Most people know we went on quite a journey to get our baby boy - 6 years ttc, 5 cycles of IVF and 2 mmc.
He’s now 8 weeks and I couldn’t be more in love or feel more content if I tired, it’s like finally my life feels complete.
Until a few days ago the HV told me she thought it was worrying I hadn’t left my baby with anyone or at least with my hubby to just go for a walk. I said I didn’t want to be apart from him yet and I leave him with my hubby to go and have a bath etc. She then went on to say although she understands when women have been through a lot they don’t want to leave their baby with just anyone but it’s something she needs to keep an eye on that I won’t leave him with my hubby.
She’s made me feel really anxious, it’s not that I won’t leave him (okay it is that a bit) but also that I haven’t needed to.
When did you first leave your baby? Am I looking into her comment to much? Should I leave him with my hubby just to go for a walk? 🤷🏼♀️
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Oh my god what kind of health visitor is she?! I didn’t leave my LG until she was around 5 months and that’s only because my sister had booked Harry Potter World tickets before she was born. We’ve also only had about 3 days out as a couple because my dad keeps pestering me to look after her. She’s now 16 months. I don’t feel the need to go out without my LG and I don’t feel I need the break either. We’ve waited so long for these precious people why would we want to leave them.
This has made me angry for you. Don’t let her make you feel anxious etc there are lots of people who haven’t left their babies for that long me being one of them xx
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Also next time maybe just say you’ve been out. She won’t know any different x
Thank you so much, that’s exactly how I feel. I’ve waited for what feels like a life time for this I don’t need a break I’m quite happy bringing him where I go. I just didn’t get the point of leaving him with my hubby to go for a walk round the block it’s just not natural.
I feel exactly the same. Even when we’ve left her with my dad I just want to get home. We are trying her with an overnight stay with him soon and I’m so anxious about it.
I don’t get how a walk around the block would help anyway.
Some HV’s are a nightmare mine kept going on about how I should start talking to my mum again because of the baby but she had no idea of my history as to why we don’t talk 😡 xx
Wow. That's so inappropriate. The HV has no business forcing you to make contact with your mum. Just remember these are just people same as all of us, they just got a little bit of training and now think they are experts!
I know right! HV’s don’t have a great name for themselves anyway so things like this just make it worse. I was sent a questionnaire recently and don’t think they’ll appreciate my answers 😂😂 xx
Morning, I personally wouldn’t take any notice of her. If you haven’t needed to leave your baby I don’t see what the problem is. 🤷🏻♀️ I’ve only left my daughter with my partner twice & she’s now 6M. I think I would be a little anxious about leaving her with anybody else at the moment as me & my partner know how to settle her. Xx
Thank you, that’s what I felt like just leaving him to go for a walk round the block is pointless. My hubby’s still learning to settle my little boy as we’ve had a lot of problems with milk etc so that’s another reason I wouldn’t want to leave him. Hope you’re both well xx
My little boy is 2 weeks old and I’m due my health visitors visit Ino he’s only been here 2 weeks but I fully understand you. It took me and my partner a while to have a baby and I don’t leave him with anyone, tbh I won’t let anyone feed or change his nappy. I don’t think a health visitor should be saying that to you personally because I don’t see why it would be a worry your just a caring mother hope your okay Xx
Thank you, I’m exactly the same about feeding and changing. I also think he’s all I’ve known all his life so far, him and my hubby are still getting to know each other xx
I’m exactly the same with my fiancé he’s only just gone back to work but even when he’s home I’m still all he has in my eyes if that makes sense don’t worry honestly your not alone in your feelings Xxx
Don't listen to your h.v. It's so normal to feel this way when you become a mum for the first time. I felt it was part of my natural instinct so I just trusted it. It's not that I didn't trust anyone else I just feel a baby needs to be with their mother for as long as possible. They have been in our bodies for 9 months and we are the person who introduces them to the world and this process should be a gradual one. This may sound hard-core but I barely liked other people to hold my first baby!! It became a joke in the end and I was happy to let people laugh about it as I still got my own way.
If you are breastfeeding it is also physically and practically very hard to leave a young baby. Sounds like you are just being a very devoted and loving mother to me.
My only other thought is that she may have been trying to show concern that maybe you needed a break and it just came out the wrong way? xx
Thank you, that’s re assuring to know as I feel the same about people holding him. I think you’re right I need to do what’s right for me and him and try forget what others think. We’ve had a lot of trouble with milk they know think he’s got a CMPA so my hubby finds it hard to settle him at times.
I don’t think I need a break but did wonder that so said he stays with my hubby so I can have a bath and relax a little but still she said about this walk xx
I’d not listen to her either, I have barely left my little girl even with her dad. When I did in the early days I found it hard as we were still having milk issues at the time, I wanted to do all the feeding so I knew how much she was getting etc. (Nappies I’ve never had a problem sharing 😂) I’ve only just 2 weeks ago stopped noting down times and amounts of feeds and she’s almost 8 months! I think only now I’d be happy for someone to take her for a bit longer (not that we have anyone) and for me not to worry. I hope your little one has settled on the new milk, it’s like they become a totally different baby afterwards 😀 x
Thank you, that’s what I find hard as there are times my hubby still finds it difficult to settle our little boy.
Yeah they definitely do, I can’t believe how much more settled he is x
OMG ask for a new health visitor.
Your baby, your choice.
My little girl is four weeks today and like everyone else I’m just enjoying loving her. Especially when we have been on such a journey it’s more important to take time, just allow yourself the absolute joy that you have your baby.
I would tell her how upset you have been and match her out if she doesn’t take your feelings on board. Silly woman.
