Stressing!

[lou121087]

This will be a long rant so I am sorry. Ever since falling pregnant it hasn't been a good experience. I had a bleed at 6wks but everything was fine, I had a miscarriage last year in February so the constant thought of something will go wrong set in. Started getting pelvic girdle pain from 16wks which then caused me to go off work as I was crying with pain and exhaustion being a community carer. So I have no money apart from statutory sick pay. I'm lucky that I live at home so my parents said I didn't have to pay rent. at 20wks I got told I have placenta previa and it's fully covering my cervix so I'll have a c-section birth (which is fine). At 23Wks I had a bleed. So already quite stressed at what else this pregnancy is going to throw at me. I have also had to do a homeless application as my parents want me out by the 1st of April and have already planned to turn my room into my nieces room despite me not being able to take my bedroom furniture with me so it'll have to stay here but they say it's tuff so I have to try and find somewhere for that to go. I've been to the council and that's all done but by the 1st I have no idea where I'm going to be placed. I have a partner who will be placed with me due to being a family but he already has two kids he pays for and sees every other weekend so I don't know what will happen with that if we move miles away and he has an awkward ex. I've been off work since December 2018 living off £92.02 a week, we've not been able to save to move out privately, we're not entitled to any benefits. As I have bills and debts to pay it leaves me with hardly anything to live off and I have to feed myself at home and travel to my partners parents house where my partner currently lives and that's exhausteing as my family don't like my partner and don't make him feel welcome so he doesn't come over. And they keep going on at me that he needs to step up and do more yet he can't do anything but work and save as much as he can before baby is here which he's doing. He can't do much overtime as cms will up his payments. I'm now 32wks pregnant having to deal with awful pain worrying when I'll next bleed and where I'm going to live and having no money , my partner is also being very selfish as we got told we can't have sex and he gets really moody when we don't do anything including foreplay so I have to deal with his attitude despite me telling him how rubbish I've been feeling and that I don't feel up for anything. I pretty much cry every day as I'm struggling so much. I just want to scream!

[pinkie93]

Ok this is a really shitty situation right now! This website has a really good benefits calculator:

turn2us.org.uk/get-support/...

It might not help right now, but it's worth working out what you will be entitled to when your baby is born.

I have personally had to go through declaring homelessness because my mum had my older sister and niece living at home (niece has my old bedroom now as well). So I know how awful that is and how shitty it makes you feel; I wasn't pregnant at the time and that was bad enough! I don't know if I can advise you on that at all, you just have to tough it out. Don't let the council dismiss you or treat you like shit (because you're not!), persist and be insistent that you need a place to live urgently. Depending on where you live you may have to move into a hostal or temporary housing before getting a permanent place, this really sucks, I had to do this. If you do then try asking around friends and family if anyone has some spare space to store your stuff for a while. You don't want to have a lot of valuables in a temporary place just in case, they can be a bit dodgy. If it is dodgy then keep your head down, although this is all hypothetical, depending on your borough you might get your own place straight away (fingers crossed!). As for your boyfriend, if he is stressing you out then maybe you need to take a step back from him for now. Have you been together long? It doesn't seem like he has a whole lot of respect for you which is never a good sign and you really don't need that negativity right now. You might be scared to step back from him, which is understandable, but if he's a half decent boyfriend then he'll start trying to make more effort if you step back.

Sorry this is really long and rambling. The advice might be crap or irrelevant, feel free to message me and just say if you have any questions especially about benefits or council housing, I've been through that whole system. Good Luck!

[lou121087 in reply to pinkie93]

Thank you for your reply. I have used that site before and I roughly know how much I can claim once by baby is here but it isn't a lot as me and partner have a joint application with the council so he will be placed with me. We've been together for 5yrs and I wish we sorted out living arrangements years ago but he had a hard time trying to see his children the first 2yrs and had to spend laods on court fees as the ex turned nasty when I came on the scene. So we're now in this predicament, I'm finding him very frustrating at the moment as I've had to do everything alone like pack my bedroom up myself I've been in lots of pain and to then have him complain because he hasn't had any "attention" it's just not what I need right now. So I don't know how much he understands on what's going on as we don't live together he's about half an hour away from me and his parents haven't asked him to leave there very chilled so I've got the brumpt of everything with my family. I've asked family about storage and I have some bits in different places already it's just the rest of my stuff I need to put somewhere like my chest of drawers and other random bits I can't take. And I'm prepared to be put in somewhere rubbish even tho I got told it'll be a self contained studio flat with other families but I doubt that, I got an email today to contact them tomorrow to book an appointment on my eviction day to do a homeless application is necessary so God knows what that means as they' have known for a while I'll be homeless. And also at the end of the "8wks" I'm meant to be placed into emergency accommodation I could be having my c-section and I won't be able to do anything. I think its also the unknown of everything that's getting me really stressed. X

[pinkie93 in reply to lou121087]

To be honest it sounds like you've already thought of everything, you're like me, which means you'll probably come out of this completely fine (4 years after being declared homeless, I'm a homeowner). Things always seem so unbearable in the moment, then a few months down the line it's forgotten about, but there's always a little drama following you. Hopefully your boyfriend will be more supportive once you 2 have your own space together and things settle down, maybe he just doesn't know what to do? Men can be a little slow like that (lol), have you had a proper, non accusatory, conversation with him? If you've been together for 5 years you must understand each other pretty well by this point.

Since you're joint applicants for housing then hopefully you will get the studio, hostels are usually for single applicants. But do be wary, the council might still try to say that he can stay with his parents and you're the one whose homeless so you can just move into a hostel by yourself. It is more difficult for the council to place couples/families than single people.

For now try to think about those short term goals, getting a place, getting your stuff sorted, meeting your baby, settling into family life, sorting out benefits. You'll get through it all and the stress will just make you appreciate the good things in your future even more.

[lou121087 in reply to pinkie93]

I like to be organised lol. I think pregnancy hormones play a big factor into things and as much as everyone is being supportive I've had to do everything by myself so it's just been crazy. And I think your right he is a typical man lol he always says he's there to help but I think what can he actually do as he works full time and I've been off work and he has two children to think about. He's also quite a stress head never thinks before speaking and he's frustrated at the whole situation as well and being sexually pent up doesn't help. I did speak to council about being put together and at first they mentioned it could just be me but the guy spoke to someone who approved us to go together as I'll need him with me after the c-section. But who knows what will happen I know it'll all take time and once baby is here ill have other things to concentrate on and. Bit more money coming in. Its the now that is rubbish. I also have my baby shower on Saturday so God knows where I'm going to put all her stuff lol.