How do you deal with the loss?

[First-time-shocked]

On the day of my 12 week scan, we discovered that baby had to much fluid in the brain. We were referred to specialists hospital for more tests. Unfortunately when we went a week later it was discovered there was four more abnormalities with baby and it would not survive. We came the the hard choice of termination of the pregnancy and started the process the next day. This Saturday just gone I became no longer pregnancy, I was brave and in control as I knew it was the right thing to do for my baby. Now it just comes in waves the loss and realising there no more bundle of joy coming next year. I'm so scared if we do try again it will happen again and I won't enjoy my first 12 weeks as I will be a wreak. But also am I a bad person in still wanting another baby already and I think as well I just need to talk about it out loud and know if anyone been through what I have.

Sorry for the long write and question x

[Seb9]

I'm so sorry for your loss, that sounds absolutely devastating, my first pregnancy I had a missed miscarriage and found out at the 12 week scan that our pregnancy had not been successful.I was really angry for a while that my body hadn't realised something was wrong and I had been so good, no drinking, no bad food, taken my folic acid etc.

I went all out on the bad stuff for a few days, in a sort of two fingers to mother nature, I ate pâte, parma ham, camembert and drank lots of wine.

It was a really sad time, and I'm so glad I had told my mum, sister and best friends about being pregnant so I could pour my heart out to them and they gave me amazing support. If you haven't told anyone, maybe let them in, good suport and kindness definitely helped me. People who could tell me it was really crap and were totally on my side.

I was ready to try again as soon as my periods came back to normal, I had the mindset that I knew I could get pregnant so I saw that as a positive and also in a weird kind of sad way that I only needed two more miscarriages before the NHS would refer me for fertility tests.

I did get pregnant again and going for that first scan was the scariest thing, I just kept reliving that first scan over and over, and when they told me everything was fine I just didn't believe them.

Sending you lots of love xxx

[First-time-shocked in reply to Seb9]

Thank you for the message, I found it helpful to read. I have not gone down the route of eating what I want but im sure it won't be long .

I think your right I know I can get pregnant and that not a problem, I think I need to be optimistic if the chance does come can for us to have a baby.

Thank you for the support and telling me your story x

[Mcra]

I am so sorry for your loss. Remember that you are not alone. Lots of love.

[Ritdit]

I’m so sorry your going through this, Mother Nature can be so cruel. I have had 6 miscarriages in total and am now sat next to my gorgeous healthy 20 week old baby.

I like seb9 kicked back and ate all the bad foods after the first one got really sad and angry and sad again. Then waited for my periods to return to normal before starting again to try for another.

Then after the next miscarriage we just started trying again as soon as the bleeding had stopped, it’s harder to date a pregnancy if you do this but the scans will help with this if the pregnancy is successful.

My final pregnancy was straight off the back of two consecutive months of very early loss.

If you feel ready to try again then crack on, only you can decide what is right for you.

You can pay for early scans at private clinics if you are feeling anxious about how the next pregnancy is progressing or if you’re really stressed you may be able to get your GP to refer you for early scans I was scanned at 7/8 weeks 10 weeks and 12 weeks I payed for the scans on my second pregnancy because I just had a feeling that it wasn’t right, but after that I was referred by the GP.

Allow yourself to greave for the one you lost get all the help you need from friends family or professionals but don’t let it stop you from the joy of what’s to come

I wish you all the luck in the world for your next pregnancy sending big hugs x

[Smithy1981 in reply to Ritdit]

How amazing congratulations to you my daughter is 19 weeks old and is my miracle baby so pleased you got your happy ever after xx

[First-time-shocked in reply to Ritdit]

Thank you for telling me your story, I think it helps to hear other people story as its not talked about as much as it should be. I'm so pleased you got your wonderful daughter and your dreams of family came true. I wish you all the best and thank you again for the help x

[AER91]

Hey! I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I had a missed miscarriage at 13 weeks last year and I would say that what you’re feeling is totally normal. I was truly heartbroken, and it really took some time for me to come to terms with what happened, I went through all of the stages of grief. You’re definitely not a bad person for wanting to try again thats for sure, although I completely resonate with feeling like you shouldn’t be having those thoughts.

My experiences unearthed some crazy anxiety in me and while I was able to get pregnant a few months later I was unbelievably anxious throughout the whole pregnancy, I lived from scan to scan. I had private ones every other week until I felt a little more confident. But what I will say is while that anxiety never left I was still able to feel joy and excitement, and gradually as the pregnancy progressed I was able to feel confident in that excitement.

In my borough I was able to self refer for counselling (CBT) which I’m still having now 11 weeks post partum, so maybe that is an avenue you could explore with your GP too.

Wishing you all the best xx

[First-time-shocked in reply to AER91]

Thank you for your message and for saying I'm not crazy about already think of getting pregnant again. I'm really please you finally had your baby and I'm sure I will feel something similar if we do get pregnant again.

[Emdog87]

I’m so sorry to hear about your loss it sounds absolutely heart breaking. Your not a bad person for wanting to start trying for another baby straight away, as long as your mentally ready.

I’ve had an ectopic pregnancy and 3 miscarriages, in between these I had a beautiful baby girl. My latest miscarriage was Feb this year, but as soon as I had a period we started straight away and I’m now 13 weeks pregnant.

I think once you’ve experienced a loss then it will be hard to enjoy the next one especially the first 12 weeks, I was an absolute wreck and at the 12 week scan was just so over whelmed with emotion I was certain something bad was going to happen. But you’ve just got to stay positive.

Just relax for now, eat whatever you want and rest. Don’t be afraid to talk about it either. I found talking about my experiences really helped me. If you’re ready to start again and the doctors gave you the go ahead then go for it if you’re ready. X