2 year old social skills/sharing

[Lydialego123]

This morning I dropped my little boy off at nursery and his key worker (who also happens to be the senco) asked to have a word. She asked me to authorise a referral for his social skills.

It surprised me a bit in ways but others not, just looking to see if anyone has had anything similar with their children and how it turned out.

My little boy can be reffered to as a “sensitive soul”, he’s very vocal when he doesn’t like something. However he is generally a very happy little boy, is on track with his language and other skills, it’s just being around other children that’s the concern.

He moved up to this room at nursery in Jan and it’s twice the size of the previous room, it took him a while to settle in, although he’s always struggled at drop off. A couple of months in they mentioned he doesn’t seem to like other children and was I aware of anything, which I wasn’t as most of the weekend etc is spent visiting grandparents and he didn’t get a lot of exposure to other children with me present.

Since then I’ve made an effort to book in play dates with some mums and my sisters to see it for myself. From what I’ve seen he’s happy with others 80% of the time, We’ve played games with other children and I’ve seen him share well most of the time, he also loves doing running races with anyone that will play. The other 20% he gets very upset if another child wants to have what he has or play at the area he’s in.

I saw it happen when I was in the nursery today, he ran over and got a book and another child came to look and he was saying no no no, then the child got a different book and they sat next to each other happily, but another child came close and he got upset again.

From what I can see the upset is generally related to when he’s got something he really doesn’t want to share, and is scared someone’s going to take it off him.

I’m happy that he’s being reffered if they think somethings wrong and someone can help him with this issue as I don’t want him to feel anxious around others, I just wish I knew what to do to help.

[Claireeeeeeeeeeeee]

I personally wouldn't be concerned at 2 and I guess I find it odd that the nursery is. 2 year olds dont have the capacity to share at this age, you can force them to but it actually does more harm in the long run. Also they dont actually play together normally at that age either normally just in the vicinity of other children. Obviously some children will as they have developed earlier and others later. It's all individual choice and there is no wrong or right but I would worry about labeling a 2 year old who potentially could just prefer the quiet and his own company. My eldest struggled in the larger room at nursery as there was just too much going on and it was too busy. Also turned out children would take things she was playing with and the staff cant watch everything all the time so she got quite defensive. I think you have to do what you think is right but a 2 year old with the behaviour you describe wouldn't worry me.

[Lydialego123 in reply to Claireeeeeeeeeeeee]

Thanks for responding, to be honest I tend to feel the way you do, it’s nice to hear of a similar experience. My and my husband are quite introverted and like our own company so I think he’s got that trait from us somewhat, also I wonder if he’s just had a couple of bad experiences with other children taking something he really wants, which is obviously normal but he’s reacted to it in this way. I’ve asked for a copy of the referral so I can read it properly, but I think my guy feel is that this is kind of normal and hopefully he will grow out of it in time.

[SRA8]

Sounds normal to me but i'd go with the referral anyway.

[Lydialego123 in reply to SRA8]

Thank you for responding, I tend to agreee I think that’s why I feel a bit uneasy about the referral, I’m going to read properly what it says and go along with it I think as if help is needed, it’s always welcomed but will see what they say,

[Cheekymonkey85]

I’m a childminder and that doesn’t sound out of the ordinary. Sharing isn’t realistic for any 2 year old. They seem to think sharing means another child gives up their toy the second they demand but that’s turn taking and it annoys me. Seems to me the other children need to learn to wait their turn.

Go along with the referral, it can do no harm, but ask the nursery how they plan to support in the mean time and what advice they can give. They are the ones who think their is an issue after all. They feel qualified to make a judgement then they should back that up with support.

We’ve just lived through an unprecedented 2 years of limited socialisation, it’s bound to have had an effect on an only child so young.

I’d definitely also consider a smaller setting if at all possible. People seem to think childminders don’t offer the same opportunities for socialisation but it’s definitely not the case. Your child needs to feel secure in order for his social skills to develop xx

[Lydialego123 in reply to Cheekymonkey85]

Thanks for the reply, this has made me feel a lot better, going to go ahead with the referral and see what, if anything comes of it. I’m going to have a chat with our HV too as have his 2 year review coming up soon.

I’ll definitely have more of a chat with the nursery too once I’ve read the form properly over the weekend and have a good think about what setting it right for him in the long run! Xx

[MissEd]

I agree with everything the others have said. My son is 3.5 and has been at nursery since 20 months and he has just started sharing, still not willingly most of the time 🤣

[Huzur]

please rest assure that at two a child is demonstrating new found skills. There is absolutely nothing to diagnose at such a age.

Every child is different . You will find this even amongst siblings.

A comparison should not be made between two year olds.

As adults we also are different . Now a days it is about fitting in a box .

Even in schools they are quick to try and suggest a child may have adhd rather than accept humans are unique in the way they express themselves .

Two is way to young to send for a referral .

One two year old may be a crier whilst another is quiet .