Step back and keeping quiet

[Starlight_ftm]

I’ve been attending trauma group now for the last three weeks but after the snow cancelled last week and being in, people’s comments about bump size, how I walked, looked, all became overwhelming and for the first time in ages I sucumbed to self harm! Arms and over throat. When I’d mentioned to midwife last week increase in anxiety and feelings of down she said about thinking of medication again but I’m really against that (for me). I attended trauma group today and just felt so sad when she spoke of examples to help self because I feel I do do a lot to help self and push self so think it upset me more because I was thinking “what can I do now?”

She offered to be there if anyone wanted to touch base but I just needed to run away from there. I knew I’d more likely be honest to her because she’s a psychologist and may “get it” but scared due to being pregnant the repucussions of opening up in that way. Just had to vent

[Sisi14]

Oh Hunni I’m sorry to read what your going through and how your anxiety is getting you. When is the last time you self harmed ? I don’t think anyone can judge you but I do suggest you talk to the support team as it’s not good to hide from it as it will get worse. I know you don’t want to take medication Hun but maybe a low dose can help you and the stress won’t do you or lo any good! If you seek help they will help you Hun not judge you, you can’t do this alone.

Don’t worry about the rant that’s what we’re here for !

Best wishes hugs 🤗 xx

[Kate91]

Being perfectly honest with you sweetheart your better being honest with them now and getting help from the start than leaving it and risking postpartum depression that doesn't get dealt with immediately. It can be scary I've struggled with depression my entire life and I'm on my 3rd pregnancy booking in tomorrow and will be being completely honest about how insecure I'm feeling this time over labour due to previous experiences. They are there to help not judge but they can only do that if you are honest. Midwives suggestion of meds may be her way of trying to combat the risk of postpartum depression.

There's more likely to be repercussions down the line if you aren't open about how your feeling now than there will be if you are.

Medication doesn't have to be forever I've been on and off for years and just usually for a few months at a time to help me get my even keel back. It's exhausting dealing with a new baby anyway but speaking from experience depression can make it ten times harder if you aren't on top of it. If you wanna chat at any point please feel free to message me.

All the best xxc

[Starlight_ftm in reply to Kate91]

Thanks so much I use an anonymous Instagram called BlueSkyOwl if want to message me there! I appreciate your kind comment. I think running theme from comments is to be open! I’m seeing MH nurse for home visit next week so maybe il use that apt to be honest! I wish it was easier to get hold of the psychologist but they don’t take messages to pass to her so can be draining trying to get through but think I trust her the most out of the others which is strange as not known her too long but she seems kind and helpful! X

[Kate91 in reply to Starlight_ftm]

I know its daunting and hard to imagine being honest about this kind of thing but i am sure once you do you will feel better as you arent keeping the burden of dealing with it on your own.

[Lyndsaytw79]

Hi hun, I’m really sorry you’re experiencing this. Pregnancy can exacerbate mental health issues and particularly postnatally. What is it that’s putting you off medication? I think it could be a really good idea. Do you have support of family/friends/partner at all?

[Starlight_ftm in reply to Lyndsaytw79]

I’m not particularly open with support networks, I may say down or anxious but often people just talk about themselves. My partner is lovely but again not opened up too much because I want him to be proud of my strength and I don’t want to admit I’m getting feelings like this. I tell him I’m abit down or anxious but make it sound managed.

Medication in pregnancy - worried about effects on baby x

[Lyndsaytw79 in reply to Starlight_ftm]

Strength is being able to say how you really feel hun. Also nobody in the medical side of things will judge you, they are there to help you, honestly. I have a 12 month old and took antidepressants all throughout my pregnancy with him and he was fine, I’m also 30 weeks pregnant now and still on them and my consultant is happy with this. It’s all about balancing risk and benefit. Maybe have a chat with MH nurse and see what she thinks xx