My LG is 4 months today she’s my first child and I’m only 23 so feel like quite a young first time mum
I’ve been reading lots of baby advice on the internet of how to help with bedtime etc and it’s made me feel like such a failure 😫😫
We have no routine what so ever she’s like a different baby everyday, all these sites say we should have routine be doing this and that and I just don’t see us being like that?? One day she could be happy have bottles spaced out play on her own laugh giggle and then the next cry all day not go to sleep till really late just generally being hard work
I feel we have no set ways like we should and with this lockdown it’s even worse because I have no family support and my partner finds it’s really stressful when she’s having a bad day which means I tend to do a lot on my own
I feel like I’m failing my little girl for not having set bed times or leaving her to play or cry a little I just find it hard and feel like most the time she’s sat on my knee or being nursed because she just won’t stop crying
Think my point is does everyone have a set routine and a perfect day to day of raising there LO??
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Rebecca2019
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First of all there is no right or wrong way so don’t worry 🙂. Have you got the app wonder weeks? That’s really helpful to know why a baby might be grumpy or crying a bit more than usual. They go through “growth spurts” where they learn a lot of new things etc. We never had a routine at 4 months and we never went out our way to make a routine it just sort of happened and now at just over 2 years she does have one.
Please don’t think you are a failure. Every baby is different xx
First of all you're not failing her at all. Please don't be so hard on yourself, things are really tough at the moment when you can't get out of the house or have visitors to help out. You're a superstar for getting this far mostly on your own!
My son is 11 weeks old and my husband is a key worker so I am on my own a lot. We have a feeding routine but only because he was 7 weeks premature and we were under the care of the community outreach feeding team (until today). We had to feed him every 3 hours even if he was asleep. I understand how tough it can be.
My advice would be speak to your health visitor, they are there to offer help and support. Try not to read up too much on the Internet, it'll only make you feel worse. It's not always as easy as they make things out to be sometimes. Try not to compare yourself to others, they may seem to have a good routine but people don't always share the bad bits of their day!
All those sites and books are great at making us feel useless! I try and street clear of them now!.
My girl is 8 months and we still don't have a routine, all I do if feed her when she's hungry, put her to sleep when she's tired, change her when she's dirty and play with her and give her lots of love and cuddles.
If you're little girl is eating, getting love and being nurtured then ignore anything else. She'll find a natural routine in time, try not to spend too much time worrying your getting it wrong, that's enough pressure in the world and on mums without adding to it by trying to achieve these miraculous things these articles make you feel you should be achieving! Best of luck xx
Thankyou so much for your comments I just sometimes get the feeling I’m the only parent not following a rule book and that my LG is going to turn out into this awful person all because of me, she’s teething at the minuites and that’s really stressful in itself so just worrying that she’s never going to have a routine.
It’s really good to know that I’m not the only one x
Teething is an awful stage to go through . You’ll be sleep deprived and so will baby. Try not to be so hard on yourself. By the way there is no perfect way to parent.. we all have our bad days and our good days. Your little one won’t grow to be a bar person because of this stage. You have to take care of yourself too. If your stressed place baby in a safe place and take 5 minutes to yourself . Baby isn’t going very far at 4 months if safe in cot or pram for say 5 minutes 💜 you got this mamma xxx
There is no rule book, my sister in law followed this book and they swore by it, but we just let our LG do what she wanted and from day dot she just fell into a routine which she stuck to.
Teething can be a pain aswell, we use nelsons teething granules and give her calpol x
Hi, my baby is nearly four months old too and I can relate to what you say about feeling like you have a different baby every day! Every time I think I'm starting to get into some kind of pattern, something changes and everything goes out the window. I was reading a book that says "baby should be doing this..." and "baby should be doing that..." etc and it made me feel bad because my baby wasn't doing anything they said he should be! I thought I was doing something wrong or that there was something wrong with my baby, but now I realise that is not the case. All babies are different and develop at their own pace, and four months is an incredibly short time to have been alive! I think babies of this age are too busy getting used to the world to be able to follow any kind of routine. Similar to what someone said above, now I just try to respond to my babies needs and give him as much love, cuddles and fun as possible! I try to go with the flow and not have too many expectations, and I feel much more relaxed with that kind of attitude. I'm sure you're doing great. It's hard anyway, but even more so with the whole lockdown situation. Go easy on yourself and ignore anyone that says "baby should..."!
