I haven't been posting and replying on here very long but I have something I need to ask since this looks like where I'm going to be getting all my support from. I don't want to sound like a quitter and I'm not asking for any sympathy. I also know we all have our own problems other than the reason we are on here. So here goes.
My dad passed away about a year and a half ago at the age of 92 of natural causes. I know he was miserable the last couple of years and wanted to ask him this but the time to ask never came about. As for me I've been miserable these last couple of years and then I found this out. Sometimes I wish I never would of had this routine checkup done so I would of never know until it was really to late. What am I saying. I already think I'm to late. Anyway, this question would be for anyone that has had to start any kind of treatment. What Keeps You Going? I'm only asking because I don't know what I'm going to have to do to accept this challenge and I now know I have too accept it. It's just right now the further I look ahead into my future the worst is yet to come. I can't find anything to look forward to so why go through this. Just give me pain pills. This might sound like I have already given up before I even started but I don't mean to sound like this. I don't want to be like this. I just want to stop being so negative. I have never had so many negative thoughts go through my mind as I do right now. What do I have to do to put positive thoughts back in my head?
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Number1gland
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You have a version of prostate cancer that may be curable.
This "looking ahead into my future" is a really bad idea. You have no idea what the future will be, and what you imagine is much worse than any likely scenario.
I strongly recommend psychotherapy and antidepressants to help get you through this part.
I think your Dad was ready to go at 92 but you are much younger I guess you are fed up with life but I hope you feel better soon. I am a Christian and I find comfort and solace from God and Jesus - knowing that they love me
Please try to be respectful of the role of faith.....the above comment regarding Christ won’t jell with lots of us, but it doesn’t come close to proselytizing. Proselytizing will be deleted and is deleted..probably more than many here know.
It was a suggestion. "Please." No demands. I believe the initial comment was edited after my response to leave out the proselytizing, otherwise I wouldn't have chosen that word.
The answer to what keeps anyone going is different for each person, and only you can find it for yourself or in yourself. Support from friends and family --even friends in an online group like this one, whom you may never meet in person--can be important. Psychotherapy and antidepressants can be important; your father's suffering may have triggered something in you you don't entirely understand, and I can certainly sympathize there--I remember something perhaps like that happening to my father when his father died. But I'm speculating here and I'm no professional and I could be way off base. Religion can be important, as some people have already pointed out. Just sitting down and making a list of what's important to you can help some people.
Give yourself some time and patience if you can. Get help with the decisions you have to make. Feed yourself well! I had a depression before I was diagnosed with cancers (two of them at once) and believe me it took time and work to get out of it (and a low dose anti-dep, which I still take). But you're not me, nor are you any of the other people who might answer and try to be helpful. I hope you find your way through this.....
I'm really sorry to hear your plight.
Firstly perhaps you could give more details of your prostate cancer I.e. biopsy and/or MRI or bone scan results. It's difficult to judge if you are really "too late".
Acceptance, I guess is what we're all trying to find. Prostate cancer, like any cancer brings us face to face with our mortality and even if it's not imminent it's a struggle to accept. Someone called Kubler Ross once identified that there are 5 ways in which people react to death, whether it's their own or that of someone close to them. These 5 obviously include depression, but also include anger or " bargaining", denial AND acceptance. It may be no consolation but although someone may not experience all of these, people do move through them and don't necessarily get stuck in any one.
You are clearly depressed and one of the features of depression is that you believe that you can't get out of the depression. The good news is that it is possible.
Another feature of depression Is that things look far worse than they may be. The good news is that if you can deal with the depression, things may not seem so bad.
So you have two major things to deal with, the cancer and your depression.
As regards the cancer, you may have to be realistic. It may actually realistically be curable. Without detail no one on this site can say it is. Realistically, what evidence have you got that it isn't curable. You only have to accept it's too late if you have clear evidence it is.
As regards the depression there are lots of practical things you can do. There are both immediate thing you can do and longer term things you can do.
Immediate things - don't be alone. If you can be with others as much as possible. There may be support groups where you live. This site can be supportive, but it's limited and some posts aren't supportive at all.
Since your depression is "reactive", as a response to your cancer (and recent death of your father), some antidepressants may help. These will take the edge off and enable you to deal with things on a longer term.
In the longer term antidepressants aren't the ideal solution. Psychotherapy isn't entirely appropriate either, (although it's a much misused or misinterpreted term). Psychotherapy is also expensive and may take ages to work. A more useful option might be a "talking therapist" I.e. a person centred counsellor with whom you can talk through your fears and gain a better perspective on them.
There's also a spiritual element to your situation, you may be asking yourself questions like, what does life mean anyway, what purpose have I got. If you're religious it would be useful to reaffirm your faith in some way, mainly by spending time with others of the same faith. Research has shown that people with a faith, do cope better.
