I had a robotic prostectimy on March 20, 2020. I actually had a slight erection occur within a few weeks, but haven't had any more since. My Urologist prescribed Calais, but it hasn't helped at all. I really want to have a full erection again, but really want my normal flacid state as well. I feel at times that I literally have lost my penis through this procedure, but I had to rid my body of the Cancer, which it has done that so far. Prostate cancer killed my father over 25 years ago, and I'm glad that I have rid myself of this cancer. I worried though that it came with a price, but next week I'll be trying injections to help with my erections. I asked my Urologist if I'd have to take them from now on, or if they may help improve my blood flow and actually bring back normal erections through time. He told me that it may just help everything come back through being able to "exercise " in a cense. I hope it does help, but time will tell.
As for sex, I was worried about my ability to have all pleasure since I am a gay man. I have always enjoyed being a bottom the most and was worried about not having pleasure anymore since my prostate was removed. Yet, reading some of the comments on here I feel that may not be an issue. I hope that will be true.
My biggest question is whether I should let my Urologist know that I am gay, and about the fact that my erections are not my only concern. Should I discuss this with him. I do feel he can help me with the erection issues, but how will he feel about my anal sex issues. Of course, my main concern for now is the rsk of damage to the area where my prostate was located. I realize that my urethra was reattached to my bladder after the prostate removal, and I don't want to risk any damage to that area. Is this a concern? In anyone's opinion should I open up to my Urologist about all these concerns or just continue to "hide" the fact that I am gay. I have many more concerns with all of my body since my procedure. He is a young doctor and somehow I kinda feel comfortable enough to discuss all of this with him. In anyone's opinion should I talk to him. I see him next week for him to show me how the inject the medicine into my penis, which for me is going to be embarrassing enough, since I'm not happy with my penis' condition and even though he's a doctor I'll feel uncomfortable having to show him it. I don't want to make him uncomfortable asking these questions, but should I try anyway?
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HI--I'm 12 yrs out from DaVinci surgery. I am in Seattle and gay isn't really an issue with my doctors. I think it's an important part of your care and your care team should know. I don't know where you are and what your options would be if he reacts badly. That you have to evaluate. You are over 6 months out. I think you are good to go for bottoming. I find getting f***ed is just as pleasurable as before. Good luck.
8 months is plenty of time for all the surgery sites to heal. You may want to try fingering yourself first. For me, erections have returned and I was likewise prescribed Tadalifil to be taken daily, but I had to scale back dosage because it was resulting in painful erections. Even more important than erections is the ability to orgasm. I've found that there's nothing better for your pelvic floor muscles. And yes, it's possible to orgasm without an erection. What has been disappointing for me is the lack of anal stimulation that I used to have. My once over-sensitive G-spot is no more. The nerves short-circuited between my anus and penis. BTW, I'm six months out and have been probing down there since about six weeks after my surgery. No accidents to report thus far. Just remember the lube and to trim your nails.
Oh and as far as being gay, I wouldn't expect much from your care team. I live in the SF Bay Area and you'd think my docs would be well informed on gay men's issues. Not so. Medicine is still very hetero-centric. I'm still not answering post-surgery surveys that assume I'm attempting to insert my penis in a vagina. When they ask why I've neglected those questions, I outright tell them that I'm gay and historically am a bottom, to which they have very little to respond. I even had a nurse practitioner scoff at the idea that a gay man experiences a prostatectomy differently than a straight man, as though prostate massage and stimulation is some sort of urban myth.
Getting your erections back can take time - as long as 2 years. But if you don’t use it you can lose it so the injections are a good idea.
There are doctors who specialise in erection issues post surgery. For example. mskcc.org/cancer-care/docto... John Mulhall at mskcc has made quite a few videos that are worth watching. He has a practice that has 8 nurse practitioners. One is dedicated to gay men.
As for bottoming, the only guideline is the British NHS that says to leave it for 6 weeks after surgery and then start slow. I did that and it worked fine.
A year later I get erections using Cialis daily. But for a really good session, I take half a viagra. Very happy with the result.
That said, I’m 60. 60% of men my age have erection problems. So I have lots of playmates that don’t get erections, or who get weak ones. We play just fine and enjoy it just as much.
I’m alive. I can and do play and have lots of fun. I count myself as very fortunate.
Hey Chainmale. The time to find a doctor comfortable with gay issues was before, but that's done & over, so yes, you should tell him, and since he's young that does increase the chances he'll be knowledgeable and not be negative. I don't know where you are but here at the University of Minn all medical students go through a pretty good program and most come out pretty comfortable with gay people--my urinary docs were both fine. But as Trump may have told you the Twin Cities is a pretty liberal place, and some other places are, well, not quite there yet. As far as pleasure in bottoming, yes, I can testify it's quite possible after surgery. I guess it varies from person to person and I'm on the better end of that result, no pun intended. By the way, some people react better to Viagra than Cialis (I do) and you might want to try that. And don't give up -- the standard wisdom is that progress on erectile functioning happens up to a year and a half afterwards, and using what you've got helps that progress. I have even made progress beyond that "window". Good luck with all this. Have fun practicing.