It’s just awful if she doesn’t settle or isn’t doing something I instantly google it and it comes up with all these do’s and donts I try to follow them but 9 times out of 10 it just makes her or me very unhappy 😫
I read that babies should be in bed for Atleast 7/8 o’clock and I really struggling with that she didn’t go to sleep till 11.45 last night and it’s made me feel like the worst person and tonight it was half 8! It makes me feel like I’m depriving her even though I’m letting her do what she wants to do x
My little boy is 10 months old and we still dont have a set routine. He does go to bed around 8ish now but at 4 months its could be anywhere between 9pm and midnight. I used to feel like I was doing something wrong as all my friends babies were down by 7. But I just follow his cues now and that works for us. Please don't feel like you are doing anything wrong all babies are different x
Thankyou it’s making me feel a little better she’s been going to sleep around 6ish and I was thinking that was her bedtime but then she would wake up at half 7 so it was obviously just her last nap even though she has had a bottle and bath but then goes off to sleep about 9 xx
I'm not an expert (far from it!) but I don't think it matters what time a baby goes to bed at this age. I don't think I've ever gotten my son to bed for 7 or 8 and he's perfectly happy and healthy! The only thing I do regularly is bath my baby at 7:30pm and put him in pyjamas. We then dim the lights in the bedroom and I feed and cuddle him etc until he goes to sleep. Sometimes this takes 30 minutes, sometimes it takes several hours! Sometimes he's quite happy and settled, and goes to sleep easily, other times he cries a lot or wakes after I think he's settled. I don't stress about it anymore, but just go with it. I think it's quite unrealistic to have a 4 month old settled in bed by a certain time, and trying to do this will just create more stress and pressure for you. Honestly, once I stopped expecting things of myself and my baby life became much easier!
Hi Rebecca, don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re doing great. Also remember that babies are little beings who never live the same day twice. They’re developing and go through growth spurts which can affect their mood and well being which has nothing to do with your parenting. Keep going, she’ll settle and you’ll find your rhythm. Good luck...x
First don’t feel like a failure . Babies don’t come with instructions . Babies are also hard work and know how to test our patience and know how to push boundaries . Keep going mamma you got this . Lots of love 💓 xx
Hi. I had my first daughter when I was 23 ☺️ You are 💯 not failing. I didn’t have a routine at 4 months. They are still so little and I was breast feeding in demand. Just go with the flow and do what you feel is best. Don’t listen to all the ‘susans’ on social media who think they know best. You know what’s right and best for your baby, all babies are different. Enjoy and don’t stress. I’m 34 now and pregnant with my second. Me and my daughter have the best relationship, I loved being a young mummy xx
Hey, you're not failing at all! And I so know how you feel as I was there 2 months ago myself! Everyone's babies was sleeping 4-8 hr stretches and I had my son wake up every 70-90 minutes all night long! All the sleeping training I read just made me feel more and more like a failure as you start thinking oh I've not done this and that and I've fked it haven't I, but you haven't! Babies are humans not robots, and they are all different and going through different things. I decided to just go with the flow with my son, at night I ended up co sleeping on the floor with a matress with him and in the day I cuddled him to sleep. I decided he needed it. When he turned 5 months things seemed to change and he became restless in my arms so I knew it was time for sleep training.
Sleep training is a very personal thing and just do what you can see yourself doing every day with the routine before bedtime. I choose to give a little massage which I looked up on Youtube, then change nappy and dress him again, feed and then a book and off to bed and I've gone with controlled crying. First week was hard, but I've implemented this now for both nighttime and naps. Some days he sleeps within 5 minutes, others he cries for an hour and I've given up and picked him up and played with him some more and tried in 15-30 minutes again even thou he was clearly tired. At 4 months your baby is still so tiny and she relies on you, you're her only access to the world.
Don't be so hard on yourself, I know it feels like forever but just give her some good cuddles and love and also try to use her nap times to do something for yourself, I've started painting by numbers, crochet and reading again!
For nap time I usually go roughly by time, so at 4 months you probably want to get her to sleep after 1.5-2hrs awake time. She'll probably fight it, but as I said eventually it becomes routine, some nap times are easier, some worse x
You're doing a great job! And this is so hard not being able to see anyone else, hang in there, video chat with people do video play dates etc xx
Hi Rebecca, please dont be hard on yourself. I had my first child shortly after I turned 20, and my entire pregnancy my mum drilled into me how important a routine is, so my life became military precision and yes she may have slept through the night from 7 weeks old, I never rocked her in my arms to sleep, I never do slept, I didn't really enjoy being a mum at all. I was just on autopilot doing my job by the schedule. Looking back now, I feel like I robbed us both of our most important time to bond. No matter what we do as mums, we will always look back and think "well I could've done that better"
There is absolutely no right or wrong, and if you find your routine (or lack of) isn't working for you, then take small steps to change it. I do believe that children thrive off a routine, I'm due my 4th child soon and raising my 3rd I do feel like I got the balance of routine and bonding just right, not trying to make you feel bad, remember it took me 3 kids to get there haha!!
