Coping strategies for incertitude anyone?

[it-is-now-or-never]

Dear Fellow Forum Readers,

I am trying to get pregnant at the moment - am on day 22 after last period, we "worked" on it every second day mid-cycle, like we're supposed to, etc... - and I am just realising that I am driving myself insane with anticipation. I have no patience whatsoever to find out if it has worked. I can't stop thinking about it. I have been doing 2 pregnancy tests evey day now for the past few days (tests are 10 IE), just in case I might be and it might show early in the result. It feels like borderline insanity and I am desperate for some comfort and/or advice. Is there anything else I could do to find out quicker than the urine testing? Do any of you have coping strategies with for the terrible time of incertitude? I am doing the tests in hiding from my partner by the way, because I do not want to make him unhappy. He wants to know as much as I do, but he is reasonable...

Thank you for reading, best wishes from it-is-now-or-never

[Tlove]

I don't see the point in 2 tests per day. If it's negative in the morning, it will definitely be negative in the evening. So as a first step, cut back to only testing in the morning. And avoid testing altogether if you can until you've actually missed a period, it's a pointless and costly exercise. Don't let it take over your life - it can take months and even years to get that positive test! You don't say how long you have been trying - if you're under 35 and trying for a year, it's time to get tested by your GP. If you're over 35 and trying for 6 months, get tested. I also recommend using ovulation kits to pinpoint when in your cycle you are ovulating.

[it-is-now-or-never in reply to Tlove]

Thanks Tlove. It helps me reading your story - makes me realize that yes, it might be a much longer process and that patience is a basic requirement. It will probably make you laugh, it is the first month I have tried to get pregnant. I did think about wnting children for many years already and have spent the last year on getting myself ready for pregnancy: doing all the necessary vaccinations and loosing weight to a normal BMI (I was overweight). Taking all the vitamins, stopping alcohol, leading a healthier lifestyle allround. I guess now that we've finally started trying I was hoping for an immediate result. I will take your advice and cut down on the tests. And I wish you all the best with your twins!!!

[Tlove in reply to it-is-now-or-never]

Thanks!

LOL, I remember the early days of trying alright - full of hope and wondering if it's worked. Of course it's natural to think it'll happen easily on the first go - and you could well be one of the lucky ones that it has worked for! But this serial testing will just do your head in. It sounds like you're in a great place for trying with your lifestyle changes so you never know. Best of luck (and remember to have fun trying 😉)

[it-is-now-or-never in reply to Tlove]

Thank you, Tlove! I am down to one test a day now thanks to your advice, and trying to keep busy. I hope you had a very good day yesterday! No doubt you will be too busy to write from now on - as it should be. Wishing you all the best for your family.

[roxannacar in reply to it-is-now-or-never]

It might happen within the first month but you have to miss a period before any chance the test will pick it up.

[it-is-now-or-never in reply to roxannacar]

Thank you Roxannacar. Somehow it feels to me now like I am not pregnant - I guess all the testing too early in the cycle just has taken all my hopes away. I also think I should be feeling "some" change, a difference in eating behaviour or soar breasts or somethin. But it just feels like my old self. Of course I won't indulge in any risky foods and will continue testing until the period kicks in... Thanks for replying! I can't speak about this with anybody else...

[roxannacar in reply to it-is-now-or-never]

Heh you wouldn't feel any different even if you were. Symptoms kick in around 5-6 weeks and different people have different symptoms. So just try and take it easy see what happens. Def avoid alcohol and non recommended food and take your folic acid tho

[dairyfan]

Hi there, I think one of the most important factors is stress - either from wanting to get pregnant or from other areas of life, or both!...In terms of trying I think the most important thing is not to feel to concerned about getting pregnant, otherwise you are putting pressure upon yourselves which is ultimately stressful (which affects your body's hormone regulation). In terms of stress from other things in life I've seen a couple of examples: 1) farm animals (cows) not getting pregnant because they were stressed by other things e.g. by being pulled out of their herd in order to be inseminated, but being kept out for far too long so they couldn't do all the other important things which they needed to at the time - eating, watering, socialising, sleeping etc.! and the second is a story a senior family member used to tell me about his first child. Apparently he and his wife tried for about ten years and all the while he was working in a very stressful job. As soon as he changed job they got pregnant. Whether the stress was affecting him or his wife or both, in terms of trying for a baby, I don't know, but he was convinced it was the job... Also in terms of stress due to trying, I have two sets of friends who have not been able to conceive while trying, and only conceived once they had completely taken the pressure off themselves and decided it wasn't going to happen for them (one adopted children then soon after found she was pregnant), and I've heard from many more who tried over a long period of time before conceiving, including a GP. Our bodies do not work optimally when we are under stress whether psychological or physical. In extreme physical circumstances women don't cycle by going into anoestrous, therefore I suspect that something less stressful on the body but still stressful may be having lesser seen effects on its reproductive mechanisms - in men and women - often the only sign being that a pregnancy hasn't happened... Meanwhile, getting anxious can rob you of enjoying life which is so short anyway... Best wishes x

[it-is-now-or-never in reply to dairyfan]

Thank you dairyfan,

That's great food for thought you've given me. I've heard the odd "it won't work if you try too hard" message but didn't really take in on board yet. And you say that stress affects our hormonal balance - that means to me that putting the pressure on and waiting impatiently might be working against what I want to happen.

To calm myself down and reduce stress, I will have to keep reminding myself of your rational argument many times a day. I do feel calmer now just having read you message to me. Tlove had helped me to reduce from 2 to only 1 test a day, you help me with an insight to be more relaxed - this forum is great!

I like your things for a cow to do - eating, drinking, socialising, sleeping. We aren't that different, are we? I'd add fresh air and sunshine and movement to the list and there's a happy mammal!

Thank you again, it-is-now-or-... Later

[Kat2316]

I felt exactly the same. I was using ovulation tests twice a day (I had loads) and pregnancy test once a week. The thing about this is a pregnancy test is unlikely to work unless you have already missed a period so nature is usually the first to let you know. I was getting obsessed and struggling to think about anything else. I can't stress how true it is about staying relaxed and not stressing. I know this is the hardest thing in the world but it really makes a difference. We were trying for a while but as soon as I got rid of my stressful job and relaxed guess what?! I'm now five weeks and loving it. Just make sure you're taking your vitamins and staying off alcohol and smoking. Ovulation tests really helped me. I took a pregnancy test on the day of my missed period but it was negative. Did get a positive until a week later. Best of luck

[it-is-now-or-never in reply to Kat2316]

Thanks Kat2316, it helps me so much to read from you today!!! And I admire that you only did one pregnancy test a week! I've done one every day and it's always negative. I am 3 days late today, having some strange symptoms but not others. went to see my lady doc, she couldn't see anything on the ultrasound except for two fibromyomas I didn't know I had. Hm...

It certainly feels like I've been never healthier and in better shape. Funny I couldn't take such good care just for myself... Destressing seems to be key since many of you mentioned it. It'd be nice if there was a pill I could take to learn that...

You're 5 weeks, that's great! I wish you all the best for continued health and joy in the process!!!