! OK, we may get a second chance later, but most of us, are running out of time, for even that glimmer of hope. Anyway, I don't want a life without S! We have all the tiredness, frustration and sadness of this blasted disease, plus take the flack from our loved ones. Gee, someone certainly saw us coming!!!!!

    Lots of love

    Heady

  • Oh Heady how I enjoy your posts. Good to see you are not a natural carer, neither am I, and now we've both admitted it! Wonderful friends with 3kids who are here on holiday have just departed in huge hired minibus for a day at hot springs nearby. C plus my daughter have gone along (friends both have history of caring and female is a practising OT in Cornwall) so they'll be changing him today. Meanwhile I have mountain of laundry, bigger mountain of food prep. And stuff to dig out for massive beach picnic tomorrow with a total of 14 attending, aged 1 to 68. But nice not to have to keep one eye on C while I do it all, nor to be constantly clock watching as I do when he is in day.

    So today I shall plod on happily and have a lovely dinner ready for them all.

    Pat

  • Oh Pat, that almost sounds like heaven! I love entertaining, but don't have the time to do it properly anymore, so it becomes a bit of a chore. A whole day, just pottering around, but with purpose and a lovely evening to look forward to!!! ENJOY! ENJOY! ENJOY!!!

    Lots of love

    Heady

  • Heady I agree with all you said, I feel bad, when I shout but I am doing my best, lost our sitter from crossroads, been promised another one when they get more sitters, but that was months ago, so stressed, keeping phoning, leaving message no one gets back to me, so stressed miss those 3 hours once a week. Yvonne xxx.

  • Yvonne , I don't know how you cope, I can leave. Him for an hour or so at present , he wears a pendant to call for help, twice he has had bad fall , couldn't get up but never pressed for help. Longest I've gone. Is 90 mins. I'd love a day out with my friends.

  • My MIL is passively abusive...she micromanages her care (telling me when it's time for her meds for example), is very demanding and shouts, and is generally uncomfortable to be around. She likes to antagonize situations like when I'm in an argument with my husband by coming and sitting in the living room to listen. it's gotten so bad that I basically stay in my room all the time unless feeding, medicating, or she needs me. I've had to increase my anxiety meds. So, I totally feel for you. It stinks.

  • Poor you having to put up with aIL and PSP! Sending best wishes.x

  • Gypsy woman I can't leave George he can't get about anymore, if he is asleep in the morning I rush out and rush back, feeling worn out. Sending you all a big hug xxxx Yvonnexxxxx

  • I dread the future, I know there's far worse to come , it panics me, then I read how you and others cope somehow and I think ....well I'll just have to cope also. Hugs

  • You are right this illness stinks, hope you can sort things out. Yvonne xxxxx

  • my husband did this then would cry when i got angry so i asked him why he did it his reply was my head is like scabell i can here you but cant responce and was angry i shouted at him he started crying i felt so awfel i cudele him told him how much i loved him its not you its the frustration its hard its hard for you and it is so easy for people to say be strong but they dont live with it im not going to give you advise but i will say i started to play music have a little drinck with him and chat it did go away in the end i thinck to myself it was just part of the illness he never did it again i hope this helps you take care feel free to chat to me if i can help in any way

  • It's unbearable isn't it ....cause I know it's his frustration at the illness and he must feel just dreadful inside. I try hard to ignore it but that's hard when you feel so stressed with it all. Thanks for your helpful reply x

  • My husband does this it drives me mad.He has been doing this on and off for a couple of years he gets really angry (frustrated) over stupid things like he could ask me to move a pillow if i havent put it where he wants it he starts getting really angry when i ask where he wants it put he cant explain so he just shouts i now just walk out of the room for a couple of minutes he calms down then when i go back into the room its like nothing has happend.

  • I'll try walking out of the room for a while, last time it happened I felt like walking out for the day. I know it's the frustration but that doesn't make it any easier to handle.

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