😢 postpartum mental health

[Positive2022]

Evening everyone, I'm so sorry for posting. I desperately need to 'talk'. I have been in tears every night for the past few weeks. I am in tears as we speak.

Has anyone had any struggles with postpartum depression?

I've struggled massively with it - twice. I have been so poorly at one point several months ago, an ambulance was called by the crisis team. I was under the maternal mental health team at the time. Despite me being significantly unwell, I was discharged by them two weeks later. I have struggled to access support since despite actively seeking out help. Mental health support is 💩 in my area. I begged for more help but because I hit my quota of sessions I had to be discharged. Then missed the boat to be followup due to their failings in communicating the pathway clearly.

I literally feel I have hit rock bottom. It's a scary lonely and isolating place to be.

For many reasons really. My history is very complex - infertility, traumatic birth, postpartum haemorrhage, poorly healed episiotomy needing surgery etc.

We also had a significant family bereavement (my young nephew died) and another bereavement all in the same year. My family have been struggling so much due to grief, that they are all not talking at the moment. It's a horrible situation. Desperately trying to keep everyone together despite living miles away.

My 4 year old has had a recent diagnosis of autism. We are seeing some challenging behaviour and she doesn't sleep. Getting out of the house is so so hard because of her difficulties. There have been some developmental concerns regarding youngest (possible early signs of autism). He also doesn't sleep. I have had to give up work. Whilst this is the right decision for my children, it feels I have lost a support network there but work was becoming physically impossible and my job is highly stressful at the best of times.

I have tried to open up about how I'm feeling to people close to me. But unfortunately... Mental health in my family isn't something that's discussed... It is very much 'keep going, soldier on, don't let anyone see the tears' etc. I feel I'm seen as a failure because I've had such a severe decline in my ment health.

I've thought about private therapy (seems the only option....) But we are having to pay privately for assessments for our children due to the exceptionally long waiting times so at this present time, this isn't an option for me.

We also have no local family who can provide any respite. Every channel we have explored to access help and support for my children (and us) have either been declined because we don't meet the criteria, lost in the system causing significant delays etc . It's hard keeping on top of everything. I feel mentally and physically broken 💔 but know I have to keep strong and keep going.....

Not sure what I'm looking for. Any advice on how to keep going would be great, though appreciate there is no obvious solution.

Just having the ability to off load and write my thoughts down is helpful.

Thank you so much for listening xxx

[Twiglet2]

I’m so sorry and well done for sharing, that must have been hard! I don’t have experience of it myself only through a friend, but they found that support from local mental health charities was easier and quicker to access than the actual support provided by the ‘system’ I wonder if there is anything like that nearby? Even if not PND specific it might help ease things a little whilst you wait for the system to sort itself? Again probably the same with respite with your children, sometimes there are local charities but having the actual diagnosis for your daughter should help as well access some support. It’s so hot and miss depending on where you live though and stretched wherever you are I totally feel your frustration! I wonder if you could do an anonymous post in your local Facebook group asking if anyone knows of any local support groups for PND/mental health support and or support or respite for young ASD kids? I always find that route quickest to find out local things than trying to go through the system or goggle etc. good luck lovely and you are doing an amazing job giving up your career (and support network) to support and raise your little ones! I think that makes you stronger than you know and you should be proud of yourself! Xx

[Positive2022 in reply to Twiglet2]

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond and for your kind words. I just needed to vent and get things off my chest. Your pos to has made me feel alot better about myself 😊

[Jogsandwalks]

I'm very sorry to read this. It really sounds like you're going through a hard time at the moment. I don't think I have any suggestions as above. I just wanted to send hugs through the phone. It must be difficult, sounds like you're in survival mode atm. Speak to your kids school teachers maybe, they may be able to support you within the school. Reach out to a close friend maybe. Don't suffer by yourself.

I hope things look up for you soon and you feel better. ❤

[Positive2022 in reply to Jogsandwalks]

Thank you so much for your kind response. Just needed to vent and get things off my chest and have a good cry. Sometimes my emotions just spill over and it feels harder to keep them contained. Feel better for writing things down. Take care ❤️

[Jess1981]

I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. All these things are incredibly difficult . My eldest daughter is also on the autism pathway- we have Portage support ( who are really supportive and knowledgable on autism) it has been a really really difficult as a family to go through. Our 3.5 year old daughter also has speech delay ( which is the main reason we asked for help) and I think has severe and her behaviour is immensely difficult. We were told it was an 18 month waiting list but she is seeing a paediatrician beginning of March ( 7 month wait instead we are very lucky) she's likely to need to go to a specialist school it has been heartbreaking to go through. We also experienced infertility prior to her for 7 years ( due a long delayed diagnosis of my endometriosis) NHS definitely has failings 😞 like yourself we also have a younger child as well to look after. Home start might be able to offer support and respite? Big hugs it is a difficult process but you ever want another mum friend to talk to I'm here feel free to pm me Xxx

[Positive2022 in reply to Jess1981]

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. I'm so sorry you've had a really difficult time too. It's been a very difficult 'journey'for us, sadly we've had quite a negative experience with the autism pathway, very disjointed care, lots of failings in the system. It feels like you're navigating yourself blind through a completely broken system and having to make such a nuisance of yourself just to move a step closer to answers. I hope you are doing okay too. Likewise lovely, my inbox is always open if you neet a chat too 😘

[Flamingo_7900]

I don’t have any additional advice to give, except to say if your partner is in the picture if they work for a big private company or in the public sector they may be able to access some mental health support/counselling for you via their workplace offer.

I’m sorry that you’re going through so much, it sounds like a lot for you and your family to have to deal with all at the same time with limited support. You sound like a very resilient person who is so strong and doing the best you can. It’s awful that you’re not getting more MH support through the maternal team or the wider NHS. Is there a way to get re-referred?

You mention no family locally but I hope you have a support network via friends (perhaps your previous work colleagues?) or mother and baby type networks/groups.

Sending lots of love and hoping things improve for you soon x

[Positive2022 in reply to Flamingo_7900]

Thank you for taking the time to respond. I feel better for writing things down and just having a window to get things off my chest. Emotions have been spilling over alot recently 🙈 sending love and big hugs 🤗

[Beckylcarter87]

I’m so sorry you are feeling so down and are going through so much. I struggled and still am struggling with PND at the moment, I had my son 7 months ago. I took antidepressants and anxiety medication before I got pregnant but stopped them as soon as I found out I was expecting. When I realised I was suffering from PND I didn’t want to go back onto the medication so I looked into private therapy and it’s honestly the best thing I’ve ever done. It has helped me immensely. It was very expensive but I was so desperate to feel better that I just went with it (I’m going to be paying it off for a year but I know it’s worth it.)

If you have any spare money at all I would 100% suggest private therapy.

Best of luck and sending you love x x x

[Positive2022 in reply to Beckylcarter87]

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. I'm so sorry to hear you've had a difficult time too. That's really helpful to know and your advice has given me the ammunition to look into what options there are locally for private therapy. Many many thanks and I'm so glad private therapy helped you. Sending love and big hugs xxx