Anyway, just do what works for you. I childmind and some children I've looked after dont have a routine at all and the parents love it that way. So you're not failing, we just all do it differently!!! Just enjoy everyday, because they grow unbelievably quick and you cant get this time back xxx
Also..I live by the motto, if my kids are healthy and still breathing at the end of everyday I've done something right 🤣👍🏼
As someone who’s just had their second baby I can categorically say that babies will just do what they want! I am doing everything the same and baby number 2 is so different. Baby number 1 allowed the routine because he was ready for it. Baby number 2 is nowhere near a routine because he’s just not ready for one. I would just go with the flow but maybe write down the day to day feedings and naps etc and you might find that a routine is actually starting to emerge. I know I felt like there was no routine at all but when I wrote it down, I realised that there was a routine, albeit a little loose!
They're all people with a book hun. It's not all practical in real life. Each baby is different! Our son wasnt in a proper set routine until he turned one.
It's hard to get a baby in a routine with feeding and napping n everything! It was easier when he was 1 because he has set meal times although it's not bang on the dot everyday. He understood that he would have his tea, bath, get his jarmers on and bed. They dont understand that as a baby.
He has phases where he would sleep well in a 'routine' for a couple of months then he'd be up n wouldn't sleep.
You're definitely not failing your little one! Dont worry ❤
Hi, babies aren't robots - they change from day to day... sometimes my baby boy -8 months - will sleep all night , other nights will be up wide awake at 3 in the morning. So they have off days - maybe she isn't feeling too well at times - maybe she hasn't had enough sleep. They have their good days and bad - just like us.
Why not play with your baby, look at books , tickle her - put on music, sing to her . When she is crying cuddle. Hope this helps.
Oh and don't worry too much about bedtimes etc- it all comes together in the end. Had years of problems getting my little girl in a routine but now at 3 she goes up to bed after her bath same time each night. They get there in the end. Don't beat yourself up about it - enjoy your baby and being a mum.
Hey Rebecca, as you can see from the replies every baby is different. My little girl is 3 months and I wondered what I was doing wrong too. I soon realised that if you speak to other mums they lie a lot about how they are getting on🤣 So don’t bother trying to compare you and your baby to anyone. I also realised that ‘routine’ just means doing the same things in the same order everyday. I too searched the internet for the magic answer until I actually spent a few days noting down feed times, nap lengths, bedtime etc and then I realised we did have a (very loose) routine. She fed roughly around the same times each day, the same with naps and bed. At around 5 weeks we tried the B’s routine as recommended my my midwife. Basically it’s Boob (or bottle), bath, boob, bed. My little one took to this quite quickly and then started waking only twice at night for feeds. (You split the feed in half either side if bathtime). We did this at different times of the evening, anywhere between 7 and 11pm, but just did the same stuff in the same order. Around 8 weeks I then started trying to sort out day naps as I realised that a lot of the crying was down to her being waaaaay overtired. I didn’t realise just how much sleep babies actually need 🤦🏼♀️ And I didn’t realise that over stimulation also affects them in an odd way, sometimes it looks like they want to play when they are actually really tired. I have to take cues from her for naps and they happen at different times during the day, so not at a set time, it mainly goes feed, play, nappy change, nap. So after a feed we have a little play and I look out for her rubbing her eyes and yawning. As soon as there is both of these I take her to her crib for a nap. Sometimes this is only 15 minutes! It’s not magic but it helps to try and get her to nap before she gets cranky and overtired and screams the house down. We try to do 3 naps a day of 45 mins to 2 1/2 hours depending on how much she sleeps. It’s very much hit and miss as she is still tiny and everyday is different. Sometimes she settles herself, sometimes she wants to be swaddled, or cuddled, or rocked, sometimes she wants the dummy other times she spits it out. Sometimes she will settle on Her side (I hold her there until she is asleep then gently roll her onto her back) sometimes she wants to be on her back. Sometimes she just screams and screams and I just hold her. So it just depends on what she fancies each time. If she screams for a few minutes I pick her up and calm her down. This can take AGES! Then try again. Our record so far is bed at 8pm and no sleep until 4am! If she still won’t settle I start again, bring her out if the bedroom, try another nappy change then another feed possibly. It’s always different!
I’m not sure i’d be doing this if we weren’t in lockdown, but as we are I have plenty of time to devote to it 🤣 I try not to take it too seriously or too expect too much.
Things will start falling into place for you without you realising. It’s just really difficult with the current situation. Good luck 🤞
You are not failure, you are doing an amazing job. It’s not easy being a 1st time mum, people telling you do it this way and that way, then you google things and read into it. You are doing a fab job.
I can’t really help with the routine, as our LG fell into 1 herself straight away, which we were very lucky with. I would recommended the app wonderweeks, it’s great tells you when babies are approaching a growth spurt and helps you.
At 11 weeks, she was having 5 bottles a day, sleeping through the night, if I remember I’m sure she was very clingy around this stage, I found out she was going though a little growth spurt and when these happens, she was grumpy and the days/weeks were really hard.
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