Heartbreak

[Sophiejanex]

I’ve been dumped again today my boyfriend / baby father this is my first child well our first child together he dumped me few times now he only 20 and I’m 22 he very immature anyways for his age & he really play with my feelings. I’m just wondering who else has gone through heartache during pregnancy and stay strong and never got back with toxic people I’ve been crying all day pretty much. And don’t know how to cope I already have depression. I’m 13 weeks pregnant & I really can’t cope now he left me again 😢😢. What should I do as he doesn’t bother to get hold of me. Only if I get hold of him he doesn’t seem interested in me or the baby whn we was together when times were good and they was good however when times are bad he very nasty making threats towards me etc..

[JNDuce12-13]

Easier said than done... but just walk away! Don’t allow him to treat you like that! Baby or not it’s hard when you have a break up, but just think of it like at least you know now and not 5yrs and 2 more kids down the line. You are worth so much more than how he is treating you!

Go to the doctors ask to be put on the list for a counsellor, it’s so good to have someone who doesn’t know you to talk to. Start setting up home for you and baby just the two of you. Don’t rely on him if he does come back.

I had this with my ex, we lived apart from when our son was 4months old, I allowed him to come in and out of or lives for almost 2 more years, he had me exactly where he wanted me, he didn’t have to deal with our son, he got to see us for a hour before our sons bedtime then he would leave and I’d be all alone doing the night feeds etc... and it was the loneliest I’ve ever felt. Then we finally split properly and I was relieved (eventually, to begin with it felt like my world was crashing down around me) but he didn’t have any control over me, I wasn’t relying on him to be there for us and it was freeing. Find some self respect, some self worth and make it known you won’t be treated like that and neither with your unborn baby. He’s either in or he’s out. There’s no one foot in the door while he acts like a child.

[Sophiejanex in reply to JNDuce12-13]

Thankyou im on the waiting list for a place but I should get somewhere by September I was told. However He doesn’t wanna be with me and he told me he would never leave me as I’m pregnant & he has again. He saying he be there for the baby but he not since we broke up he hasn’t bothered to get hold of me to ask questions or anything. He doesn’t have clue what’s going on right now. He too busy on dating websites , meeting up with girls etc I never thought would have to do this my own so I’m very upset and hurt 😢 I feel like my whole world is crashing down on me

[JNDuce12-13 in reply to Sophiejanex]

Aww hunny, it’s horrible, I know how your feeling, all I can say to make you feel better is that it won’t always feel like this and you and the baby will get into your own rythm and you’ll realise you don’t need him.

He’s clearly too immature for such a big step of having a baby but now your pregnant make the most of it, enjoy it, get out with friends for lunch dates or girlie nights, build yourself a support system away from him. Make sure you look into everything you can get to make yours and babies life better and easier if you are on your own. I think the Gov give £500 one off payment for first time mums on income support etc... might be worth looking into it, to see if you are eligible a friend of mine got it when she was pregnant and in a similar position. I’m always here if you need a chat/rant or you are just upset and need to talk x

[Jmww01 in reply to JNDuce12-13]

this is the surestart grant you're talking about - if you type it into google it'l be the first to come up. straight forward form to go through. its not just income support either, theres a list of eligibility criteria and they get back to you fairly quickly.

i hope you're situation gets better for yours and your baby's sake. i agree with the others, you deserve so much better than that.. dont ever allow somebody else to make you feel any less worthy. And he only has as much power over you as you give him, believe it or not but its easier than you think to take that power from him. you have every right to be respected, remember that x

[Music1]

I agree with JNDuce12-13, don't allow him to treat you like that. You deserve so much more. He does sound mature but maybe he'll appreciate you more if you can and tell him you will do things on your own and you don't need him. Although I'm in a relationship and we're still trying after many years for a baby, despite a miscarriage and failed ivfs etc, I'm always prepared to walk away if I get treated with no respect or he walks off. It's better to assume you can at any time do things alone and be completely independent. It is 'freeing'. You are a strong independent woman and your priority is you and your baby, not worrying about an immature man.

It's easier said than done when your hormones are running riot, but you and your baby come first. When I first kicked my other half out for treating me badly (just assuming I couldn't cope without him and I would do every thing for him etc) I felt such grief to begin with an then I moved forward. The distance gave us both time and a chance to reflect on what we had etc. He came back apologising, wanting us to get back together again etc, and I told him we would start as 'friends' again and see where things went as I would never have expected behaviour like that from someone whom supposedly truly loved and respected me.

Good advice from JNDuce, speak to your GP and see if they can offer either you, or both of you counselling. If he turns up and listens if will show that he's possibly prepared to change. By the way, my mum bought up the 4 of us by herself as dad walked out when I was 3. Mum used to ask if we missed him, but we always said 'it was his decision he didn't want to be with us'. I think it made mum and all of us stronger knowing/ feeling we didn't need him to be 'walking in and out' when he wanted to.

Relax, eat and drink healthily, well. Look after yourself, sleep when you need to recharge etc. You sound so mature and I wish you all the very best x

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Honestly you’ll be fine without him. Have faith in yourself.