Totally talk to your doctor. I told mine before surgery. All are very supportive. My erections continued to improve for over 3 years. Not quite as hard but good do miss the cum. Orgasms are very intense.
lots of good and valid response comments. I truly believe - and live the position - that if " THEY " can't " DEAL " with your sexuality and the issues you are having - change Doctors. This is 2020 and we have fought for our rights to be treated with integrity and respect. It's bad enough that we have this cancer in our lives and have to deal with all the side effects. To have to put up with homophobia from our care people is completely unacceptable.
Absolutely change. I had a very competent radiation oncologist who was just the wrong fit. I can't say he was homophobic. And it wasn't anything he said -OK, maybe it was. It was more that he simply did not communicate well, and did not take the time to listen. Luckily, my hospital had a cancer social work who was introduced to me at the same time I met that doctor. At that time I made a point of identifying myself as Gay. When I called her to explain the fact that I wasn't feeling comfortable with my doc, she offered the option of changing doctors. Then she asked "Do you trust me to set you up." I did and was very happy with the results. I ended up with a young FOD doc who takes the time to explain everything to me and doesn't feel offended if I have gone off and looked at academic research. I also can feel comfortable talking about intimate issues. The only person who can stand up for yourself, is yourself. If you do change, find out what you value in a doctor and see if you/they have someone who has progressive qualities on their resume or if they have resources to help you pick a doc. Sometimes you can talk to a nurse and see what they think.
Yes, tell him and if he can't deal with who you are, find another doctor.
You might want to consider a penis pump to assist in the rehab. There's a study, "Restore," out of U of MN that is geared towards gay men with prostate cancer. The study provided the pump, a very helpful website (complete with frank discussion and videos), and sildenafil pills. The pump they provided helped restore erection function. Alas, apparently little can be done to restore penis length and girth.
Re bottoming. I use to enjoy but radiation did a number on me. BMs are too frequent and urgent now; fearful of an "accident." But still hoping to retrain my parts to permit it. We'll see.
I think you should talk with him, or if you feel like you can't speak with this urologist about it, look for one you can feel comfortable. There are some online Zoom groups too for gay men. It's a great relief to see and talk with others than you are not alone. No question is out of bounds. And sorry, but your penis won't be very special to your doctor, he's seen them all. You need to get comfortable talking about your penis, orgasm, everything. It's like learning how to talk dirty during sex. If you can do that, just think of him as a trusted partner. Keep taking the Cialis. You have to just think of that as a vitamin for your dick. Take it every day. Every question you ask here, write them down and ask your MD. Report back. That's your homework assignment. Try the questions out with another gay friend so you find a comfortability in saying them out loud. Reach out if you want. Happy to listen and respond if you need it.
I’m a year and a half since surgery and just now starting to get erections (half) from time to time. I find I’m getting them more in the middle of the night. I’m on 7mg of Cialis daily and the doc says to stay on it. He to did tell me it could take a couple of years to get them back. I’m hopeful!
Sharing your sexuality with your Dr is a must and if he/she cannot support you or understand your concerns, then find another Dr that is more open. Like many folks have already said here, our “gay issues” post RP surgery or Radiation are not accounted for as most physicians deal with mostly hetero patients, but lucky for me, my Doctor has provided good advices and shared with me support groups that ádrese our GAY/BI concerns. This site is also a great way to find support and tips. I’m a year post RP surgery 57 y/o, gay, and learning to be a bottom. I’m on Viagra and it works great (lasting for about 4 hours). I’ve not tried Cialis and I may do that, especially since the only difference with Viagra is the lasting results (up to 36 hours), which make it easy if you plan to have sex over a weekend. My fear of bottoming was similar to yours. What if I damage something there?, but to my surprise, fingering and a dildo I bough online helped me to feel the gay pleasure again. I must say, I love getting f*..ed now and I can have more than one orgasm when topped. Although I defined myself as a total top before my RP surgery, I’m now a power bottom and happier than before. My orgasms are intense and without the mess, which is great because I can j/o anywhere and everywhere without the clean up afterward
This is a new and different journey for each one of us, but sharing your story will help you and help others.
Thank you for your comments. I was trying the pills, but wasn't getting the results that I wanted to see. I now realize that I probably wasn't taking enough or using them correctly. Yet, I have tried shots, which brought the first erection that I could fully feel in nearly nine months. I was very pleased to finally have it erect. My doctor did say if it helps it would also help me in my recovery. I hope it does.
I personally have mostly been a bottom, and unfortunately haven't been sexually active for a few years, since my husband is the top, and his diabetes has given him ED for many years. He hasn't talked to a doctor about it. Yet, sonce the shot helps me, I am closer to getting hi. To consider seeing a Urologist to help him as well. I told him that he'd feel much better about. Life he it helps bring back.his erections. Of course, time will tell.
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Gay men should NEVER have a prostatectomy
Robotic Surgery Scar Healing
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