How do you deal with comparison comments?

[E_05]

Hi all,

Me and my step sister had our babies a few days apart, so their around 6.5 months. I had a boy and she had a girl, we parent very differently she stays in the house all day and let’s her little girl sleep where she falls asleep where as I like to go to baby groups and have more of a routine for my baby’s sleep especially at night.

Either way is fine it’s her choice what she wants to do and I don’t have a problem with that.

However she is trying to teach her little girl to walk, again her choice the problem I have is all the comparison comments the most reason ‘will Brodie of caught up with her by Christmas’. There’s always comments about how mobile she is compared to him as well, Brodie was a late roller due to bad reflux and quite honestly I quite like I put him down and for now know where he’ll be when I come back 😂

I’ve tried to say oh I’m not in any rush, he’ll do it when he’s ready which I know he will but I feel like it’s almost a dig at me - maybe I’m taking it personally but there’s never comments made about what he does do, Ie playing with toys it’s always just about him ‘catching up’.

Anyone have any tips?

Thanks x

[kt_11]

Is it just her making the comments about “catching up” or is it other family members as well? If it’s only her I’d definitely just carry on trying to ignore her. If it’s others as well maybe have a quiet chat with another family member about how it’s upsetting you, see if they can be a bit more supportive when she makes the comments.

You’re totally right about them doing things when they’re ready. Sure, you can help them develop skills but it’s got to be led by them and just building on what they’re starting to do naturally. There’s no way she will be able to “teach” a 6.5 month old to walk unless baby is ready to walk (unlikely!)

My boy has always been very strong. He could commando crawl at 7 months and pull himself up at 10 months but didn’t take his first real steps without holding on until he was nearly 14 months cos he just wasn’t ready. He went from that to running and climbing within 12 weeks 😂

He’s at an age where he’ll start to do all sorts of little things that are just as important as gross motor stuff like crawling and walking. Things like the way he interacts with toys and people, making different sounds etc. Keep an eye out and record them. Even if she’s not impressed by these things, every time she goes on about walking, you can remind yourself of all the amazing things that are going on with his development. Sounds like you’re doing a great job with him 😊 xx

[E_05 in reply to kt_11]

Thank you so much, it’s mainly all my step family that make the comments. I have said to mum that if it’s gona carry on it’s making me not want to spend Christmas with them as I feel like I’m always constantly defending what he can do. Making the videos is a really good idea, I love watching my little learn new things and the way he’s interacting especially with other babies x

[kt_11 in reply to E_05]

Yeah he will be working on developing his social skills, fine motor control, language etc. as well as his mobility.

I remember a time when my baby seemed to go through a new little ‘phase’ every couple of days. Found a video today of him doing a weird rolling thing with his tongue when he was little. He was doing it all the time for a few days then never again and on to the next thing 😂 but I’m sure all those little things are relevant now he’s learning to talk.

Don’t feel you need to defend what your baby is doing or not doing. As long as he continues to progress and seems happy and healthy, you’ve got nothing to worry about. Apparently I learned to walk at 9 months - I’m so glad my little boy didn’t walk at that age, would have been a nightmare! x

[E_05 in reply to kt_11]

Exactly, I’m in no rush I quite like I can put him down and no roughly where he’ll be when I turn around lol thank you for the reassurance x

[Octoberbaby2019]

Everyone someone says the catching up phrase I'd respond with, he doesn't need to catch up, babies develop at different rates especially boys and girls, what a silly thing to say.

Reading your post has made me angry on behalf of you, how ppl are so inconsiderate with what they say as if something is wrong with your boy when there isn't!

I mean another tactic is to ask them omg do you think something is wrong with him should I take him gp??? That might get them to realise that what they're saying is total nonsense.

I almost said that to ppl during my pregnancy cos they all kept saying (strangers that is) how small my belly was... My boy was 8.3 pounds when he was born... Small indeed...

[E_05 in reply to Octoberbaby2019]

Thank you, that’s a really good comment that make. I know everyone seems to have an unwanted opinion don’t they!

[LKT1]

I agree with Octoberbaby just reply ‘he doesn’t need to do any catching up, he is exactly where he needs to be for his development stage’. You don’t need to say it in an angry tone just state it as a matter of fact and hopefully they will get the message.

Whilst it is good to try and do things to strengthen their stomach and leg muscles in prep for walking, there is no way her baby will actually be walking yet.

Just relax and know that you are going to have a strong bond with your little one as you are not a pushy parent x

[E_05 in reply to LKT1]

Thank you, I actually feel for her baby as she doesn’t know how to play or really interact cause all my step sisters focused on is getting her moving x

[Positive2022]

Hi E_05, hope you're okay. Lovely to be able to keep in touch and wow, 6.5 months - doesn't time fly!!

Didn't want to read and run. When my baby was that age, I had lots of comments about her size 😂 ('big' for her age). Bless her, she was a healthy weight for a girl. I spoke to one of the doctors at my surgery and asked if her size was acceptable and my doctor's exact words were 'i wouldn't give a damn what people say, your baby is perfect!' from that moment on, I ignored every comment and turned a blind eye to any comparisons made. Any concerns I have I speak with my GP or health visitor. Take care and huge congratulations on becoming a mummy 😘😘

[E_05 in reply to Positive2022]

Hey, how are you doing?

I know I can’t believe where the time is going! Oh we’re the same about him being a big baby, I always say well he wasn’t small when he was born 😂 thank you, I do think I need to try and just ignore them xx

[Hidden]

Isn’t it incredible the lack of self awareness of some people? TBH...I do think it’s a competition for them and it’s their way of feeling superior. Especially that it’s your step family saying it. My response would be...what would make any of you think it’s ok to compare two little babies? You should be ashamed of yourselves. I’m not interested at all in pushing or rushing my son, he’ll grow fast enough as it is, I’m letting him be a baby and progress naturally as a baby. If you’ve got any negative or comparison comments, please keep them to yourselves. It’s your issues not mine.

Your step sister sounds like an idiot teaching a 6.5 month old to walk. She’ll end up bowing her daughters legs.

I’m so annoyed for you!

Another great comment to most things is....what would make you say that? (In a calm voice).

Good luck hun and just enjoy your baby boy...they grow up way too fast! Xx

[E_05 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, they’re really good points to say.

We’ve tried to tell her that it’s to soon and she needs to just let her do things at her own time but she doesn’t listen. I did say to my step dad the other day there’s baby’s at groups we go to that are months older than our babies not doing what my step sisters trying to get her to do which I hoped might make them think but we’ll see x

[Loubump]

I would just ignore them - you are the parent and you know your baby better than anyone else - your baby will do things in their own time ( not on demand for other people ) xxxx

[E_05 in reply to Loubump]

Thank you x

[tiger-cub]

I totally agree with SC she is over exerting her child and will end up who knows what . She seems like a depressed person. And honestly I feel angrier on the people supporting her . And honestly I feel you should be strict and strong and say this is not something you are comfortable with . These comparisons between children is not healthy . So if they don’t stop you would rather not socialise with them bcoz it puts a tremendous psychological stress on us whether consciously or subconsciously. And why should u go through it when you can avoid it . You are a lovely person and so is your son . Just enjoy this time . Xx

[E_05 in reply to tiger-cub]

Thank you so much. We’ve really tried to tell her that she’s forcing her to do to much and it’s dangerous, I’ve offered to go to baby groups with her but she doesn’t want to go. I do find it sad for her baby as she doesn’t know how to play or really interact, she’s been so keen for her to be mobile she’s missing other important developmental milestones x

[tiger-cub]

Exactly . It’s very sad

[Seb9]

I smile nod and mentally give them the finger xx