Im now 32 weeks pregnant and terrified, is labour and birth as bad as people say it is ?

[natalieg]

ive heard good and bad stories about it but more bad than good and it keeps playing on my mind, can anyone help ?

[hollie2716]

There is always more bad than good stories it seems! But then im sure that most people who tell you the bad stories will then finish by telling you that its all worth it in the end the human body is a wonderful thing and women dont realise how strong they are especially when it comes to their children! i read a book called 'the magical child' which really opened my eyes and made me a lot more confident with the idea of having a child and being able to cope with the labour and the upbringing after that. do you know what kind of birth you are planning to have?

[Hidden]

The best advise I could say is once the big day ( labour) arrives try not to over-ride your thoughts with the bad things.

" I know its definitely easier said than done" when those contractions are getting stronger & stronger but the baby will eventually make his/her's way out one way or another.

xx

[Hidden]

Noooo! There can be good and bad. .I've had 4 and I can say there were good and bad points in 3 of them but the last was amazing... as soon as I'd pushed him out I said I'd do that again! :)... remember that u have all the pain relief there for u now and u can walk around with an epidural now! .... of u have good support in ur labour that helps alot too.... and is true what they say if it was that bad we wouldn't do it again....I know this is my last baby and I'm so looking forward to labour

[Dozymum]

It can seem very daunting and scary. I think you tend not to hear the good stories as they are less exciting to tell.

I'm pregnant with my 3rd child and have had two positive experiences. It is important to approach labour and birth with a positive attitude as negative thinking won't help anyone. The main thing is to concentrate on the end result

[mamacool]

Its really important to remember that we are all individual and each birth experience is unique to that woman and child. I would recommend that you do some reading there are a number of good books out there, I've recently read the hypnobirthing book by Katherine Grave which was very interesting. The birth is really only the start of your journey into motherhood and there's a lot you can do to mentally prepare yourself for the birth process and feel more confident in your body's ability to give birth to your baby. After all it is what women have been designed to do for the whole of humankind's existence and we keep doing it!! Try not to worry and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy

[Hidden]

I would agree with mamacool, read a book about hypnobirthing and watch some hypnobirthing videos on YouTube. I was scared with my first and I did a hypnobirthing course it gave me confidence about what I was doing. Remember to breathe - my husband continuously reminded me to breathe all the way in and all the way out! Also if you set up too many expectations about the sort of birth you want and it doesn't go exactly to plan you might be more disappointed and therefore view it as a more negative experience, be flexible. Good luck!

[NanKing]

So many brilliant replies here - I hope it is giving you some confidence in your body's abilities to give birth. I think people are often reluctant to tell good birth stories as they feel they will be seen as gloating over women who have had a difficult birth. What some of the research about women's birth experience seems to say is that how positively they see it is not related to how much pain they experienced but to what extent they felt in control of what was happening to them. This was certainly true for me in my first birth - I didn't feel I knew enough to take control until my subsequent babies were born but as someone else has said after those births I felt "I would do that again!' So I would definitely agree with others about reading up and preparing yourself. By taking control I don't mean ignoring medical advice but not being afraid to ask for the information you need to make your own decisions, though if it is in labour this may be a job for a trusted birth partner. For example a woman who is 'told' 'we need to help your baby out with a ventouse okay?' may feel very different to a woman who replies 'I want to try pushing for another 5 minutes and then if there's no joy I will push with the ventouse' - her birth may end up feeling more like it was something she did and not something that happened to her. The difficulty is that so many women who have had unhappy birth experiences come away from them believing that there was no choice about what happened because some health professionals have got into bad habits of coercing women into things which agree with protocols. For example a hospitals guidelines may say that a woman should not push for longer that 2hrs because she may become exhausted and her baby may become distressed. Which is all well and good except that the protocol may be followed even when the baby is not distressed and the mother wishes to continue pushing... the mother may be told that the intervention is being offered to stop her baby getting into distress and many women will think 'that sounds undesirable, I don't want my baby to be distressed' and agree. Birth gets the blame though as many, many women come away thinking 'well thank goodness my baby was okay' because of the stress of being under time pressures and conclude that the business of birth is usually dangerous, though of course I am not denying that unforseen complications can arise. Birth is usually straightforward though, especially in an environment where a woman has one to one care from a midwife (more common in a birth centre or at home) who is going to offer her meaningful choices about her care and not make her feel like she is in a processing machine. I don't know if this makes sense to you or whether I am just rambling on...

