Weekend Resentment and Anger

[Seabird55]

I have a one year old and have gone back to work part time three weeks ago. My wee one goes to a childminder Monday, Wednesday, Friday and seems really happy. I feel good being back at work and still having two days with my little one. The weekday routine I seem to have got, but it is the weekends that I am really struggling with. My partner works full time during the week and has weekends off. When it is just me and the little one, I am fine, but with all three of us I end up feeling angry, frustrated and resentful. I feel that at the weekends we should share the parenting and responsibilities but I basically feel I am still doing it all and just having to manage my partner's needs and wants on top of my little one's. I tried to talk to my partner about it but he just keeps on saying we can 'get in some help'. This drives me crazy as we don't need outside help, I just need him to be a parent and take responsibility. I feel like a control freak and that I am being really irrational and annoying but I am finding the transition from weekday to weekends really tricky. Any advice much appreciated. Thank you.

[SRA8]

I recommend the book 'how not to hate your husband after having kids'. Lots of practical and interesting info.

[FlyerFlower777]

I totally understand this, I’m sure many do. I went back to work after 6 months, worked 5 days per week including international work travel so daughter was in nursery M-F. It’s exhausting, I was guilt-ridden and I needed weekends to recharge, especially since I was an older Mum at 43. Partner works roster pattern, so entirely unpredictable but has many days off. I’m afraid I just got to the point on this…. It’s a team sport, not a solo sport, step up… it’s not wonderful, the lion’s share will typically always fall to the Mother, but simply saying- over to you - is what I do, with a reminder that parenting is 24/7, I need help, daughter needs you… etc seems to have some effect.

It’s hard going… but she is worth it ❤️

PS. You’re doing great

[Zeebee14]

I could’ve written this! No advice really but I hear you.

I have to ask for him to help with our baby, she’s 15 months old now, and I get snippets of help here and there after asking. I’m the default parent while he decides how he wants to spend his spare time. It’s so frustrating.

I think it might be to do with the fact that I was off on maternity leave taking care of the baby, so I know all the details of what needs doing. He’s said that when he tries to do something, in there telling him how to do it better and that I’m too controlling. I find it hard to let go of control though. I can just clearly see all the things he’s not doing the same way as how I do them and I want to intervene.

I hope things get better for you. X

[Rmpo]

For me I found that trying to get my partner to do stuff with our baby just in weekends was not working. It also depends how you split your house work and routine pre baby. My husband seems to do more of the actual housework than me because he can't sit still. I plan out and write lists and he works through them most of the time. It's different with a baby but I had to try and establish something that worked for us. Neither of us felt like we were naturals at parenting.

I felt like you about a month or so after my daughter was born. So from about 2 months old I made my partner get up 1-2hrs earlier for work to entertain her and read her a story after the morning feed. In the evenings as soon as he got back he took her for a walk.

Over the weekend we all sleep in a bit and he still looks after her the whole morning and I am always so tired I end up just chilling in bed.

Now my daughter is 7 months and it looks like she knows now when dad is there and it's daytime she naturally wants to be with him now especially when she wakes up.

Some days if he is very busy at work he will sleep in or leave early and it's OK.

[Gardener11]

sorry to hear what you’re struggling with. I think many go through this. Since my lo was born I made certain things the dads job such as bath time and now he is weaned breakfast and getting ready for nursery is his job too. At first it took a lot of guidance and input from me but now they just get on with it and enjoy their time together. If he ever doesn’t want to help when I need it I just remind him that he decided to have a child and it’s our joint responsibility.

Perhaps try to delegate specific tasks and build up over time as he gets more confident.

Good luck!

[CJohns]

hi lovely - I get it. Our little one is 21 months now and it can still be a bit of a battle. It’s always ‘daddy daycare’ when they have them for a few hours, and you come home and the house hasn’t been tidied/dishes done etc, and sometimes you even question if it’s worth you ever having your own time because you still have to double up on house work etc

It’s got easier over time, I will say that. And now I don’t feel guilty when I want to do my own stuff - I tell him that I’ve got stuff booked in and he has to be there. Even just an hours walk with the dog. We agree that anything we have booked in we have to write on the kitchen calendar ahead of time.

We also share bath and bedtime route between us (something I dictated) regardless whether it is one of my week days off or not.

It really will get easier, but I just don’t think they get that even on your days off, it’s hard work. I make it clear that actually going to work it’s ALOT easier and less draining than looking after our little boy xx