My partner had Robotic Prostatectomy 11 days ago. I stayed with him for 10, and waited on him hand and foot. Through my back out assisting him in and out of the bed. But I live and work 2 hours away. I feel so guilty for leaving him but could not get extra time off work.
Anyway, today he overdid it. Wiped off his car and probably other things around the house, and tonight he had some bleeding. I feel responsible.
1- I keep reading that bleeding at this stage is normal, as the surgery site scabs, there will be blood. But for how long?
2- Survivors. How do you address your feelings? I think partner is going to really suffer if he doesn’t address the fear and depression he’s dealing with. I can tell from the self deprecating comments that he’s trying to make light of his sadness. I don’t know what to do to help.
3- Sex, how do deal with the issue of sex. I’m 10 years younger than him and while I enjoy sex, it’s not a priority for me. Him, on the other hand, (prior to surgery) would literally have sex 3 times a day if I agreed to it. But now he wants to engage in pleasing me orally. But I don’t really want it. But I feel like he will react as if I am rejecting him if I tell him no right now. Suggestions?
4- I know it’s a ways down the road, but after his biopsy, there was a lot of blood when he ejaculated. It traumatized me. I’m honestly still having trouble being intimate because of it. How is your sex life after suregery?
Sorry for the details, but I’m looking for some encouragement. The hard(er) part is that our relationship is already on shakey ground, and I was on the verge of ending the relationship when he got the word about having the surgery. Now I can’t tell why I’m here exactly. But since I’m seeing my commitment through, I want to bring the best of me to the situation.
I know every man/situation is unique. And I am talking to my therapist (believe me!). But I sought out this group to get support, encouragement and guidance from people that have been down the road I’m headed on. So, your advice is greatly appreciated.
You're in a highly complicated situation. Your partner has experienced terrible trauma -- physical, emotional & mental. Healing will take a long time with loving support. You're in a tough situation, living two hours away. And, it's understandable that you find yourself confused & conflicted given this is a new relationship & you had already developed misgivings. So now the guilt. Talking to professional therapist(s) -- both of you -- would help. Reading up on prostate cancer (PCa) is essential to help you appreciate what is involved & the impact on the man. Most are devastated as their sense of manhood is often deeply tied to their sexual performance. There are several good books but I don't remember titles off the top of my head. I'll write again with one or two that might be helpful. Good luck.