I don't post very often but I do read all of your posts and am amazed by your continued resilience and humour.
My mum passed in March this year and today would have been mum and dads 64th wedding anniversary. Dad is holding it together and has told us he'll be with us for a few years yet! But (like many of you) he has lost his soulmate and is terribly sad. Each milestone seems to make us feel worse....next we've got Christmas, which dad always loved, then mum and dads birthday on 28th December (yes they were both born on the same day, same year, minutes apart!). We'll keep smiling, remembering mum and all the good times we had, even though she had this awful, cruel disease.
Oh, that is hard. I am sorry for your loss. Truly.
i recently watched a close cousin, now 92, go through the loss of his wife of more than 60 years and he was shattered. I can't begin to describe the the depth of his grief, but could only dumbly watch his suffering. He had been such a strong, upright, lively good-humored man, and he was utterly cast down, But, for what it may be worth, I can offer you this example of hope: after a couple of years he found his way to enjoying life again, the company of his children and grandchildren and the rest of his friends and family, his garden, the adventures of weather-watching and such, a good practical joke. He is laughing again. I think it was only time, and the love around him that brought him back. So hold on, keep smiling, as you said, and do let us know how you're doing, from time to time. Love and peace, Easterncedar
P.s., I know anecdotes don't often help. I really just want you to know I sympathize.
It must be so hard to lose someone after so many years when you are getting older yourself and it's becoming more difficult to get out and about and meet people. My dear old dad lost my mum when they were both 90. A bit bigger age gap than your parents, 9 days apart. For a few months dad cried every time I went to see him, daily, but the summer after mum died we took him on holiday. He was becoming frustrated as he couldn't walk as far or as fast as us so decided to buy a mobility scooter. That's another story getting it home with all the normal holiday luggage. It was one that we could take apart and put in the boot. It gave him a new lease of life and on his return home he became the new boy racer of the village. He bought a more powerful one soon after and when he died a month off his 97 th birthday, he had 3. It gave him a new freedom and gave me grey hair. He started to visit friends he had lost touch with during mum's illness and laughed a lot about his antics. We took him away on holiday, with the folding scooter, every year until 3 months before he died.
I hope your dad will eventually be able to be happy again. There will always be sad moments, as you say, special events in the year, when he is alone at night but hopefully there will also be happy times again, and he has a loving daughter who can help it happen.
As Easterncedar said, anecdotes may not help but I wanted you to know there can be life after loss.
Oh how neat about the scooter! That made me smile! Good for you and for your father for being so courageous!
Thank you so much eaterncedar, the anecdotes do help. Your cousin sounds just like my dad used to be - strong, lively and good humoured. We still see glimpses of his sense of humour, so that's a good sign. He is also starting to enjoy his grandchildren and great granchildren visiting and pottering around in his garden.
Thank you too NannaB - your posts always bring a smile to my face. Your reply also sounds like dad, who cried every day for the first few months (I think thats good though) and now has days where he doesn't cry. My sister and I take dad out as often as we can - he enjoys his pie and mash once a week (although I can't say the same!!), and he's also started to talk about having a short break - we took mum and dad away every year until mum became too poorly last year.
It's good to think that life will slowly get better for dad.
I empathize with you and your Dad. My Mom died 4 1/2 years before my Dad. She died almost 75 years from their first date and had been married 71 1/2 years. Those last year's were so so sad and lonely for him. One night when my daughter was saying prayers with her 7 year old son, he wanted to talk to her. He said when he grew up and is married, he hoped he and his wife would die at the same time. She was taken back that he would say such a thing and had no idea where this thought had even come from. When she asked him why he would wish for something like that he explained that when they would see Great Grandpa Burkholder that sometimes he was sad and would have tears in his eyes when he would talk about how he missed Grandma and if he died the same time as his wife neither would be left behind and be so sad missing the other. You never know what goes through a child's mind. How perceptive they can be.
So sorry for your loss earlier this year, and you will continue to remember each celebration time for years to come, as I do 9 years after my mum passed away, but that old cliché "time Is a great healer" is true, but for you and your dad it's all too new yet so God bless you both and give you strength to get through the next hurdles. Keep your dad busy if you can, hard I know, but anything that will occupy the mind helps for a while. Take care
My lovely wife passed away 10 weeks ago - I greatly miss her and its worst when I do things, like shopping etc, that we used to do together. It will be her birthday this month and that will be a difficult day.
Yes John it will be difficult. I hope you have friends or family who can give you a day to remember for good reasons; but I know it will also be a day to reflect so hope you remember good times you spent with your wife more than the loss you are feeling now.
Sending you a virtual hug and sorry it can't be a real one.
From experience I have to say the first year is the hardest, as you go through all the Anniversarys or special days/events. It's now 16 months since I lost my Mum - I still think of her every day but those thoughts are not tinged with sadness and loss so often now.
Having friends/family/loved ones around you to share precious memories on those special days can really help.
It sounds like such a cliché but time really does help to ease the sorrow. I don't think you ever "get over" the loss of someone so dear to you but you do learn to deal with it better.
Give yourself time - 6 months is still very early days xxx
Hi, what everyone else is saying is true. I lost my father 13 years ago now. (Not to PSP) At first the "special" days seemed awful, or should I say the thought of them! The actual days themselves, were just the same as the day before and after. The pain is just the same! Now they barely register, it's more the little things, that remind me of Dad, when you at least expecting it, that get me. It's just something you get use to, like everything else in life! But how I wish he was still around, now I am coping with my husband and this evil disease.
Yes, the first Christmas will seem hard, the memories will be all around. You can go two ways, either cherish those memories and make Christmas around them, but the joyful ones!!! I have heard people put up a special tree, just for the passed loved one. Or, do something totally different, create a new Christmas, go away for the festive season. Do things a bit different, have dinner at a different time. anything that will help get you through. There are no rules in grief. No sorry, that's wrong, there is one huge one. Do it YOUR way. Not everybody's elses!!!!,!
My thoughts are with you and your Dad on this sad day!
Lots of love
Heady
Thank you for your support, thoughts and love. It's made the day so much easier xx
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