If you're not religious I can thoroughly recommend a technique called "mindfulness", particularly mindfulness CBT, (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy). Research has shown that this can be as effective as antidepressants for moderate depression. It is a treatment recommended and provided by the UK National Health Service. The NHS does not offer treatments that don't work!
The key element of mindfulness is to focus on the "here and now" not thoughts of other times or places, fears for the future etc. Mindfulness is a spiritual practice without being religious, (although it is actually derived from buddism).
There are lots of books available, but it's also better to do a course or find a mindfulness CBT practitioner.
I attended a course after my cancer diagnosis and because of it. I actually came to feel better than I did before my diagnosis.
It's not so simple a thing to do, but I hope you find a way, it's possible. The worse thing you can do, is not to do anything.
I think you are thinking about "depth psychotherapy." I assure you, modern psychotherapy is very goal oriented and is usually very limited term. My psychotherapist taught me some very useful mindfulness techniques, and got me exploring what a cancer diagnosis meant to me based on my familial experience. That was very useful, as I was carrying around a lot of extra baggage based on people dealing with other cancers.
Thanks for the clarification, I think you use the term "psychotherapy" differently in the US. What you describe souinds more like what we'd call "counselling". I think that means something different in the US too so have started using the term "talking therapy"
Good that you've heard of mindfulness, of which I believe there are different varieties, but I'm sure they all have some benefit.
We usually reserve the term psychoanalysis to refer to depth psychotherapy (i.e., Jungian, Freudian, etc.). I practice mindfulness every day. It has become a habit of being. Amazing effectiveness in reducing anxiety and depression.
P.S., Sorry, I just read your earlier post. I agree with what others say there. Your cancer is "locally advanced" with no evidence of metastases. I'm guessing it's Gleason 4 + 3. This suggests there is potentially curative treatment available.
I realise there are more choices available in the U.S. and you have to make the choice more or less yourself. It's simpler in the UK, you are are offered a more limited but highly recommended options.
I think in your case you would be offered radiation treatment with adjuvant hormone therapy (temporary).
I understand there there are no definite answers, only likelihoods. But, things may not be as bad as you fear.
Hi Num, I can totally identify with the thoughts of not doing any treatment at all. I was in this position not so long ago. I realized a lot of my identity was tied into my ability to perform sexually. As shallow as I feel this may sound I actually thought of not getting treatment as well. However, I had to look beyond my self-perception and realize that my decision also affects the people in my life and all the plans and goals I had before discovering this issue. Life is forever throwing us curve balls, and sometimes I really get tired of swinging the bat...lol (no pun intended). But my saving grace is that I am able to realize that there are maybe others out there who have fewer options than I and would probably love to be in my shoes with my problems. I know it feels hopeless right now, but feelings aren't facts and I hope you find some comfort in knowing you are not alone, we are all on this journey together. Thanks again for your honesty and willingness to be so candid about your feelings around this situation.
As some already mentioned despair at some point in the process happens to most, if not all of us diagnosis with prostate cancer. I contend the despair is probably more at the beginning of the process when one tries to wrap their head around having to live with this illness for the rest of their life. This forum is a wonderful place to help people transcend their fear and dread of the unknowing. Take it one day at a time. Tell yourself today you're going to put your best foot forward and try to be a little more upbeat than yesterday. Subsequently you'll than need to think a little more positively. I'm not very religious, but in my short 58 years in this consciousness called life, when I cultivate my spirit through positive thoughts and actions despair is less and life tend to have more purpose and meaning.
First off I want to apologize for not responding to all of you that gave such good advise sooner. Didn't mean to leave everyone hanging.
After my last post I had to just get away so I took a few days and went back to where I'm originally from to visit what little family (cousins) I have left and a couple of friends I have had since childhood. I haven't seen any of these people in years and boy what a wake up I was given. Talk about tough love. I was called everything from a pussy to a coward and everything in between.
This must of been what I needed. After all the name calling I was reminded of who I am and where I am from. I have come back with a whole new attitude. For lack of a better term I'll just say I saw the light. It had been so long since I had been back to the mountains that I had forgotten who I was.
Anyway, now that I have accepted the cards I have been dealt, took an ass whoopin and got enough hugs to last a life time I have started ADT. 50 MG of bicalutamide a day and I have had one Lupron shot. Since starting this I was told I am responding well to the treatment. PSA went from 44 down to .57. Not really sure how to take this just yet.
Where I am being treated they offer proton therapy and I go the first of the year for my second talk with the radiologist.
I've decided I'm going to beat this shit's ass and if not? From here on out I will live regret free. Life is good.
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