[katie84]

I ve had a good experience and bad one but they were both worth every second of pain and I m expecting my 3rd ... As soon as you hold your baby your be fine Hun x

[msizzard]

Different for everyone, but I've just had my first and it wasn't at all as painful or scary as I thought. Like many others here, as soon as I had him in my arms I said 'I'd do that again'. It was painful of course, but so different from any other pain and focused towards doing something that all in all it was a really positive experience. I hope yours is the same

[msizzard]

Different for everyone, but I've just had my first and it wasn't at all as painful or scary as I thought. Like many others here, as soon as I had him in my arms I said 'I'd do that again'. It was painful of course, but so different from any other pain and focused towards doing something that all in all it was a really positive experience. I hope yours is the same

[Gaspode]

Think of how many people you know that have had more than one child.. If it was really that bad do you think they'd have kept going after the first was born? You'll hear good and bad tales but, if you're already worried about it, the bad ones are the ones that stick in your head as it's those ones that are confirming your worst fears.. It's called confirmation bias. Nobody spreads the stories about nice, easy births as they're not "interesting".

[wooburm]

hiya hun,it all depends on your pain thresh hold,theres no doubt about It it bloody hurts but if you want to try and go natural go for it and at least you can say you tried you can always get an epidural later should you wish,my advice go for the epidural straight away,after 3 children[and one due in 10 weeks]that's what I would tell anybody from the get go,good luck with what ever you decide!!x

[yogi]

In my experience (15) years ago I was terrified, but have to say it wasn't that bad your team of midwives and other half/family will be there and the gas and air is wonderful never mind any thing else they give you I never had an epidural as the thought of not feeling my legs didn't appeal to me and even tho I was in labour 73 hours the baby was worth it xx

[ashy2005]

I was exactly the same.. everyone is different all I can say is my wee man is 12 weeks old and I had him with just gas and air and he was 9lb 3oz.. was up having a shower 30 mins later if I can do it, anyone can goodluck all will be fine, try not to take all the bad stories to heart.. your journey might be completely different xoxox

[Megzey]

Dont listen to them they are just worry mungers the people that share there birth stories. I dont understand why ladies share horrible birth stories to people that are pregnant on there first. Everyone labours different.

[xanon]

I gave birth naturally 5 weeks ago just with gas and air ( must say I needed that more for stitches after as I'm terrified of needles). Personally I don't think it was that bad although I do accept people have different pain thresholds, worse pain etc. I wouldn't say I've forgotten what the pain was like but would I do it again? Definitely!! My beautiful little girl was definitely worth it. I know some people have really traumatic labours and I do sympathise but its what you make it just keep calm and do what you have to do!! Good luck!!

[nirvanca]

Great advice from all the ladies here - personally I would just add that no matter what kind of labour, you WILL give birth to that baby that way or another so try not to worry. Also, be flexible and have open mind - I had my mind set on all natural etc and it didn't go to plan and despite my best efforts I was massively disappointed. Try not to think of it that way should it happen to you. Also, read a book or two about the actual babies- I spent my maternity leave before birth reading lots about birth but really, this will be over quickly and then you have a baby to take care of good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!

[ritz21]

I gave birth 7 weeks ago with epidural. I was 41 weeks 2 days and at that time i just wanted the baby out (it was oo much of waiting for my anxious mind).

with epidural i did not feel even a pin prick ( although i was initially planning a natural birth but a friend who is anesthetist with NHS talked me into having epidural, and bouy! I loved it).

Although i had a straight forward pregnancy, the part which i loved most was giving birth - it was all so exciting, I had a team of doctors working with forceps as my dilation took long and my pulse rate dropped (due to hunger i guess).But i was joking with them all the while even when my babies head was out, I was still cracking jokes

I seriously felt no pain with epidural (as this was my first i was not sure how effective epidurals are but its damn effective !)

Had i known how simple it was i would have asked my husband to make a video, so i could have seen myself how my baby came out (missed that bit)