Night weaning/day weaning

[AJBee]

Which did you do first, why and how if I may ask?

How did you do it if they were fed to sleep?

He's 14 months and we BF to sleep for his morning nap around 9am, same for his afternoon nap at 2pm and at bedtime at 7.30pm. He's only ever BF in the chair in his room (all naps are still contact naps too)

He sleeps in his cot in his own room and he's briefly fed back to sleep when he wakes at night, which WAS twice, but recently has been anything from 2 to 5 times (teeth? Separation anxiety? A leap?? Who knows, but the majority of wakes he sits up and then can't/won't settle again)

Anyway, I'm starting to get a bit touched out, I'm entirely physically, mentally and emotionally drained, slightly resentful (mainly towards my partner as everything falls on me) AND we're TTC, so I'd really like to start to think about weaning him off his beloved boob.

But I don't know where to start?

Day? Night? Getting him to not fall asleep with it??

All advice gratefully received

Thank you!!! xxx

[LauraJ85]

Hi, I'm in a similar situation, my little boy is one tomorrow and he's recently naturally weaned off in the day. I say naturally but hes an awful napper so we are already at one a day and he falls asleep in his pram when we go on a walk now whereas I was feeding him to nap. At night he's fed to sleep but tends to wake up as soon as I put him in his cot so i stay in the room until he goes to sleep or else he screams the house down! On a good night he wakes twice on a bad it can be 5/6 times. I feed him back to sleep however last night I tried offering water and just rocking him back to sleep, it took an hour whereas if I'd just fed him it would be 10 minutes max!

Have you tried your partner settling him when he wakes in the night so he can't smell your milk? I'm a single parent so I haven't tried it personally but seems to be suggested on the breastfeeding Facebook alot.

I've also reached the stage where the night feeds are physically and mentally exhausting, I'm happy to feed before bed until ge doesnt want too anymore but would love him to start sleep through.

Sorry I dont have any better advice hopefully someone else will just wanted you to know your not alone in this situation x

[AJBee in reply to LauraJ85]

Thank you for your message lovely. Can I start by saying what an amazing person you are. To be a lone parent must surely be the hardest job on the planet. My partner isn't especially hands on and is a key worker so isn't around THAT much, but at least I get half an hour (ok 20 mins. If I'm lucky) peace for a shower. You are strong and inspiring and brilliant.

And to be down to one nap already! 😱 That's a lot of awake time. You're a double hero!!

We had vague success in December with my partner going in at night, he was pretty angry (the baby. Well, my OH probs was too!) but got the hang really quickly and was being fed BEFORE his bath and then put himself to sleep, waking once about 4ish, I fed him and we all slept til 6.30ish. Perfect!

Cue Christmas and teething to mess it all up, before I knew it I was feeding him to sleep again and he was waking every 2 hours 😫

(There was a pretty bad phase at 12 months I'm sorry to say)

I guess all the signs are pointing to us trying my OH going in at night again, but I feel so bad as he's got work.

It's only in the dead of night when I feel to weak to even stand and rock him I'm like something MUST be done, then in the day I forget how bad it was 😂

You have to have so much strength and resolve don't you to not feed to sleep at silly o'clock knowing everyone will be back to sleep in 10 mins if you do, so kudos to you for the water and rocking 👍👍 Is this something you're going to keep trying? Do you do this with all night wakings?

I've heard about Dr Jay Gordons method which I might try, but again, I don't know if I have the strength for extended night wakings when we all know what the solution could be?!

Oh I don't know, rambling sorry. It's just so bloody hard isn't it!!! 😂

Good luck for tonight. Thank you for your message and keep me posted on your success!!! xxxx

[LauraJ85 in reply to AJBee]

Thank you so much, being on my own certainly has some moments but I've never known any different so that probably makes it easier. We had a similar thing he started sleeping through between 6 and 7 months then at Christmas cut 2 teeth and had a viral infection and hasn't slept through since, think our record is 8 hours and that was only once!

It's so hard especially when it seems that every baby sleeps through but yours! I do wonder if his lack of naps is why we still struggle at night but he is just full of energy and luckily rarely grumpy with it. Hes so good in the day I always get oh you can't have it all but feel like saying to those people sleep is actually really important! I haven't tried the water since but its something I might go back too.

I haven't heard if Dr Jay Gordon I will check him out.

Yeah if your partner is working it would be hard if he has too keep going in especially if it could take several days/weeks to work. It's so hard knowing what to for the best.

I hope you are getting on okay and if you discover a miracle please let me know xxx

[Eme3sh]

Can I recommend the ‘baby sleep guide’. I bought it on kindle and it’s pretty cheap. It’s also short and to the point! Lots of the methods are for earlier than 14 months but the methods may still help. You need to stop feeding to sleep so he can stir slightly and settle himself back down. If you’re happy with some crying (I always was!) then some controlled crying should work in about 3 days, but it is hard! If you want to do it without crying though, then the book won’t help. I also follow calm and bright sleep support on Instagram and they are also great. PDF is 100 quid but they also have lots of free advice. Hope you get there soon xxxx

[Katja123]

Hi Ladies. Tell me, please, are your babies quiet when they wake up at night and do they start to play or get excited? That could be the sign of not enough wake time during the day. For one, at the age of 12+ months the wake time should be 4,5-6 hours. Try increasing the wake time by 5-10 min, depending on how sensitive your baby is, and see if the night sleep changes. Secondly, how long is the day sleep? At 12 months the norm is 2-3 hours, in my experience it can be at least 0,5 hour less. By 18 months it should be 1,5-2 hours. Another option would be to reduce day sleep by 10 min gradually and observe the changes. The norm if sleep for the whole day is 11-12 hours, and I heard from women that their babies sleep max 9-9,5 hours at night, but the sleep quality improved.

Another important thing is: try to take the boob out before the baby is asleep. Or feed before the night ritual and put to sleep any other way. Even if you have to rock to sleep, do it, and then in the next days gradually decrease the intensity of rocking, until the baby falls asleep in the static position and then on you reclining on the bed.

Introduce additional associations like shushing, patting or singing. And when you later put the baby to fall asleep on the bed, use these associations.

Hope some of it helps.

[Katja123]

And talking about which one to wean off, I was told to first wean off the night feedings, since if you take away the day ones, the baby might want to catch up on calories or physical contact with you at night. Makes sense to me, but to be honest, I haven't weaned mine and plan to still breastfeed.

Try to give the cuddles during the day, check on how much soluds the baby is eating.