Gosh 8wks old baby is hardly to be left with anyone other then mum, ok dad too but if mum is breastfeeding baby, is mainly mum to be around for baby😉 my son is 4year old and o still find difficult to let him go with others without me. I still remember when I’ve been jumping out from the shower with bubbles on my back when I’ve heard crying my little son being then only 2-3wks old. My hubby was there for us, he was cuddling our baby, played with, did skin to skin cuddles but I was always next to them especially in these first few weeks! I had to get back to work when my boy turned 7months it was then when I had too leave my boy with my sis at first for longer hours, also I went for business trip first week I’ve back to work but in order not to loose time with my baby I d taken my hubby and my little boy with me🤣🙈 it was comfortable solution for our trio really -for me I knew it my son is with his daddy during me being held at meetings, my hubby had first opportunity to spend longer hours with our son and he enjoyed this time to bits, our son felt safe being with both parents despite me being away from him couple hours for the days of my trip.
I think it’s normal to be around little babies at first. But of course let others people you trust to look after it if you need break, or walk or time for yourself maybe start with your hubby first-I only trusted my hubby first when it comes to our baby. It’s perhaps wise to use any help from others if you have such possibility, in longer distance you will appreciate this more but this all will come in time-when you ready for it. Don’t make yourself pushing for something you don’t feel is right at this stage. It’s your time to enjoy all bits of motherhood you’ve waited long for it you deserve it, no one has right to restrict you here😘
In September my partner & I had a chat about having a baby.I got pregnant 2 weeks after deciding to try for a baby. Which was a surprise & an accident in a way, as we planned to try starting from January, but I got pregnant straight away in September (we wanted our child to be born in September or October to have an advantage at school to be one of the oldest in the class - instead he will be one of the youngest , born in June)
So - we did not try hard at all. However, I think no matter of the journey one had to have the baby- for most mums it's hard to leave the baby at such young age. And if there's no need or opportunity- then it does not happen for a long time... I think my boy was half a year old when I left him with his dad for 2,5h to go to hairdressers to get my highlights done as I started dislike how I looked.
Some mums have no problems leaving their newborns with family members for a day or so- I would have struggled doing that. But I think it's great that people can do it. We all are different!
I would be worried etc, and as he was breastfed baby - he needed me there next to him anyway.
So: don't listen to that HV, and just enjoy your most precious thing in the world , watching your baby grow & develop and become a little person!x
Thank you, I think you’re right it depends on the individual as to how they feel leaving baby and for me I just don’t see the point of going for a walk round the block it’s almost like a trial for my hubby xx
Oh my gosh 🙈 my HV is a bit like this.... please ignore her and do what is best for YOU! You’ll know when you’re ready.
I left my little boy with my partner when he was almost 5 months old and it was for a couple of hours to have dinner and see a comedian with a friend. I had an overnight stay booked for my birthday for me and mr partner for when he was 6 months old and I just wasn’t ready to leave him, so cancelled that. The first time I left him overnight he was 8 months old.
Everyone is so different, I know people who’ve left their baby sooner and I know people who’ve left their baby when they’re much older so do what is best for you.
Thank you, we’re doing really well loving every minute! I think you’re right it depends on the individual, I just think when they’re so young there’s no reason for him not to come with me as he still sleeps a lot of the time atm. Hope you and your little boy are okay xx
How ridiculous. This is why I pay absolutely zero attention to any health visitor - because I'm not an idiot and I have an instinct about what is best for my child.
Do not feel any pressure to go out and leave your baby just because! If you need to do a few errands or if you just fancy a bit of me time, I'm sure your partner and family would happily look after the baby. It's the nicest thing feeling 100% confident that your baby is in safe hands, but it takes time and most people understand that! You did carry the baby for 9 months.
I'll never forget when my baby was about the same age as yours and my hubby's nan decided to take him off for a walk in the park while we sat in the park cafe. I just froze... my baby was away from me and hubby for the first time in his entire life. To be fair we've since laughed about what an overreaction it was from us both, but this was our tiny little ivf miracle, away from us... albeit in the same park and just a little out of eye shot! But we were not ready!
Take as long as you need. There is no necessity for your child to be away from you unless you need it. (Perhaps the hv was thinking of you rather than baby?) But keep on being a caring mum who just wants to respond to her baby's every need.
Just want to add that now I LOVE when people offer to babysit or take my son for a walk. Lol. I call it my freedom time!
Thank you. I would of been the same in the park situation and I think if I force trying to leave him for the sake of it it’ll just make things worse for me. I’m sure like you’ve said in time to come il be glad for the babysitters though x
I remember not even wanting people to hold my baby in the beginning...Even when they hold her now I don't always like it because I know how she likes to be held and other people hold her in odd positions and then say "she's wriggly isn't she?!" You feel so protective of your child, it's very overwhelming.
The health visitor made a stupid comment. Your baby is still very young. I left my daughter overnight with her dad when she was 13 weeks old and it was so tough, but I arranged for him and baby to stay with my parents which was only an hour from where I was as opposed to 3.5 hrs from where we live. She was absolutely fine but I couldn't wait to get home, plus I breastfeed so my boobs were really painful!
My little girl is 5.5 months old now and we have been out once together for a wedding a few weeks ago. We decided not to stay over and I drove just in case I needed to get back.
I do sometimes feel like I need a 'break' as my LG sleeps on me all the time (naps and bedtime) so it's nice to get the bed to myself for an hour on a Sunday before she feeds again 😂 It is good to have a bit of 'you' time or couple time but only when you're ready for it. Hope all is going well xx
I allowed people to have my daughters but only a select few. I’m still checking up on them though. Even though I trust who I leave them with . Your health visitor shouldn’t of really made that comment. If your unhappy with anything the health visitor says then your well within your rights to ask for a different one xx
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