Last Football Game Of The Season

Hello all! It's been a while, but I'm still here and alive.

Just felt the need to share this. Tonight was the last home football game at my school, and it was a very emotional night. I play in the band, and our band director is a bit of a softer guy, so he's all about making us feel those hard emotions. I'm a junior in high school, but most of my friends are seniors, and because it was their last game, it got to be a very emotional night. My friends and boyfriend were all crying, which was causing me to cry. And it really sucked. It made me realize how not ready I am to see them leave. I found out today that the band will be playing at senior graduation (excluding the seniors of course). And that made me kind of sad because I'm gonna be stuck sitting with the band while I'm balling my eyes out watching all of my friends and boyfriend graduate. I'm not ready for all these feelings. I know it's going to absolutely suck. I'm so not ready. I wish all of this wasn't happening, because I'm really not ready to say goodbye to all of them. I know that they still have to live their lives, but it's really hard for me to watch them move on, while I'm stuck here.

And it's not like I'll never see them again. I'm sure I'll remain friends with most of them, and I'll hopefully continue to date my man. But my life is going to be so different without having them there with me almost every day. I'm not ready to watch them leave. I do apologize for ranting about this, and being this emotional about something that hasn't even happened yet. It's just scary for me, and I guess this is supposed to be that safe space where I can share how I'm feeling and hopefully not be judged for it. It's scary thinking about the future when it's so uncertain. And for me, I'm just not ready to watch all of them cry. I always want everyone to be happy; that's just how my mind functions. And seeing them be upset, especially my boyfriend and my best friend, it's so incredibly hard. I want to take that pain away from them. Is it clear that I'm really not ready for this lol?

Well anyways, that's all I wanted to rant about. It was a very emotional night for me, and the worst has yet to come. Wish me luck lol. Hope you all have a fun, safe weekend! Hugs!