Prostate Cancer And Gay Men
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Resuming sexual activities?

Just had prostate removal (1 week ago) and want to know when most can re-start their sexual activities. Is it OK to start masturbating the next day? week? month....?

I know there is shrinkage in the penis ... but how are the testicles effected? Do the testicles produce less and get smaller or no changes?

Throughout my entire ordeal, no health care professional asked me if I was straight or gay ... and I think that is a major accomplishment. It does not matter!

Appreciate any feedback.

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If you begin masturbation, just be careful--maybe gentle fondling. You don't want to disturb incision(s) or internal healing. The surgery alone should not affect your testicles, but the loss of the prostate means no more ejaculate. Even if you're into it, avoid bottoming for months. The minimum I typically see is six months. Good luck with your recovery!

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Size loss starts immediately, so penile rehab should start as soon as possible after the cath comes out (get your doctor's permission). That means frequent masturbation and use of a vacuum pump at least daily. If anything hurts, stop, and let it rest for a few days before resuming. You should already be on nightly low-dose ED meds - if not, start right away. In 6 weeks you can try trimix injections if you haven't had nighttime erections by then.

There are some differences for gay men with prostate cancer. Anal intercourse may require at least a 3 month wait before sex can resume, and the top needs a much harder erection for anal penetration than for vaginal penetration. Sexual issues are more salient for gay men, and psychological/image issues are worse.

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Agree, on trying to even force getting erections, though one may not seem interested at all. I believe it is after six weeks, if not regularly stimulated, you will begin to lose size; and it's mostly permanent. But they never tell you that, and I had my seeds in 2005. (Only heard a doc mention it a couple years ago publicly.)

Anyway, I used to top 8, and lost 2.5 length and girth combined. Ended up looking like a turtle. Got a good vacuum pump and gained back 1.5 in 6 months; but one must have power erections to gain or increase; thus have been stalled because of ED (also have vascular disease), but thankful to have gotten some back. Cancer free since then; but loss of malehood is devastating, and the joy thereof. Never was a player, nor had a love-partner. So the irony of never having known complete joy is worse than destructive at this age.

Idea is to pull on your glans as far as it will stretch (firmly but not roughly) -- and that's the maximum size you will ever be. So I was told, either before or after your treatments. Though penile shrinkage is a natural part of aging; once you lose your morning woodies, you are going down. Jelqing is also a good option, but the manual routine is tedious, and slower results if any, than a pump. But, anything helps. Much like going to the gym, period. Some guys will gain like crazy; others are much slower, if/or at all....

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Be patient and don't set your expectations so high that you risk serious disappointment. If you are in a relationship, resume your sexual activity by gentle fondling, holding, kissing, cuddling, etc. Bring your partner to climax but neither of you should expect this for you right now. It will happen in time--or it won't--but you are hopefully cancer free which is the main thing. You are going to have to get used to a new reality. Your sex life will never be quite the same. And avoid anal sex for now. Be creative and stay in touch with this group. We are here for you. We all know this sucks, no pun intended, but we have to try to stay strong and not define ourselves or relationships primarily by their sexual component. I think this introduces an element of uncertainty into any relationship but this may make it stronger and take it to a deeper level. Good luck!

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I found (find) it very helpful for doctors to know that I am gay. First, you learn if the doctor is sensitive to the sexual activities of gay men, or if s/he is homophobic. Since sex is such a huge concern with this procedure it would only make sense. So, I would just differ and say it does matter.

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My surgeon knew I was gay and was quite understanding of my questions and my needs. In discussing my being penetrated, she cautioned me against anal sex until at least six months post-operation. And then, urged me to wait three more months. When my husband and I at last agreed he would insert his penis into my anus, we discussed it for an entire evening, how I should alert him to any pain, any difficulty, etc. He was very, very gentle in penetrating me and just as gentle once deep within me. I went for a check-up two weeks after, and nothing had been broken or disturbed.

But I am very glad that I was open about my sexuality with my surgeon. The more your doctor knows about you, the more informed are her decisions and advice.

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