Am I being mean?

[JNDuce12-13]

My partner has 3 Kids I have 1, I’m finding myself getting increasingly stressed out by his 3, the constant shouting over each other, it’s always loud, they are messy... long story short they just aren’t as well behaved as my son or as well trained in terms of being tidy and clean etc... but I’m finding myself getting really annoyed with the youngest who is 6. He’s sly and often hurts my son and lies about it. His dad doesn’t seem to be willing to tell him off and condemns me if I do... yet he tells my son off we have been together long enough where all the kids are treated the same (in theory) we’ve wanted a baby of our own which I was all for, but since the kids have been getting me down so much I couldn’t think of anything worse than having to be stuck with it all, all the time. I don’t know if I’m just being over sensitive at the moment or if I just need to grow up a little haha, and stop being so petty. I just don’t know how it’ll ever get better. I don’t want to put my life and plans on hold till his kids are older.

[roxannacar]

Maybe you need to have a proper chat with your partner and be honest about how things are.

[Sisi14]

Well I agree with other comment a chat is required, he can’t tell your son if it doesn’t go both ways , my partner was like this with his daughter and I wanted to scream, but I had our daughter and I done things my way of what’s the right and peaceful way and he decided to see that his daughter was trying to play us she’s 17 now but still try’s it like any child if not spoken to but now he understands where I’m coming from as we share a 3 year old and o have a 15 & 13 year old girls of previous. Just be honest about your feelings you can’t be knocked for speaking out loud xx

[Hidden]

It sounds like a very frustrating situation and I think you’re justified to feel wary of having another baby. Again I third having a conversation with your partner. Honesty is the best policy here.

Coming from a big family, i would say it’s very normal to be noisy. Me and my siblings would constantly compete for “air time” and always got told off for talking over each other. I think it definitely is a different dynamic when you have one sibling to three of you. That being said, you need to be able to discipline the children otherwise the situation will only get worse. I don’t think you’re being petty at all. Everything needs to be fair and square between the kids. Hope the conversation goes well! X

[Catcurly20]

I feel for you, I am in a similar situation. My husband has two children from a previous relationship and they have grown up with me and initially they used to walk all over their father, misbehave and treat their home with us like a hotel, as everything is done for them at their mothers home! They are now teenagers and overall are very good!

From early on I laid down ground rules and disciplined them as their father wouldn't! Just a few stern words did the trick. And over the years my husband and I have spoken about it / screamed about it / cried about it! and over time my husband has become better at disciplining them as he could see how well they would behave with me and how they would play him up! We are now expecting our own child and my husband sometimes says 'I'm going to be really mean to our child, like you were to my kids....' to which I reply 'I hope you do discipline our child from the start like I did your children that way we will be co-parenting the same' and he has no comeback as he can see for himself how well behaved they are with me in comparison to 'pushing his buttons'.

I think a lot of it stems from he feels guilty as he is not with them all of the time.

Stay strong and stand your ground, if you treat all children the same you will never the kids come back when they are older saying you treated them differently. I am adamant I will do the same when our baby arrives!

PS. you are not petty or sensitive, I used to feel like exploding sometimes with annoyance when I could see the kids run rings around their dad and disrespect him and he wouldn't do anything and many an argument has been had. Sometimes I have learnt to rise above it but it has taken me years to get to this point and I think having our own child together has helped this.

Good luck!