Help!! Bedside commode problems

My spouse has sit on the bedside commode since 2AM. It is 6 AM. I do not know how to get him off. He woke up at 2 soaked. I got up and helped him to the pot, changed him, and ask if he was ready to get back into bed. He signed thumbs down. I finally went back to bed. Every so often, I would wake and say are you ready. I cannot just pull him off. HELP

19 Replies

  • Oh dear! I wish I could come over to lend a hand! Failing that, I find a description of breakfast to be had makes my guy more focused and cooperative in the morning. Otherwise, what's to do but wait it out? Does he understand you? Say you'll call emergency services?

  • He understands me. I kept explaining to him that he needs to come to bed. I finally convinced him at 6:30 to come to bed. Within 5 minutes of being in bed, he said bathroom. I got back up and put him on the pot. He did pee. I fussed at him again to go to bed and he did finally. I think that I am frazzled.

  • You *think* you're frazzled, eh? Oh my. I hope you can get some rest somehow today.

    Not as bad a night as yours, but we had a good day yesterday, so paid for it with a sleepless night. And we both went over when he stopped in a doorway to adjust his clothing and let go of his walker. I managed to direct his toppling so he missed hitting his head on the bed post., and ended up half under him on the floor. No harm done, amazingly. An hour later he said he didn't need me to get up from his chair. That lasted two minutes.

    On we go. Better days. Ec

  • Hey EC,

    Sounds like a day in the Birke house! Dad went up out of bed and over with a sippy cup in the middle of the night. first time with water in bedroom and the last time......Just now he got up and almost caught the TV on the wall on his way down.....just far enough away to "catch" the couch instead whew....i'm tired today

    AVB....On WE Go you are right.

    Do you think he understood where he was when he was on the pot for so long? That's not a comfortable place for more than ...10 minutes? When B sleep walks I ask where he is and ask him where he should be......of course he doesnt

    t usually have water in his hand....@#$%^! lesson learned!

  • I'd call 999

    You have to get him off there, bless him!!

    Otherwise call a neighbour!

    Good luck


  • That is a good idea. If I tell him that I am going to call 911 to come and help. He does not like them coming out. He might just get in bed.

  • Sounds like you need to threaten him with something or as a last resort a tin tack. No seriously you can't be up half the night waiting for him to use the commode. I think i would of been screaming and shouting at him after an hour. Can he stand to transfer from bed to comode or do you have to physically stand him up.

    I count my blessings because Brian has accepted the fact he wears pads and unless he needs his bowels open he has to stay in bed. Not that he has got much control now.

    I feel for you nothing worse then disturbed sleep. Janexx

  • Satt2015 and jzygirl,

    I did threaten him. I told him that if he ever did it again, I was calling 911. He said it would not happen again. He does have a UTI and the doctor is waiting for the culture to give antibiotics. Still, 4 hours is way to long for him. He is able to take a nap everyday, so he had sleep.

    He is very smart, and he knows what is going on. He is very forgetful, but no dementia yet. He just cannot do things that are more than one step/cannot pay bills, etc.... any more.

  • I don't know about your guy, but my guy is so big that there I no way I can maneuver him. I can't even get him turned in bed the times when he can't do it himself. In your case coercion seemed to work. At this point, that is becoming my new motto - Whatever Works!

  • There should be a requisite for must be able to lift 80% of your mates wt before marrying....I mean face it folks, isn't that what we are doing now? Nobody told us we would have to be wt lifters in our old age!

    B is 187 lbs/2.2kg, thats 85 kgs!I need to lift 145 lbs or 70+kgs! I'm only 45kgs myself!

    The things we do for love,


  • Totally agree jmhk. I have been telling D that I will send him back to rehab. It doesn't help him get up but it makes me feel better. A little trick that does work is just pushing the top of his back or pulling on a collar at the back, if he wearing a shirt that has one and telling him to rock. For some reason it works most of the time. Of course I have his walker right in front of him so that he can grab on to it and not fall on his face.

  • jmhk,

    My husband was big, also. He was 245 and lost to 170 in 18 months. Not trying to lose. He is on 90% puree diet now. I am selling all his paints.

    Some years back, before college, I was a CNA at a nursing home for 3 months. God knew what he was doing when he put that job in my path. Now I know how to roll a large person without trouble. Not a job everyone would want, but it was getting me ready for this battle with my spouse.

  • Give him a book and a blanket and a bell to ring, when he is ready!!!

    Can't even begin to imagine, how you kept your temper, I would have been charged with all sorts of naughty things, if S did that to me!!! Very impressed!

    Hope tonight is better.

    Lots of love


  • Heady,

    The next day the hospice nurse came. He was sitting at the table with a cup cake for breakfast. She laughed and said how can you eat that for breakfast. I was so out of it when she came, I sit it in front of him and went back to bed. There were a few choice words in the night. We still sleep in the same king bed together, but he on his side and me on mine. I can always see and hear what he is doing. He cannot talk well, but there is a bell beside him. He only has to turn off the sound machine on the clock, and it would wake me.

  • I agree with everyone's comments but sitting on the pot for over 4 hrs can be dangerous in that depending on the type of commode and size of your feller the blood supply to the legs can be reduced in worst case stopped, which can cause sores or dead-leg. As a first aider I would suggest any longer than 30 min either get him to wriggle his bum and move his toes, if he cannot call emergency services (911/999 depending where you live).

    I would also suggest you look for a hoist and sling, to help transfer you bloke from bed to commode and back. I have one which I use if M is having a bad night and my back is hurting but it took time to learn how to use and I have advantage of being in the opposite way round to AVB.

    Best of luck for a better night. Tim. (That is to all of us)

  • I did not know about the dead-leg. Thank you for sharing. It is always good to learn new things to help him.

  • Only know about dead leg from sitting on a flight to Cyprus, a few decades ago, after 4 hrs tried to get up but both legs would not respond lots of pins of needles and a visit to hospital learned to follow modern in-flight instructions to wriggle toes and stand up at least hourly. Can cause clots etc so not good.

    Best wishes Tim

  • Next time if there is a next time call 911. Tell them you can't get him up, he does not need to go to the hospital. They will send men to lift him off. My spouse can't get up at times and that is what I do. I have hurt my back more times than I can count trying to lift him myself.

  • My Aunt Bev does the same thing I usally give her a suppository but she can sit on the commode for hours, it just takes them a long time because those muscles dont work like they used to and it is hard for her to grunt and push like she used to some times she says forget it shes ready to get back in the bed but 2am-6pm sounds about right try giving him a suppository maybe it will make it a little easier for him.

    hugs kryste

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